November 28, 2005
HR 6672: An Act To Bar Residents of Lansing From Ever Driving Again
This was my route home on Wednesday night. The snapshot was taken about half an hour before I left town. All of that precipitation was snow. My 2.5-hour drive became a four-hour drive. I was not pleased. I knew the storm was coming, but I couldn't take off work on Wednesday. I would've stayed until Thursday morning except that it was supposed to get even worse overnight. So I struck out for home on Wednesday afternoon.
| 4:44 PM: | I pull out of the gas station |
| 4:50 PM: | I hit the first back-up on I-96. Nothing major, just a little clot of people who don't want to drive faster than 50. |
| 5:15 PM: | Portland, MI. Big traffic jam, but it's a moving one. People keep going at about 35 mph. After a couple miles, we see that west-bound I-96 has been completely closed as the result of a three-car accident, it looks like, thus the gawker delay. |
| 5:49 PM: | Lansing, MI. About two miles before the merge with US-127, traffic comes to a halt. My blood pressure starts rising. |
| 6:10 PM: | We merge with US-127. Back to our previous speed, I presume. |
| 6:20 PM: | I am wrong. We're heading along at 30. The "Speed Limit: 70" signs are mocking me. |
| 6:33 PM: | We hit 45 mph. I am elated. |
| 6:35 PM: | We hit 35 mph. |
| 6:38 PM: | We hit 25 mph. |
| 6:41 PM: | We hit 15 mph. |
| 6:43 PM: | We come to a complete stop. |
| 6:49 PM: | I brood. I put on "Independent Thief". I brood more effectively. |
| 6:51 PM: | Barreling along at the daredevil speed of 25 in stop-and-go traffic, I contemplate taking hostages. I abandon this plan after realizing that it would actually delay my progress instead of helping me along. This proves to be a stumbling block in all too many scenarios. |
| 7:02 PM: | Every time the Yukon in front of me pulls ahead, I lose the picture on the DVD they're watching, so I'm having a hard time figuring out what Spongebob and Patrick are up to. |
| 7:05 PM: | 35 mph. I just need to make it to Howell. I'll get three lanes and everything will be good again. Just another few miles. |
| 7:15 PM: | And we come to a complete stop again. Stupid Fowlerville. |
| 7:22 PM: | I swear vengeance on whoever caused this mess |
| 7:28 PM: | All the traffic dissolves. I start going 70. WTH? |
| 7:31 PM: | It may have taken 1:42 to go 30 miles, but I've made it to three-lane territory. |
| 7:34 PM: | Obviously, it's time for the snow to strengthen. Slow down to 60. |
| 7:40 PM: | I'm all for not losing our collective minds just because there's a little snow outside, but tailgating me in heavy snow when I'm already going 65 -- which, I might add, is faster than anyone in the other lanes -- will NOT help you get there any faster. |
| 7:50 PM: | I begin to get seriously worried that I won't make it home in time for Veronica Mars. The snow is getting pretty bad and this stretch of road isn't well-lit as I approach Novi. |
| 8:00 PM: | I get on I-696 and everything is better. Seriously. |
| 8:05 PM: | I'm doing 75 on a not-entirely-un-snow-covered freeway and I'm getting passed. I love Detroit. |
| 8:20 PM: | The Mound Road curve. I'm fully expecting my recent luck to come to an end, but I *don't* actually hit a patch of black ice and go flying into the median wall. |
| 8:25 PM: | I pass Groesbeck. I'm practically home. I can set the autopilot now. |
| 8:40 PM: | Home at last. I stagger inside. |
November 21, 2005
Independent Thief
I've heard the song "Independent Thief" by Kathleen Edwards described as the audio equivalent of bourbon, which I can't deny, but that's not the first picture that it puts in my head. I think of a rainy night in late September, lit by lightning as the water pours down in a city that's seen better days. It's a song with a black core, like the soot from a still-burning coal fire. The pace is deliberate, but not plodding; it's purposeful.
Like a lot of songs, there are differences between what's on the page and what I hear. In some places, it's relatively minor; in others, it's pretty big. The difference in the first verse is a slight change in tone and formality. The one in the second verse changes the character she's addressing, putting him behind the bar in the sung version.
