Star Trek Top Ten Lists
by Genesun Han
Unlike many other Star Trek sites, I'm proud to say that all of the lists I post are my own creation. If you have any (constructive) comments or suggestions please feel free to email me. If you'd like to copy this list and post it on your own site, please read the small print at the end of the lists.
Writer's note: Once again, a NEW list of maybe top tens to delight and scare people everywhere in the Continuum. However, in realization that my sense of humor might offend certain people with large stakes and knives and pitc
hforks, I have included a set of alternates which the editors might want to switch around with at their desecration. With that disclaimer set and done ....
Top Ten Signs You Watch Way Too Much Voyager
Alternates
Top Ten Rejected Names for Voyager.
Top Ten Rejected Lines from Generations
Top Ten Little Known Facts About Voyager
Top Five Reasons to Watch DS9
Top Ten Improvements the Borg Would Have Made to the UFP.
Top Ten Sources of Anomolies in Star Trek
Top Ten Reasons Why Voyager Should Stay Lost
Top Four Janeway Pickup Lines
Top Ten Plot Twists on Upcoming Voyager Episodes
Paramount's Top Ten Ideas for Trek
Top Ten Reasons To Rip on Trek
Top Ten Things Overheard During the Last Next Generation Taping.
These lists are original creations of Genesun Han and are
intended for the private enjoyment of the audience. All or specific lists
may be copied and reposted (actually, I'd encourage people to do so)
provided that they remain unalterred and credited.
-Genesun Han
10. Constantly say to yourself: "Think Willy, what would Janeway do in a situation like this!"
9. Call up NASA every Monday and demand they send the Enterprise up to rescue them.
8. Watched another show on UPN.
7. Have seen Star Trek The Motion Picture several times and still don't understand the Vger/Voyager connection.
6. Saw some Residential College student post a plan to kill Nelix and kidnap Kess, and decided to bust his punk ass.
5. Thought that China Beach was part of the holograph doctor's residency training.
4. You cry when the guys watching the Hubble Telescope show you their better, clearer pictures of Jupiter.(Oops! Wrong Voyager!)
3. Eagerly open the door when the Amway people show up, hoping it might be Janeway instead.
2. Insist that the folks at DS9 stop copying the Voyager uniforms.
1. Shatner? Who's Shatner?
You have taken to naming your furniture after the crew.
Used Tuvoc as an example one too many times in your White House Press Release.
Failed physics 242 even though you applied everything you learned from watching Bellana.
Get into drunken fistfights over why France should name another city after a Voyager member.
Tried to give Harry a welcome home hug at the last ST convention.
Have taken all your pictures of Data down, replaced them with pictures of Janeway's animal guide.
Send the aliens back when they tell you that they're interested in some intergalactic MTV after they found that nifty single on Pioneer 11.
Had yourself cyrogenically frozen until the crew's return ... just to get Chacute's autograph.
10. Star Trek, the X Generation
9. Not DS9
8. Columbia
7. SpaceQuest DSV (Deep Space Vehicle)
6. Gallileo
5. Janeway
4. Beating a Dead Horse
3. Help UPN!
2. Enterprise 3
1. Meal Ticket
10. "Save the Universe AGAIN! Can't you clowns ever get it right?!"
9. "Don't I look cute in this bunny suit?"
8. "Geordi? Keep the loser!"
7. "Gee, I could have sworn my uniform was different in the hallway."
6. "Damnit Picard, I'm Riker, not a Command Officer."
5. "No need to fear, Worf's at the controls of the most powerful warship in the Federation Fleet. Those bastards don't stand a chance."
4. "My father told me to be careful around you Kirk."
3. "Wait a minute Data, is the emotion chip still under warranty?"
2. "Um, Sickbay was due to be installed Thursday."
1. "They're dead! The Captain, Worf, Riker, Geordi ... They're all dead!"
