Chapter Eighty-three:  "Shouldn't you be planning your wedding?"

	Ariana receives a note that Viktoria wishes to send to Ahab,
regarding Foster's bachelor party.  It proposes giving Ahab four
shapeshifters who can imitate Laughter's appearance and mannerisms, to be
used as Ahab sees fit at the bachelor party.  Ariana thinks this is a
wonderful idea, and assures Viktoria that Ahab won't be offended by it. 
Ariana spends the evening playing with her kids until they go to bed, then
does some research in the library.  She learns that when someone leaves
House Vetch, they by law become dead to all members of the House.  This
tends to be the rule in most of the houses where egress is only obtained
by combat.

	Laughter meets with Riftvan, to try to convince him to come to her
wedding.  He politely declines.  If her choice of bridegroom were to
change, then he'd be happy to attend.  He explains that when Foster left
the House, he ceased to exist for Riftvan.  Laughter brings up his past
vow of service to her, and suggests that she could order him to attend. 
He gets a dangerous light in his eyes, and asks if she's sure she wants to
do that, for it is the only way he'll attend.  Laughter reconsiders.  She
suggests that he could change the law.  He explains that his house is in a
tenuous position, and to change the law now would be dangerous.  However,
he points out that his wife is attending.  Laughter asks if this isn't
also against the law.  He confirms that it is.  Laughter gives up and
returns to Amber.

	Ariana asks Riftvan about Takaran weapons.  He confirms that they
are made with an elaborate sorcerous enchantment.  He also mentions that
it is illegal to possess one in Chaos.  Provided you get caught, of
course.  Any really good shapeshifter can feel the presence of such a
blade once it is drawn, and he'd rather she didn't carry one in public in
the Courts.  The penalty for being caught is the removal of the hand which
held the weapon, which is done by one of the King's guard, using the
weapon itself.  Ariana asks if Riftvan was ever caught.  He admits that he
was, once, shortly after he lost Loryn, and he learned a valuable lesson.
Since the hand didn't regenerate, he had to make another one from the
substance of his form.  It's not something that most shapeshifters can do.
Ariana asks why he couldn't regenerate the hand.  He tells her that
regeneration is a form of shapeshifting, which, of course, cannot affect a
wound left by a Takaran weapon.  It's usually the most shapeshifting that
Amberites ever manifest, since the Pattern interferes with it, unless
there's an affinity for it in their branch of the family.  Ariana remarks
that she occasionally wishes Driscoll hadn't had her walk the Pattern for
the first time so quickly.  Riftvan expresses surprise to learn that
Driscoll was the one responsible, comments that it's beginning to make
sense now, and says he needs to run an errand.  He'll be back and explain
when he can.

	Oberon, Ahab, Felix, Foster, Laughter, Usires, Bart, Lyss, Darby,
Benedict, Magdalyn, Eric, Leto, Caine, Swiss Family Gerard, and Chameleon
attend Julian's wedding, which takes place in Arden at dusk.  It's the
first time most people have ever seen Julian in semi-formal dress.  Ahab
is wearing his armor, for obvious reasons.  People eat and drink before
the ceremony, while Vivienne and Darby chase fireflies.  Being a
technically Chaosite, and a Baronet of Bances, Laughter has to stand on
the bride's side, something she likes not at all.  Flavia walks down the
aisle wearing a green and gray tunic, trimmed in silver, and hose, her
hair loose with flowers in it, and carrying a sword.  Something about her
is vaguely reminiscent of Dara.  Maybe it's the freckles.  Pari begins the
ceremony, which seems to have been written by the bride, but with Julian
in mind.  There are no oaths of obedience in it.  Afterwards, everyone
feasts on spitted animals.  When Oberon goes to have his usual chat with
the bride and groom, Flavia curtseys but leaves her hand tucked into her
belt rather than taking Oberon's, a slight faux pas that brings a smile to
Julian's face when Oberon isn't looking.

	Laughter goes to talk to Pari, who is taking to Usires.  On her
way, she is intercepted by Chameleon, who asks for a moment of her time. 
He wants to offer her a gift: he's willing to tender his apology at her
wedding.  She accepts this, and tells him that his sister does his house
credit, implying that he does not.  He bows and gets out of her way.  She
resumes her course towards Pari, and asks him to preside over her wedding. 
She'd like to leave the obedience vows out of her ceremony as well.  He
gives her a copy of the standard ceremony, and tells her to edit it as she
pleases.  Foster sees this and looks nervous.  Ahab tells him not to
bother worrying - whatever he thinks it is, it will be worse.  Laughter
rejoins Foster, who asks what that was about.  She explains that she's
eliminating the obey part of the ceremony, since she figures that 32 hours
of labor should get her out of that.  Suggestions are made by Ahab and
Felix as to what to change it to.