| Sung | Written |
|
Gimme a bet and I'll take it
I got twenty bucks that says I'm gonna make it I got twenty-two fifty in the bank And I'd bet it all away given the chance |
Gimme a bet and I’ll take it
I’ve got twenty bucks that says I’m gonna make it I’ve got twenty two fifty in the bank and I’d bet it all away given the chance |
|
I'm the independent thief
And no one's got a number on me Everybody's talking while you save this crowd You water down the drinks and the band plays too loud |
I’m the independent thief
no one’s got a number on me everybody’s talking while you save this crowd they water down the drinks and the band plays too loud |
|
But I don't want nothing from you
When all I need is just some company |
I don’t want nothing from you
all I need is just some company |
| (solo) | (solo) |
|
And you're always standing there holding out for more
When I'm the reason you're always shown the door 'Cause I'm this city's sweet holy thunder I'm the gold of the drug you've been under |
You’re always standing there holding out for more
when I’m the reason you’re always shown the door I’m this city’s sweet holy thunder I’m the gold of the drug you’ve been under |
|
I'm the good teacher that got away
Button-down sweaters and black-rimmed frames I'm your get-out-of-jail-free for a year I'm the warden of your heart but I don't keep you here |
I’m the good teacher that got away
button-down sweaters and black-rimmed frames I’m your get-out-of -jail-free for a year I’m the warden of your heart but I don’t keep you near |
|
I don't want nothing from you
When all I need is just some company |
I don't want nothing from you
When all I need is just some company |
|
I don't want nothing from you
all I need is just some company |
I don't want nothing from you
all I need is just some company |
November 17, 2005
There Was a Car in a Ditch On My Way To Work
We got our first snowfall of the year yesterday. Five inches by this morning and still coming down. This will take some getting used to. Back on the other side of the state, the first snowfall is usually a few flurries that melt instantly. If it's overnight, you can just use the wipers to brush off the submillimeter layer coating the windshield. Everything else will melt quickly on its own. The snow itself isn't really that early. I remember a few Halloween snows, and often enough we get a white Thanksgiving instead of a white Christmas. But you don't get a for-real snowstorm the first time the thermometer drops below freezing. That's just craziness.
November 9, 2005
Beards!
Last night I went downtown to watch Andrew Bird kick off his tour with a show at the Urban Institute for Contemporary Arts. Like usual, the 8:00 showtime turned into "Doors Open At 8". I congratulated myself on my plan of "Show up at the last minute on the off chance there are tickets left". It worked very well. I even managed to get a free parking spot right across from the venue. It was like witnessing a miracle. The Institute, itself, looks like it used to be a small warehouse. The steel roof trusses are visible, the roof is metal, and the pipes snake about overhead. In this part of the building, the floor looks like finished concrete. It's a fairly large room, about the size of the Magic Stick in Detroit if you take away the bar and pool tables. Art still hangs on two of the walls. Some well-executed manga-style paintings on one, bouqets on the other. The wooden things for the rest of the art normally would be in the middle of the room, but tonight they're huddled at the sides of the stage. Off to stage right and set back a bit are about fifty chairs. I like standing at concerts better, but I'd prefer to sit through the opening act. Head of Femur takes the stage at about 8:45 and instantly I notice this: They are all about the beards. All three of them have one. Two of them are also wearing vests. They are a Kemezis-friendly rock band, what with the period garb and facial hair.
They go right into their first song, and it's pretty catchy, even if I wish the singer/drummer would take it down an octave. I also want him to exchange his brushes for regular drumsticks. The songs are pretty good, but they feel a little empty, except for the keyboard arrangements. Bearded Keyboard Guy has some skills. Two things I remember later explain so much: 1.) Singer/Drummer Guy used to play with Bright Eyes. 2.) Head of Femur is normally an eight-piece band, including female members. Hence the high vocals *and* the extra space in the arrangements. It all makes sense. Also, the whiny tone of some of the songs gets its proper context.
Barker/Wallace Opening Act Criteria:
I think I'd like them more if they'd turned up the amps a little bit and used real drumsticks, but I'll still give them a check plus on entertainment. I liked them right off the bat, so that means I probably wouldn't get much more out of owning their CD, but I'd like to hear what they do with the additional members. Bonus points: Bearded Keyboard Guy got into one song so much, and was pounding the keys so hard, that the little Korg synth/sequencer mounted on top of his Rolan tried stage-diving. Being inanimate, it only managed to dive onto the stage, where it sat, bleating like a lost Nintendo classic. Banter was used sparingly, mainly to fill time while Singer/Drummer turned Singer/Guitarist. No complaints here. Overall Grade: A-.
