The lovers passionately embraced on her bed, their bodies fused together

as they gyrated to their own tattoo. The woman cocked her ear, "Quick!

My husband's coming through the front door! Hide in the bathroom!" she

cried.

and as she turned back, her husband came through the bedroom door.

"What are you doing lying on the bed naked?" he asked.

"Darling, I heard you coming up the drive and got ready to receive

you", she replied with a knowing smile.

"Great," he said, "I'll just nip into the bathroom and I'll be with

you in two shakes." Before she could stop him, he was into the bathroom

where he found a man clapping his hands together in mid-air. "Who the devil

are you!" the husband demanded.

"I'm from the exterminator company. Your wife called me in to get rid

of these pesky moths," the lover replied.

"But..but you've got no clothes on?" stammered the husband.

The lover looked down and jumped backwards in surprise and said, "The

His baloney has a first name,

It's "I did not inhale."

His baloney has a second name,

"I wasn't getting tail."

He loves to sing it every day,

The White House people all just saaaaaaay,

That Billy Clinton has a way,

in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their

conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one

of the men say the following: "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses

come togedder. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come togedder again. I come again

and pee twice. Den I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. In this country

we don't talk about our sex lives in public."

"Hey, wassa matter for you lady?," said the man. "Who talkin abouta

The New Hunter

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag

the first deer of the season. He walked down to the kitchen to get a cup of

coffee, and to his surprise he found his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully

dressed in camouflage.

Jake asked her, "What are you up to?"

Alice smiled. "I'm going hunting with you!"

Jake, though he had many reservations about this, reluctantly decided to

take her along. Later they arrived at the hunting site. Jake set his wife

safely up in the tree stand and told her, "If you see a deer, take careful

aim and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot."

Jake walked away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag

an elephant, much less a deer. Not 10 minutes passed when he was startled

as he heard an array of gunshots.

Quickly, Jake ran back. As Jake got closer to her stand, he heard Alice

screaming: "Get away from my deer!"

Confused, Jake raced faster towards his screaming wife. And again he heard

her yell: "Get away from my deer!" followed by another volley of gunfire!

Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake was surprised to see a

cowboy, with his hands high in the air. The cowboy, obviously distraught,

said, "Okay, lady, okay!!!! You can have your deer!!! Just let me get my

psychiatrist's office, running his hands through his

hair, almost in tears. "Doctor, my memory's gone.

Gone! I can't remember my wife's name. Can't remember

my children's names. Can't remember what kind of car I

drive. Can't remember where I work. It was all I could

do to find my way here." "Calm down. How long have you

>> The Personnel Manager goes over her resume and explains to her that he

>> regrets he has nothing worthy of her ability. The woman answers that

>> she really needs work and will take any position. The Personnel

>> Manager  hems and haws and finally says he does have a low skill job on the

>> "Tickle me Elmo" line and nothing else. The woman happily accepts. He

>> takes her down  to the line and explains her duties and that she should be in at 8:00 AM

>> the next day. The next day at 8:45 there's a knock at the Personnel

>> Manager's door. The "Tickle me Elmo" line manager comes in and starts

>> ranting and raving about the woman just hired. After screaming for 15

>> minutes about how badly backed up the assembly line is, the Personnel

>> Manager suggests he show him the problem. Together they head down to

>> the line and sure enough, Elmos are backed up from here to kingdom

>> come. Right at the end of the line is the woman just hired. She

>> has  pulled over a roll of material used for the Elmos and has a big bag of

>> marbles. They both watch as she cuts a little piece of fabric and

>> takes  2 marbles and starts sewing them between Elmo's legs.

>> The Personnel Manager falls over laughing and finally after 20 minutes

>> of rolling around he pulls himself together and walks over to the new

>> employee and says: "I'm sorry I guess you misunderstood me

>> yesterday.