	Bart is contacted magically by Meander, who wants to come to Amber
to talk to Ahab.  He thinks he might know where Corwin is, due to the
visions he's been having.  He also mentions that time is passing quickly
in Discworld.  Not knowing much about the Corwin thing, Bart says he'll
get back to Meander, and Meander ends the contact.  Lyss asks who that
was.  Bart explains that it's her cousin.  He drops his spell, so that he
can hear Ahab, and asks to speak to him alone.  Ahab complies, and Bart
explains about Meander's message.  Ahab sees no reason to stop Meander
from coming to Amber.  It suddenly occurs to Bart that he didn't speed up
Discworld.  Doh!  He heads back to the castle.

	Flavia chats with Laughter, notes her style of dress, and comments
that they must be kindred spirits.  Laughter tends to agree, and envies
her a bit for living among the trees.  Flavia thinks she could have done
far worse.  She reminds Laughter a bit of Rosemary.  Laughter tells Foster
that he's in charge of inviting Driscoll to the wedding, since she's not
speaking to him.

	Caine and Julian occupy themselves with getting Gerard drunk,
while Isabeux tries to get Darby and Vivienne to eat something.  Gerard is
a happy drunk, who tends to fall down a lot.  Felix gets the same
treatment, with similar results, and is soon joined by Usires.  The former
Chaosite women, including Kimdyl, kind of gather together and form their
own cabal.  Other than Gerard falling down a lot, it's a pretty tame
party.

	As things wind down, Laughter and Foster carry the very drunk
Felix with them back to Foil, where Laughter begins modifying the wedding
ceremony scroll.

	Ahab Trumps Ariana, who is still in the library, and comes through
with Ariadne.  Ariana leads them to Riftvan's study, where the appropriate
bows are exchanged.  Ahab brings up the assassination attempts, and wants
to know the best manner of discouraging such contracts.  Simple.  Put up a
large sum of money for information on such contracts.  Ahab asks Riftvan
for one of his higher ranking people to set this up.  He'd also like to
get Riftvan to further discourage his house from accepting such contracts. 
Riftvan points out that his position and Ahab's means there's little he
can do.  Ahab responds that Riftvan could if Ahab could gain his
self-interest.  Riftvan looks amused, as if wondering what Ahab could
offer him.  He admits that he could order his house not to accept such
contracts, but he'd lose some face in doing so.  Not if he got something
beneficial to the house in exchange...  Riftvan wonders what Ahab's
getting at, given their past history.  Ahab says that he's here on behalf
of Nicholas, so it only seems fair to offer something on behalf of Morgan. 
He's sure Riftvan knows of the advantage of Morgan's blood, and Ariana has
mentioned the respect he holds for Ahab's blade.  Is he aware of the
modifications Ahab has made?  No, he doesn't pay that much attention to
Ahab.  Ahab slowly draws his blade enough to show the Pattern inscribed on
it, which Ariana notices puts Riftvan on guard.  Ahab mentions that such a
blade would be far less dangerous to Morgan.  Riftvan nods, and states
that his understanding is that in exchange for doing what is in his power
to prevent the attacks on Nicholas, Morgan will get a Pattern sword.  Ahab
nods.  Given that, and the fact that he is familiar with the difficulty in
raising sons to adulthood, Riftvan will agree to this.  He asks if there
was anything else Ahab wanted to barter for, but Ahab claims there isn't,
and states that he's glad things worked out so agreeably.  Ariana is also
relieved by this, something which Riftvan notices.

	Ahab Trumps Kimdyl and leaves, at which point Riftvan asks Ariana
what Ahab had planned if things had not gone well.  Ariana admits that
Ahab had a list of options.  Was she privy to it?  Not exactly.  Riftvan
decides he's going to have to teach her how to better hide her emotions. 
She says she thought she wasn't being that obvious.  Well, perhaps no one
would have noticed in Amber.  They mix the lesson in with their usual
favorite activity, where Riftvan is a bit more forceful than normal, due
to the mood brought on by his earlier conversation with Laughter.