I recognize Andrew Bird as he comes out to set up his stuff, along with some other guy. He has the roadie look, dressed in black with an old ball cap and a mullet, but it turns out that he's drummer/keyboardist/loop guy Martin Dosh. When Andrew's done setting up his stuff, he leaves Martin up there surrounded by his drum kit and keyboards. He introduces himself, and says that he's going to do "a few" songs before Andrew comes back out. "This song is called 'Steve the Cat'. It's about a cat...named Steve." I've never heard of Martin before and have no idea what to expect. He beatboxes a high-hat into his microphone "Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch", kicking it into a tape loop. He builds on it with his keyboard, adding a repetitive rhythm and folding that into its own loop. He turns to his drums and starts pounding out a rhythm there. He puts the sticks down and turns back to the keyboards, laying down a new loop on top of the old one. Over the next few minutes, he adds and discards loops, turns to his drum set a few times, and just gives a great performance. I'd never seek out music like this on my own, and I don't think I have much interest in hearing it on an album. But it's amazing live. Eventually the song is stripped back down to the original beatbox loop and it becomes the beginning of "Naoies". The process of building the loops, then adding and subtracting them from the songs, begins again until it's all over.
Barker/Wallace Opening Act Criteria:
I really, really liked this. He wasn't on the bill, so I was surprised and worried by the prospect of a second opener, but he played only two songs, was very good, pretty much achieved the gold standard in moving quickly from song to song, and did the thanking gracefully, even though he was going to be playing with Andrew Bird in ten minutes. I don't know if I'd have gotten bored if he played for a full 45 minutes, but his short set was great. Overall Grade: A.
After "Naioes" ended, Andrew came out to play.
Set List (from memory, not in any particular order, take with a grain of salt)
/=/
Sovay
A Nervous Tic Motion of the Head to the Left
Fake Palindromes
Measuring Cups
Banking on a Myth
Skin Is, My
The Naming of Things
MX Missiles
Tables And Chairs
The Happy Birthday Song
Core and Rind
Why?
Case In Point
Plasticity (new)
With the complex arrangements on his albums, I figured that the rest of Andrew Bird's band would be at least four other people. Not quite. It was just him and Martin, again making great use of loops performed live. On most songs, Andrew would use the violin to set up a loop, then switch to guitar for a while before returning to violin to play over his original loop. It was pretty amazing to watch. He also had a little set of bells -- not like church bells, I'm talking about the miniature xylophone sets we used to get to play in elementary school -- hooked up to trigger a sample of him whistling that note.
I like the way he's claimed the violin as a rock instrument. It's not set off as a string embellishment that's not really necessary or as some sort of down-home affectation. It takes its own place in the music. I'm also envious of his perfect pitch.
I was surprised to hear that this was only his second show with Martin. It sounded like they'd been playing together for a lot longer. They'd done a one-off show in Minneapolis, I guess as a tune-up, but this was their first show of their first tour together.
As the show was coming to an end, I started seeing strobes on the roof. I realized that there were some windows up there, even if they were caked with dust. It took a little longer to confirm that it was lightning. I couldn't hear rain through the roof just yet, but that didn't mean it wasn't there. The gamble was now whether to stay for the encore or run for the exit. I stayed and lost my bet, but it was worth it. He played "Why?" and "The Happy Birthday Song" for his encore. I could hear the rain during "Why?", so I consoled myself with the thought that I wouldn't have made it home anyway before getting caught in it and that my car was just across the street anyway.
It was raining heavily when I ran across the street after the encore. At least the person ahead of me had already left, so parallel unparking wasn't going to be a problem. I had only four or five miles to go on the freeway, but they seemed to last forever. The storm was roaring through, dumping a huge amount of water on the road. The state's 70-mph speed limit was trumped by a natural 45-mph limit imposed by all the water sloshing around on the road. At first, I couldn't find a southbound entrance ramp, so I headed north and took the first exit that offered. The storm hit its peak just as I entered the freeway. The water covered most indications of where the lanes were, but you could figure it out. If you veered, the ruts between lanes were filled with water, making hydroplaning a lot more likely. The rain itself lessened as I made it to my exit, but the roads were still half-flooded. Off to my right and in front of me, one car found that out, sending a wave over my windshield and temporarily blinding me. I made it home a little before midnight. The storm kept on coming for another 2 hours or so, I think. I'm only thankful it isn't coming through again on Friday.
November 4, 2005
In Praise of Petes
It turns out that most TV shows I liked when I was growing up were actually pretty weak. Dinosaucers was just awful and ridiculous, in retrospect. Mask and Transformers existed mainly to sell toys. If you're actually caught by a Care Bear stare, you might die of hyperglycemia. And don't even ask me to explain the Popples or the Wuzzles or the Gummi Bears. Really. Tiny Toon Adventures was marginally better, if only for the summer vacation episode/mini movie where Plucky went to Happyworldland with Hampton's family.
A few, at least, have stood the test of time. Animaniacs had its moments. Rocko's Modern Life and Freakazoid are just as funny as ever. Whole dimensions of Ren & Stimpy have opened up to me now that I'm older, even if that's not always a good thing. Rocky & Bullwinkle are duly recognized for their contributions.