10. Dish can also move up and down before warping.
9. Wormhole home in cargo hold 4, accidentally marked as ham entrails.
8. Insured by Allstate.
7. Neural gelpacks actually lactose intolerant.
6. Universal translator can make everybody speak in funny Spanish accent.
5. Nobody likes rock climbing.
4. Male:female ratio? 5:1.
3. Despite superhuman efforts, engineering staff still can't find the primary light switch.
2. Stellar Cartography just a big picture of Federation space and x marking "you are NOT here"
1. Janeway built it herself.
5. Much like Star Trek V, seperates the true trekker from the sane.
4. Two Words: No Holodeck.
3. Can't get enough earring shots.
2. Odo/Kira thing better then Worf/Troi thing any day of the week.
1. Sisko can beat up Klingons.
10. Whole Prime Directive thing would be a moot point.
9. Nobody would ever have to worry about skin cancer.
8. Could finally scrap annoying treaty with Klingons.
7. Picard in control of everything.
6. Immediate entry of Bajor into the Federation.
5. No more scrambling around in the dark, thanks to nifty head laser.
4. Everybody would listen to techno.
3. Bunny suit banned.
2. Confusing commands by High Command replaced by single word: "assimilate"
1. Everybody would be connected to the Internet!
10. Holodeck
9. Cardassian War
8. Janeway
7. Phasers
6. Troi
5. Tacheon
4. Warp Engines
3. Wormholes
2. Shields
1. Data's head
10. Nobody really liked moving nacelles
9. Leaves comfortable monopoly for Intel's Isolinear Chip business.
8. Data can only save one ship at a time.
7. Star Trek, the Voyage Home already used as a title
6. Forces Harry to finally grow up.
5. Leaves a reason to continue watching DS9.
4. QTV gets to continue their experiment to see what happens when you bring together several people from completely different backgrounds and courtesy finally wears out and things start getting real. Real World Trek.
3. Would also mean Nelix's arrival into the Federation.
2. Ran out of TOS people to do a cameo.
1. Prevents Janeway's takeover of the Federation.
4. Excuse me, it that an animal guide in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?
3. Hello, my name's Janeway, I own this ship.
2. Please Romulan, help us ... and by the way, what would you happen to be wearing right now?
1. You know, as Captain, I can officially field commission you to Major Stud.
10. Q appears to taunt crew, loses battle of putdowns with the doctor.
9. Kess' natural hair color appears, due to chronic bleach shortage.
8. Crew finds ship full of large Alien eggs, takes one back, discover to their horror it's a parasite which injects host with Alien before exploding out. Nelix saves the day when Alien has a bad experience injecting him.
7. Unlike other Starfleet ships, nobody on Voyager likes music, much less plays an instrument.
6. Chacute's animal guide? The Energizer Bunny(TM).
5. Encounter a ragtag fleet of last remaining humans in the area, just a step ahead of the Cylon forces, led by the last remaing BattleStar, Galactica.
4. Harry's been playing with Paris all along, he's really got a wife and three kids.
3. Uniforms start switching randomly between DS9, TNG, and TOS types.
2. Bellana and Tuvoc date, proving opposites DO attract.
1.Voyager always had the ability to go back home, all Janeway had to do was click together her little red shoes and say "There's no place like home".
10.Voyager Park. Where the aliens come to life!
9. UPN? More like United Trek Network.
8. William Shatner's Hair Club for Men.
7. Vulcan University, Kansas.
6. Mighty Morphing Power Trekkers !!!
5. Star Trek Barbie(TM).
4. Spinoff doctor show: ES: Emergency Sickbay.
3. Start holding large pointless conventions to sell mounds of useless paraphanelia. Nah ...
2. Spinoff sticom: Mad About Trek
1. Patrick Stewart's Star Trek Extravaganza , now playing at the new Enterprise Casino, Las Vegas. (sadly enough, this one actually came true ... this list was made 4 years before the Star Trek Experience openned in Vegas)
10. Might require an actual life to rip on other shows.
9. Chance to offend millions of more people then anything 90210 can offer.
8. Barney's already been done.
7. Nobody has yet to match William Shatner's stellar preformance as Captain. 'nuff said.
6. Helps pass the time waiting for Baywatch.
5. Just too darn populor for it's own good.
4. Provides good cover for secret addiction to the show.
3. If it's not good enough for the Amish, it's not good enough for YOU!
2. Uniform design harshly cruel to the colorblind.
1. Too much talk, not enough rock, disco, techno, new wave, R&B, country, rap ...
10. Could you make my beard?
9. Am I supposed to look timeshifted or slightly constapated?
8. I know I'm supposed to be older and fatter, but I can't fit through the door!
7. But if we kill you off now, we can't kill you off in the movie with everyone else!
6. Am I supposed to scowl all the time?
5. There's no time to build a new model, we'll just use this papermache basketball.
4. Wait, you mean we're supposed to still be fighting over her?!
3. So then, after my character solves everything and saves the human race, the bald guy is still the hero?
2. What do you mean I get killed off here AND in the movie!
1. Hey Q, dare you to nibble on Picard's ear in that last scene.
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express written consent of Genesun Han.