	Bart insists on seeing Oberon immediately.  Eventually this is
done, and Oberon looks like this had better be good.  Bart explains that
there's another son of Corwin, who wishes to come to Amber now, but he
can't travel by himself, not having walked the Pattern.  Oberon says to
bring him to Amber.  Right now.  Bart hurriedly casts the spell, and
explains things to Meander.  He pulls Meander through, faces him the right
way, and then is told by Oberon that he can leave now.  Bart retreats to
his room, but Lyss is not there, so Bart cowers under the sheets.

	Laughter tells Beauty about her upcoming marriage.  Beauty says
that Fiona is a hard taskmistress.  Laughter does a Tarot reading.  The
results say that she's juggling difficult problems.  The underlying
problem is Dara.  Recent past is Dalt.  Near future is marriage.  Current
situation is poverty.  Family relationships is Ariana.  Hopes and fears is
Jordan.  Possible outcomes are Ariadne or the ace of swords, which
indicates a triumph of great force, and may signify a birth of special
significance.  Laughter ponders this for a while.

	Ahab tells Kimdyl of his meeting with Vetch.  She is pleased by
the outcome, and wonders when they're going to go to that fast-time
Shadow.  She thinks now might be a good time.  He's worried about making
it safe.

	At two in the morning, everyone is woken up by Gerard singing "You
Light Up My Life."  Lyss walks in on Bart while this is going on, and
smiles.  He pulls a pillow over his head.  Lyss manages to give him
something else to pay attention to.

	Laughter spars with Nicholas in the morning, and tells him of her
upcoming wedding.  Nicholas claims that he's too young to have an opinion
on weddings.  Laughter doesn't buy it.  He tells her that if she wants to
marry Foster, it's a good thing, and asks if invitations have gone out. 
She's not sure there's time.  He reminds her that there are pages and
Trumps.  Laughter takes a break and Trumps Felix.  It's sad when you're
taking advice from an eight-year old.

	Felix wakes up and realizes that he's being Trumped, it's early,
and he has a splitting headache.  He activates his pin and goes back to
sleep.  Laughter Trumps Foster next, and asks him to wake Felix up, so he
can plan the wedding.  As for the invitations, they decide that she will
take care of inviting the Chaos people, and Foster will invite the Amber
people.

	Ahab makes an appointment with Bleys' social secretary for
sometime that afternoon, then uses the Jewel to finally take care of his
curse.

	Felix finds himself being shaken vigorously, and swats at Foster,
then rolls himself up in his blankets and faces the wall.  Foster lifts
the bed up and dumps Felix on the floor.  Felix gets up and gives him a
dirty look.  Foster laughs, and explains that Laughter wants him to plan
the wedding.  Felix suggests that Foster bond with his mother and have
Tamaryn do it.  Foster likes this idea, and lets Felix go back to sleep.

	Ariana wakes up and asks Riftvan if he's feeling better. 
Somewhat.  She asks what was troubling him.  He tells her to ask Laughter. 
She Trumps to Amber for her lesson with Laughter, and asks her about it
while they are sparring.  Laughter explains about her meeting with
Riftvan.  Ariana doesn't think pushing Riftvan on that was a good idea,
and mentions her own failed attempt to persuade him to go.  She asks if
Driscoll is invited to the wedding, since she will need an escort in
Riftvan's absence.  Laughter explains why she's mad at him.  Ariana says
that he needs to find a woman, and Laughter heartily agrees.  They discuss
Laughter's wedding dress, which Laughter has decided will be ivory.  She
wants to get it after she has Trumped her mother and fathers and invited
them to the wedding.  Ariana decides to eat breakfast in Amber while she's
waiting for Laughter to do this.

	Lyss sleeps in, and Bart wants to do likewise, but is woken up as
soon as it's light by Darby bouncing on the bed.  Lyss suggests that it's
time for Bart to start being his father, so Bart takes him to breakfast.

	Most of the Elder men are not at breakfast, since they are out
setting up estates in the surrounding land.  It has to do with the fact
that they will be having families of their own, soon.  Everyone who is at
breakfast is treated to a rather hung over Gerard.  Ariana asks Ahab what
happened.  He fills her in by psychically replaying Gerard's version of
the song, but she cuts him off after hearing the first bar.  She asks him
to make sure that Driscoll is well entertained at the bachelor party, and
he's happy to oblige.  Oberon isn't at breakfast, so Caine entertains
himself by picking on Gerard.  Vivienne and Darby discuss how much they
each would like a puppy, no doubt to the dismay of their respective
parents.