The Adventures of Pete & Pete, however, doesn't get enough credit for how good the show was. I started watching in elementary school, back when it was just a series of shorts running between whatever Nickelodeon was showing that day.
I was ridiculously excited when I saw the promos for "What We Did On Our Summer Vacation", a half-hour special/pilot. It's still one of the best things Nickelodeon has ever shown. It really laid out the Pete & Pete formula of absurdism grounded in a sentimental core. Older Pete's best friend, Ellen, wants to get to know Mr. Tastee, the ice cream man. No one knows who he really is, since he never takes off his plastic soft-serve head. The three of them approach Mr. Tastee about hanging out sometime and perhaps waxing the Tasteemobile. Mr. Tastee balks at this, but they push harder. The next day, the Tasteemobile fails to make its rounds.
The trio start devising ways to track down Mr. Tastee. They start compromising confidentiality at the Photo Hut where Ellen works, sifting through all of the developed prints. Mr. Tastee is spotted in the background at various locations across the country. Younger Pete stands on top of the high dive, scanning the horizon. Older Pete puts up flyers and waits for calls to come in through the payphone. Artie, The Strongest Man In The World is doing battle with a killer bee on top of the town water tower when he spots the Tasteemobile just along the curve of the Earth. Ellen proves her awesomeness by using trigonometry to calculate that Mr. Tastee is somewhere in Kentucky, but they still don't have any way to contact him and the summer is winding down.
They're forced to concede that they might not ever see him again. On the last day of summer vacation, as they're packing up the command center at the Photo Hut, Mr. Tastee pulls up in the parking lot, armed with the flyers he picked up on his cross-country travels. Even though waxing the Tasteemobile is usually a one-man job, he concedes that maybe he could use some help this time. Little Pete waxes Mr. Tastee's head as the sun sets.
I identified with Older Pete. He was always a dork who wasn't really happy with his social status, but who wasn't that unhappy about who he was. Most of his problems came about when he tried to put his head down and act "normal". He was always close to his little brother, even if it was sometimes embarrassing. He got along with his parents for the most part, even if they didn't always understand each other. A band geek, he wasn't a natural athlete, but he didn't let that stop him from enjoying sports.
Older Pete was the stable center of the show. His problems were realistic, it was the context that was bizarre. Younger Pete was once grounded after he conducted a scientific experiment: He put the humidifier next to the dehumidifier out on the lawn. They exploded, leaving a big scorch mark on the grass. He set about tunneling his way to freedom using a Statue of Liberty paperweight. Older Pete's troubles were more along the lines of being embarrassed about his job as a rangeboy, driving the little cart around and picking up golf balls at his dad's driving range.
November 3, 2005
Shut UP, Jerry O'Connell
I hate to say it, but Jill Hennessy is one of the weakest parts of Crossing Jordan. Miguel Ferrer is awesome, and I really like the guys who play Nigel and Raj. For the most part, I could take or leave the rest of the cast, but the show is supposed to revolve around Jordan, so Jill should be pulling her weight. The only thing I see being pulled is the skin on her face. I think she's had some cheek implants put in, because I don't remember Claire Kincaid looking like that; maybe some Botox, too. It would explain the lack of range in her expressions. I refuse to believe the script is marked "JORDAN CAVANAUGH: [smirks]" at the beginning of every line. OK, maybe that was a little overboard. Maybe it only looks that way 75% of the time.
And it really can't be said often enough: Shut up, Jerry O'Connell! You don't do drama well. Lightweight.
I realize that the audience overlap is incredibly tiny here, but every time I saw Élodie Bouchez in the last episode of Alias I thought, "She looks like a hot version of Carrie Brownstein". I swear, it works. They have almost the same hair, which really makes a big difference. Due to the height difference between her and the rest of the cast, the camera is often above her eye level, making the resemblance more pronounced.
|
|
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| Carrie Brownstein at a metal bar in London |
Élodie Bouchez (not her most flattering picture) |
November 2, 2005
Was that really necessary?
Dear Self,
Never watch Bones during dinner. Ever.
Thanks,
Me
PS - I'd say that the way every guy in town was salivating over Emily Deschanel in that episode was annoying and unrealistic in a "We understand. She's been designated The Hot One on this show, much like Mischa Barton on The OC" sort of way, except for the fact that she actually is the hot one. I suppose it would be even more unrealistic if nobody noticed.
PPS - Fox really has a thing for auburn-tressed female medical personnel. Emily Deschanel, Sara Wayne Callies from Prison Break, Jennifer Morrison from House. Awesome.
