More Top Ten Fun
by Genesun Han

Here are some more Top Ten lists. Unlike many other Star Trek sites, I'm proud to say that all of the lists I post are my own creation. If you have any (constructive) comments or suggestions please feel free to email me. If you'd like to copy this list and post it on your own site, please read the small print at the end of the lists.


Top Ten Nicknames for the Borg
10. Squares
9. The Man
8. Tanless Terrors
7. Fuse Heads
6. El Borgo
5. The Other White Meat
4. Building Blocks of Doom
3. 7 of 11
2. Uni-Borg-er
1. Microsoft

Top Ten Ways Star Trek Would Be Different, if Directed by James Cameron
10. Will Wheaton replaced by Leonardo DeCaprio
9. Minimum episode length: 2.4 hours
8. Voyager crew repeatedly finds ships with large collection of eggs
7. Picard: a family man living a secret life of Starfleet Captain
6. IL&M? What's IL&M?
5. DS9 and Wormhole located 3 miles beneath Bajoran Sea
4. Voyager might actually be good
3. Director's Cut Letterbox edition episodes with 47 minutes of cut footage
2. Data returns from the future to protect young Nog from evil assasin changeling sent by the Dominian.
1. Enterprise: The tragic tale of two lovers on board the maiden flight of the greatest ship of its day, and the subsequent encounter with an errant asteroid.

Top Ten Ways Paramount Cut Costs on Star Trek to Pay for Titanic
10. Instead of hiring real actors, hired cast of Voyager
9. Wormhole effect replaced by shot of toilet bowl
8. Voyager episodes really lost Battlestar Galactica scripts
7. Star Trek 9 takes place aboard Titanic
6. Instead of real director, hired Jonathan Frakes
5. Costly ship fighting episodes of DS9 replaced by cheaper Quark/Morn episodes
4. Extras must now provide own makeup/costume
3. Every time someone flubs a line, must pay studio for wasted film
2. Voyager writers fired, actors must ad-lib all dialogue
1. Instead of shooting new episodes, dialogue dubbed over old Babylon 5 episodes

Top Ten Reasons Teenagers Join Starfleet
10. Main viewer perfect for Sony Playstation games
9. No other job features female coworkers in tight fitting body suits
8. Washed out of SpaceMarines
7. All other chess club friends in Starfleet
6. Unlimited holodeck usage
5. Shoreleave on Risa
4. Vowed revenge after parents killed by Imperial Storm Troopers
3. All the synthale you can drink
2. You feel young and energetic enough to take on galaxy. Parallell Universe you took over galaxy.
1. Must pass written and road test to drive car. Being geeky kid only qualification to helm Enterprise-D.

Top Ten Ways Ships Would Be Different if Made by GM
10. Dilithium crystal production grinds to a halt when UAW local 328 strikes
9. Side saddle antimatter tanks constantly being hit with photon torpedoes by evil Dateline watching Romulons
8. Saucer section replaced by giant Buick logo
7. Feul efficient Defiant class ignored while antimatter guzzling Galaxy Class sales go through the roof
6. Warp core production grinds to a halt due to Dilithium shortage
5. Two words: Chrome Accents
4. Antimatter? Antimatter?! More like 94 octane baby!
3. Thanks to that bastard Ralph Nader, seatbelts and airbags standard equipment.
2. Total ship production grinds to a halt due to Warp Core shortage
1. Saturn ships made in Spring Hill, Tennessee. Tennessee class ship USS Spring Hill made on Saturn.

Top Ten Reasons Paramount Likes Species 8472
10. Computer generated characters considered "hip" by all important male 9-14 yr old demographic
9. Telepathic abilities relieve overworked Voyager writers from having to come up with dialogue
8. Not referenced in Star Trek Encyclopedia, so can say anything about them without incurring wrath of crazy diehard fans
7. Won't write tell-all book exposing dirty secrets of Voyager production
6. Template for upcoming Doom-style Star Trek video game
5. 10 seconds of Janeway looking up and down corridor: bad acting. 10 seconds of Species 8472 looking up and down corridor: edge of seat action.
4. Not unionized
3. Hours of fun watching geeky fans attending convention in homemade Species 8472 costume
2. Can now compete with Death Star
1. Yet another character to spin off into a toy

Top Ten Signs Your Klingon Warrior Has No Honor
10. Drinks decaf Raktagino
9. Shouts "Where's the Beef?" before charging into battle
8. Despite years of training and experience at the weapons controls of the flagship of the Federation, manages to get defeated by two incompetant sisters and their secondhand Bird of Prey
7. Nerf bat'leth
6. When they wheel out the Blood Wine, he's always the designated driver
5. Constantly getting beaten up by human females
4. Abandons son with soft human parents, then acts all suprised when son turns out to be terrible warrior
3. Tribble Tamagachi constantly needing to be fed
2. Instead of traditional steel soled battle boots, prefers Nike Air Kaeliss'
1. Wrist broken twice by alien possessed chocoholic bunny-suited half betazed.