	Laughter Trumps Mandor and invites him to the wedding.  She also
asks if it's true that you're considered dead when you leave a house. 
Mandor admits that it's true for the more militant houses.  So this would
include Vetch?  Mandor concludes that Riftvan won't be in attendance at
her wedding.  Laughter isn't happy about this, and asks if it would be an
abuse of Mandor's power to order Riftvan to go.  Mandor's expression shows
surprise, admiration, then entertainment.  He says that if Laughter wants
Riftvan to be there, he will be.  Laughter hesitates, saying she doesn't
want Riftvan to be mad at her.  Mandor doubts Riftvan would hurt her,
given who her parents are, and he's sure he can find an errand for Riftvan
in the vicinity of her wedding.  Laughter would also like Jordan and Emer
to come.  Mandor isn't sure Jordan can be trusted so close to Amber, but
he'll see.

	Laughter Trumps Fiona next, and asks her to come to the wedding. 
Fiona asks how the planning is going.  What planning?  Er.  Fiona decides
to take over things, which consists of getting Michael for the food, and
Flora's advice on the rest.  Laughter asks how Beauty's training is
coming.  Fiona says she's making progress.

	Laughter Trumps Foster while he's bathing Haris.  Apparently, he
tried to feed Haris solid food.  Laughter is not pleased.  She tells him
that Fiona is lending a hand with the planning, which means that Tamaryn
had better be informed.  She makes Foster do this, while she puts together
the rest of the guest list.

	Laughter wakes Felix up and asks him to watch Haris while she goes
shopping for her wedding dresses.  They hear a scream, and a crash, and
rush to the source of the scream.  There they find Bridget throwing vases
at Shard, screaming that it's the devil's creature down there.  Laughter
point out that a vase won't really stop him, and sends Bridget off to tell
Caitt about the wedding.  After she leaves, Shard asks who she was. 
Laughter explains that Bridget may be carrying his child.  Felix adds that
it might be his child, instead.  Fast-time Shadows suck.  Laughter goes to
give Haris to Caitt, then asks Bridget what her objection is to Shard. 
Bridget tells her that Shard is undead, he has all the marks.  She's
disturbed that her cross didn't affect him, and finds him somewhat
familiar.  Laughter leaves explaining that to Caitt.  It occurs to her
that Bridget seemed awfully strong, given how she was tossing the vases
one-handed.

	Bart goes to see Arthur on Florian's behalf, and requests asylum
for him in Rebma.  You see, Florian engages in homosexual behavior, and
the Courts tend to frown on this.  Arthur doesn't think granting this
request will be much of a problem.  Helgram will likely hush it up,
especially since Florian is the Duke's son.  They discuss Moire's absence
and how much she is missed.  Bart also brings up the upcoming bachelorette
party.  Arthur tells him that they've rented a whole theater for it.  Bart
thinks Arthur might want to have security nearby, just in case things get
out of hand.  Arthur doubts that will be necessary.  Bart Trumps Florian
and tells him that everything's fine.  All Florian has to do now is shake
the brother who is his bodyguard, something he insists on doing alone. 
Florian won't say which brother it is, but Bart is pretty sure that it's
Gabriel.  He breaks the contact, then Trumps Lyss and brings her and Darby
through to Rebma.

	Ahab moves up his meeting with Bleys, and asks him about hiding a
Shadow with Pattern.  If he works with Fiona, Bleys figures they could
keep it invisible to people like Brand, and Logrus users would just go zap
on it.  He'll be able to work on it after the shindig this evening.  As if
on cue, four lovely women round the corner and hand Ahab the scroll
Viktoria wrote.  Bleys looks disappointed that it's not for him.  Ahab
reads it, smiles broadly, and says, "Most assuredly."  He directs the
women to Trinity, and then tells Bleys that Viktoria sent him a gift. 
Ahab gives Trinity special operating instructions regarding Driscoll,
which is basically that he's to get laid repeatedly before the night is
out.  Trinity tells Ahab that Foster must arrive blindfolded.  Ahab was
planning on it.

	Laughter, Viktoria and Ariana go dress shopping in Shadow. 
Laughter wants to wear an Elizabethan dress, with a high-neck.  Ariana
will not hear of it, and Viktoria agrees.  They point out that the dress
should make every man at the wedding wish he was Foster.  Laughter gives
in and leaves the style up to Ariana, who decides on a low-cut
Empire-waist gown.  Laughter decides to follow the pre-Waterloo convention
of dampening the thin muslin, something Ariana thinks is an excellent
idea.  They pick out dresses for Ariana and the bridesmaids in the same
style.

	Felix asks Foster what the garb for the wedding was supposed to
be.  Foster suggests asking Laughter, so Felix Trumps her and comes
through.  Laughter decides she wants the men to wear Georgian-style
clothing.  This style involves wearing pants that are tailored to fit
rather snugly.  The significance of this will become important later on. 
Felix agrees to outfit the groomsmen, and asks what Laughter is doing
about the rings.  Oops, she'd forgotten about that.  Felix leaves, and
joins his father in the Amber lumberyard, working on the happy couple's
wedding present.

	Laughter Trumps Mandor and wants to know if Jordan is coming, and
if so, would he make a good groomsman.  It's either that or Usires, since
he once attacked Foster with his ax.  Mandor confirms that Jordan is
attending, but likes the idea of Usires better, so Laughter Trumps Usires,
and tells him to get in touch with Felix.  Laughter also sends Foster a
note saying she won't see him until the wedding, and bars him from Foil. 
Ariana solves the ring dilemma by offering to conjure Foster's ring for
Laughter.  Laughter provides her with a description of what she wants,
which is basically a simple red-gold band with an inscription, and Ariana
quickly supplies her with one.  She also suggests that Laughter tell
Nicholas that they won't be fencing tomorrow morning, it being the morning
after the party, and the day of the wedding.  Laughter finds Nicholas and
informs him of this.  Nicholas asks if they'll be fencing after her
wedding.  Maybe.  Won't she be on her honeymoon?  Well...  Ariana smacks
her, and tells Nicholas that she'll take over his instruction until
further notice.  He bows.

	Ahab travels to Begma and discusses Eregnor with the officials
there.  I don't think much came out of this, but the log was involved in
another conversation when this happened, so details are sparse.

	Ariana returns to Vetchways and invites Mirelle to lunch in two
days, then eats with her family.  Afterwards, she asks Riftvan why
Chameleon resembles Driscoll so much, since he is not a Shadow.  He
explains that occasionally there are Chaosites who resemble Amberites.  He
doesn't know what causes this, nor has he bothered keeping track of which
Amberites have this Chaos "twin."  Ariana hopes they're not all as bad as
Chameleon.  Riftvan doesn't share her opinion of the man, explaining that
if not for Chameleon, Gramble and Mandor would have died during the civil
war.  Ariana still finds what he did to Laughter to be despicable.
Riftvan thinks that he was merely carrying out someone else's orders.
Laughter does have powerful parents, after all, and Dara would no doubt
like to sever Chameleon's ties to the King.  So why doesn't Chameleon just
admit that he was ordered to do what he did?  Riftvan figures his pride
prevents him.  Ariana asks if it would hurt Chameleon's pride for someone
else to inform Laughter, and Riftvan replies that he'd actually probably
be grateful if someone did that.

	Usires asks his page where Felix is.  The page leaves in search of
him, and Felix receive a Trump call from Isabeux shortly afterward, saying
Usires wants to see him.  Felix comes through and is brought to Usires,
where he explains Usires' role in the wedding, and what he must be
wearing.  Then Felix Trumps Flora and explains how the groomsmen need to
be outfitted.  Flora comes through, while Felix Trumps Gerard and Rinaldo
and explains that they have to be fitted now.  Rinaldo tries to get out of
this, to no avail.  Felix then Trumps Ahab, who resists, until Flora lends
a hand, and it goes through.  Felix is abashed when he sees that he's
interrupted Ahab's meeting.  They discuss what Ahab will wear, and Flora
suggests what he was wearing on his Trump.  Will do.  Felix also tells
Foster about the outfitting, but says he'll call him later.  Flora turns
the men over to her people, with the instructions that she is to be called
for the final fitting.  Usires hits the tailor when the man tries to
measure his inseam.  Rinaldo manages to explain the purpose of this, and
allows the measurement to be taken on himself, to convince Usires to go
through with it.  Whiles this is going on, Felix Trumps Foster, who is
fitted separately, so he won't know that Usires is the man Laughter picked
as his mystery groomsman.

	Delwin's wedding takes place in the afternoon.  As with most of
the previous weddings, the bride and groom are less than thrilled.
Oberon, Alex and Teresa attend.

	Fiona arrives in Amber to help gather Laughter up for the
bachelorette party.  Ariana asks to speak privately with her, and when
Fiona agrees, asks if the Jewel's destruction and reformation will have
any affect on her unborn child.  Fiona isn't sure, since it's never
happened before.  Haris seems to have an affinity for the Pattern, but
that's it, so far.  Fiona is sure the Pattern won't harm the baby, though,
much to Ariana's relief.