Top Ten Reasons to Like Ferengi
10. Never complain about the weather
9. Staggerring market potential for your Bajoran Earring business
8. On Earth you're a villian if you embezzle millions from failed S&L. On Ferenganar, they throw you tickertape parade.
7. Easiest way to obtain illegal Cuban cigars
6. Good starter race to declare war on for wimpy countries, like France
5. They never interrupt movies to ask "What did he say?"
4. Unlike Earth, your HMO can screw over customers, and it's considerred good business sense
3. Pickup basketball game confidence booster after losing to Globetrotters yet again.
2. Can pretend they're the elves Santa rejected
1. Makes your software company's monopolistic tactics seem nice in comparison

Top Ten Things That Keep Voyager's Producers Awake at Night
10. Growing popularity of TJ Hooker among the Amish
9. Declining ratings for Voyager suggest nerds have gotten lives
8. Next story to feature on Jonathan Frakes' Beyond Belief: "Voyager is still on the air"
7. Focus group results show 97% of all viewers want Worf to be regular character on the show
6. Late night prank phone calls from those bastards at Star Wars
5. Fans too busy creating Paramount/Viacom protest sites on the internet to watch new episodes
4. Spent entire special effects budget buying "Heart of the Ocean" sapphire in poorly planned Titanic tie-in
3. Star Trek TNG reruns still posting better ratings
2. Programming quirk that places Voyager in Sunday 9PM time slot against, Babylon 5, Earth: Final Conflict, and X-Files.
1. How to incorporate new sponser Femstat into episode

Top Ten Suprises in Upcoming Star Trek IX
10. Synthale is made out of people!
9. Worf too busy at DS9 to join rest of crew
8. Riker and Troi? Twin brother and sister
7. Chacaute's tattoo shows secret path to mythical planet coverred entirely with water
6. Despite initial skeptisism, Brent Spidner suprisingly good as Batman/Bruce Wayne
5. First Contact with Ba'ku race constantly disrupted by Men In Black
4. Picard is Wesley's father
3. Cameo appearence by Gillian Anderson as skeptical Science Office Lana Mully
2. Giant black tablet discoverred in orbit around Jupiter
1. It's a musical

Top Ten Signs It's Time To Watch Something Other Then Trek
10. Within 10 seconds of viewing, can name and give plot synopsis of STNG episode.
9. First in line to buy DVD copies of Voyager
8. Keep mistaking Death Star for Borg Homeworld.
7. Latest episode of Voyager really thinly veiled rewrite of last year's DS9 episode.
6. Latest episode of DS9 really thinly veiled rewrite of last year's Voyager episode.
5. Spent 5 hours on IRC arguing that Bellana Torres is hot, but Roxann Dawson is not.
4. Warp nacelles move for unexplained reasons.
3. More Ferengi characters then Bajoran characters.
2. Won "Best Costume" Award at three consecutive conventions attended.
1. High heel shoes part of Borg "uniform".

Top Ten Generic Star Trek Plots
10. DNA mutations affect crew.
9. Destructive phenomena reclassified as "life".
8. Holodeck malfunction.
7. Data saves everyone and learns a valuable lesson.
6. Janeway saves everyone and teaches crew valuable lesson.
5. Crew member falls in love with alien, who dies.
4. Ship gets destroyed in alternative timeline.
3. Battle with enemy leaves numerous extras dead.
2. Crew member turns into a God.
1. Some mushy character development nobody cares about.

Top Ten Signs You Are A STF Old Timer
10. Were once an Admiral.
9. Still harbor deep resentment toward 90210 fans.
8. Replied to every census in secret hopes of attracting attention of Kate McCathy.
7. Can remember a time when Midyette wasn't President.
6. Still think voting on positions is passe.
5. Remind people constantly to post on-topic notes.
4. Fondly recall Borg/STF Dove Bar/Blue Jello party alliance.
3. Your name is Brian McFarlane, and Starbase 93 would like you to please move the USS FORD, NCC 0324 out of the no parking zone.
2. Whenever you need to send secure communications, revert to the Midyette/Monroy "secret" code.
1. Actually spoke to Mike Platt.

Top Ten Rejected StarFleet Innovations
10. Seat Belts
9. Non-Explosive Control Panels
8. Data's Head Mark II
7. Beam-Proof Shields
6. Digital Watches.
5. Hairnet (Nelix only).
4. Doors with Handles.
3. Fire Extinguisher in Bridge and Engineering.
2. TransWarp Drive
1. Side Impact Air Bags

Top Ten Uses for Trilithium
10. Achieve Warp 10
9. Relieves Minor Aches and Pain
8. When Added to Wash, Makes Whites Whiter!
7. Air Freshener
6. Stops Nuclear Fusion in Stars
5. Fat Substitue
4. In Minor Doses, Prevents Strokes
3. Highly Unstable Explosive
2. Bait
1. It Slices, It Dices, It Makes Julianne Fries!

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These lists are original creations of Genesun Han and are intended for the private enjoyment of the audience. All or specific lists may be copied and reposted (actually, I'd encourage people to do so) provided that they remain unalterred and credited.
These lists may not be used for any commercial purposes without the express written consent of Genesun Han.