	Bart uses magic to track Florian to a bar.  Florian informs Bart
that he has confronted his brother and been disowned.  His leg was badly
broken during the confrontation.  Bart tells him that he's welcome to stay
in Llewella's house in Rebma, and spends the rest of the afternoon
settling him in.

	Laughter is reading a book of hers in her study in Foil when there
is a knock at her door.  Fiona, Ariana, Viktoria and Kira are there. 
Fiona produces a lavender cloth, and tells Laughter to blindfold herself. 
Laughter attempts to leave herself peaking room, but is thwarted when
Ariana checks the blindfold, and ties it more securely.  Laughter is
brought to Rebma, where she is changed into Rebman garb while still
blindfolded.  Fiona jokes that they are changing Laughter on a stage in
front of everyone, and Laughter believes this at first.  Fiona finds this
very amusing.  When the blindfold is removed, Laughter finds that she is
in a dressing room, and Fiona, Ariana, Viktoria and Kira have changed into
Rebman garb as well.  Laughter is led into a theater, where she is
escorted to a seat of honor by two well-chiseled men, who begin fanning a
cool current across her.  The theater is full of women, most of whom
Laughter knows, and Rebman men dressed in very skimpy, easily removable,
loincloths.  Beauty is there, but dressed very conservatively.  Bart,
shapeshifted to look like a female, begins flirting with some of the women
in attendance, and is smacked by Lyss.  Ariana notices this, walks over,
and is introduced to "Beatrice."

	Everyone eats and drinks their fill, then the curtain goes up, and
a production of Shakespeare's "Measure for Measure" begins.  It's a more
extended version of the play, however, with things that were merely
implied actually taking place.  Much lovemaking takes place in the
background, as well, and it is not confined to the stage.  Various
audience members are invited to participate, Viktoria being one of them. 
Laughter wants Beauty to participate, and but Beauty demurs, claiming
she'd rather her first time was less public.  Laughter is surprised that
she's still a virgin, given how she found Beauty with Shard.  Beauty says
she'll participate if Laughter will.  Laughter considers this.  Ariana
offers to arrange a more concealed spot for Beauty, but the girl still
refuses to join the fun.  She tries not to watch all the lovemaking that's
going on, although Ariana, Laughter and co. do their best to thwart her
efforts.

	After the play, Viktoria straightens herself out, thanks everyone
for attending, and says that the servitors can introduce those who are
willing to a specialty of the region: Rebman sensual massage.  She's been
told that, if you ask nicely, they'll do more than massage.  Lyss gives
Bart permission to indulge, since she's already picked out her man. 
Laughter insists that Beauty participate, which she does reluctantly. 
Beauty, Laughter and Ariana opt to stick with just the external massage
(vows of fidelity can be so annoying).  Ariana briefly toys with the idea
of taking it further, just to see if everyone that she sleeps with really
does turn out to be Riftvan, but decides not to.  The men are really,
really good at what they do, and a good time is had by all.

	At about the same time that Laughter brought to her party, Ahab,
Felix and Gerard make their way to Foster's quarters, where Ahab kicks the
door open.  Foster comes down off the ceiling, and says that whatever it
is, he didn't do it.  They blindfold him, put him on an ass, and lead him
into an inn in town, where he is placed in the seat of the guest of honor. 
All of the women present have dyed their hair black, are wearing
see-through or non-existent tops, and are carrying swords.  Driscoll has
already found the bar and is drinking heavily.  Foster's blindfold is
removed, and he blinks a bit and swallows hard when he sees the women. 
Music begins and the men assemble in their seats as food is brought out. 
Foster's table consists of two women holding a board, called Table, of
course, and he is attended by Knife, Fork and Goblet, although obviously
not the same women who were at Ahab's bachelor party.  Once the meal is
underway, Trinity claps her hands to begin the entertainment.  Steel and
Blade emerge, also with their hair dyed black, and they put on a rather
spectacular sword-play demonstration for about an hour.  Eventually, Blade
wins out over Steel, holds a sword to her throat, and waits for Foster's
decision.  Foster names her Ahab's slave for the evening.  Steel walks
over to Ahab and hands her leash to him.  Trinity claps her hands again,
and Fist and Hand come forth.  They do an impressive martial combat, and
are even more flexible and acrobatic than Steel and Blade.  Hand
eventually wins, holds Fist by the throat, and waits for Foster's
decision.  He names her Felix's slave.  Fist drapes herself over Felix and
hands him her leash.  Trinity claps her hands a third time, and a rather
erotic dance begins, with women even more flexible than the ones before. 
Once the men are in the proper frame of mind, the women group together,
and when they separate, there stand four women identical to Laughter.  A
small whine escapes from Foster's throat.  The four Laughters bring the
dance up close and personal to Foster, but never quite let him touch them,
although they touch him quite a bit.  They entertain him for the rest of
the night.

	At one point, Ahab asks Foster what possessed him to take a vow of
monogamy *before* he got married.  Foster just looks like he's in agony,
and begs to be allowed to touch the Laughters, to no avail.  Felix watches
Foster suffer for a while, then leaves the room to spend some quality time
with Fist.  Foster asks Ahab if he's at least going to smuggle Laughter in
later.  Ahab doesn't think there's any point.  Why?  Well, Ariana arranged
the bachelorette party, so he figures Laughter certainly won't be feeling
any pain.  Foster is most distressed.  Driscoll eventually leaves with a
woman who looks very much like Laughter.  Gerard joins Ahab in tormenting
Foster, as does Felix, when he returns.  Felix leaves at three or four in
the morning, although the party continues until dawn.  Foster is told to
choose one of the women to be Laughter's surprise bridesmaid.  He wisely
does not pick one of the shapeshifted Laughters.  When the party finally
winds down, Ahab suggests that Foster find a hotel room to sleep in, since
his sheets are going to smell like Laughter and only make things worse. 
Foster looks like he wants to die.

	Laughter leaves her party at about four in the morning, and
returns to Foil.  Ariana leaves shortly thereafter, and returns to
Vetchways, but Riftvan isn't there.  She decides to go back to the party,
but Riftvan returns as she is preparing to leave, and observes that's
she's dressed rather nicely.  She asks what called him out so late.  He
doesn't want to talk about it.  She notices by the light in his eyes that
he's very angry, and offers to make him forget whatever is troubling him. 
He'd like that.  She proceeds to try out the massage technique that she
just learned, among other things, and eventually he relaxes enough to go
to sleep.

	Lyss wakes up and is surprised to find that she never left the
theater.  She and Bart get some food, check on Darby, who they had left
with Florian, and then go to sleep again.

	Laughter racks some spells, bathes in the lake, and then meditates
among the trees for a while.  Afterwards, she talks to Beauty about her
behavior at the party.  She was under the impression that Shard and Beauty
had slept together.  Beauty admits that this is true, but claims that she
wasn't thinking clearly last night.  Laughter asks if she's ever enjoyed
himself.  Well, sort of.  This means no.  Laughter tries to convince her
that sex is fun.  Beauty doesn't want to discuss this, and says they
should be talking about Laughter, this being her wedding day and all. 
Laughter allows the subject to be changed.

	Ahab returns and tends to Kimdyl.  She asks if it was all that he
hoped it would be.  Oh yes, he thinks there may be permanent damage to
Foster.  Kimdyl finds this most amusing.

	Ariana Trumps Driscoll in the morning, and asks him to be her
escort at the wedding.  She gets the feeling that he hadn't been planning
on going, but he's doesn't refuse her.  More the fool he.  Riftvan wakes
up, and is still angry, but he doesn't wish to discuss it.  She notices
that he's dressing up, and then he begins flipping through a book of
pictures.  Eventually, he finds one he likes, sets the book on an easel,
and soon thereafter looks exactly like the man pictured.  Then he slips a
dagger up his sleeve, tells Ariana not to act like she recognizes him at
the wedding, and leaves.  Ariana looks shocked, then Trumps Laughter and
goes through.  Laughter admits that she asked Mandor to order Riftvan to
be at the wedding.  Ariana is not happy, but doesn't point out the obvious
errand that Mandor would find for an assassin, since she wants Laughter to
enjoy her wedding.  They round up Beauty and the surprise bridesmaid and
dress for the ceremony.  The only sticking point occurs when Beauty
doesn't want to dampen the muslin on her dress, even though all of the
others are doing so.  Eventually, Ariana just does it for her, much to
Beauty's dismay.

	Felix fetches the men's outfits from Flora shortly after noon, and
distributes them to everyone.  Foster isn't in his quarters, so Felix
Trumps Ahab and asks where he is.  Ahab explains.  Felix goes to the inn
and knocks on Foster's door.  Eventually Foster mumbles that the door is
open.  Felix enters and finds that all the curtains are drawn, and there's
a lump in the bed.  He asks when Foster went to bed.  Oh, around eightish. 
Felix wants him to start getting ready.  Foster throws off the covers and
emerges with a truly horrendous case of bed head.  Felix says that last
night taught him that he's not going to have his relatives arrange his
bachelor party.  Oh, no, Foster has made it his goal in life now to marry
Felix off, and there *will* be a bachelor party.  Felix likes this not at
all.  Foster is still suffering from the aftereffects of the dancing
Laughters, and ice is required to get him into his pants.  Remember how
closely fitted they were?

	Laughter looks Viktoria up in the afternoon, and says that since
Viktoria strikes her as a woman of great discretion, she has a favor to
ask of her.  One of her guests is not officially allowed to acknowledge
the existence of her betrothed, so she'd like Viktoria to make sure the
guest, Riftvan Vetch, doesn't come into contact with Foster or Tamaryn. 
Viktoria says she'll do her best.

	Ahab checks on the fast-time Shadow that he plans to retreat to
with his family for a while.

	Usires, knowing how Foster must be suffering, tells Pari to take
his time with the wedding ceremony, ensuring that the agony will last as
long as possible.

	The wedding takes place at dusk in the Grove of the Unicorn.  It
is well attended by most of the Amberites, Mandor, Jordan, Emer, and
several Heads of House.  The mystery bridesmaid proceeds down the aisle
with Usires.  Foster starts a bit when he sees the Viking, and tells Ahab
that it figures Laughter invited the man who threw an ax at him.  He gives
Laughter's wedding ring to Ahab, who puts it in a pocket, then transfers
it to another one when Foster isn't looking.  Beauty proceeds down the
aisle next, with Rinaldo, and Nicholas definitely appreciates her dampened
dress.  Next is Ariana alone, and finally, Laughter.  As she walks down
the aisle, her dress has the desired affect, and every man there knows the
pain that Foster is in.  Usires catches Pari's eye, and Pari does, indeed,
drag the ceremony out.  Foster begins to sweat.  Laughter gives him an
image of Fiona psychically, which calms him down briefly, but the sight of
Laughter quickly makes matters worse again.  She tries an image of Fiona
naked, which works a little better, but still doesn't do the trick.
Finally, Laughter gives him the labor pain he refused to share when she
gave birth to Haris.  This causes him to squint, and buckle his knees
briefly, but does the trick.  Pari decides to rush things along at this
point.  The ceremony reaches the point where objections are asked for.
Ariana and Ahab both keep an eye on Driscoll, who looks like he was going
to say something, but then wisely thinks better of it.  Ahab takes pity on
Foster and doesn't pretend to have lost the ring when Foster asks for it.
Finally, the ceremony ends, and Foster gives Laughter quite the passionate
kiss indeed.  Then the wedding party begins walking back down the aisle,
with Foster and Laughter first, followed by Ahab and Ariana, Rinaldo and
Beauty, then Usires and the mystery bridesmaid.  Ariana and Ahab very
carefully don't look at each other, although Kimdyl is bound to be pissed
anyway.  As the happy couple reach the end of the aisle, Foster casts a
spell that makes everyone briefly forget about them, and drags Laughter
into the woods for a quickie.  Beauty is quite embarrassed for her mother
when they return, just as people are starting to wonder where they are.
The receiving line begins, and, surprisingly, Riftvan goes through it, in
his true form.  He starts the line with Felix, though, which puts him past
Tamaryn.  When he reaches Ariana, he slips something into one of her
pockets, and tells her psychically to hold that for him.  Then he moves
onto Laughter, who "accidentally" drops one of her hair pins and tells
Foster to get it, so Riftvan doesn't have to face him.


Quotables:

"I thought we were only speaking of the past metaphorically." -- Riftvan
"Well, I mean metaphorically in a different way." -- Laughter

"I assume that you are calling me to service?" -- Riftvan
"I don't know if I want to do that, you might hurt me." -- Laughter

"It would be promise to try to be coherent." -- Bart
"That would be Laughter's wedding." -- Kris
"You can't make promises you can't keep." -- Mer

"Corwin slept around?  That bastard, cheating on his sister!" -- Sean to
the group

"I'm going to have to strip-search myself when I get home." -- Ahab to GM

"It just occurred to me that a wedding takes a lot of careful planning, so
could you wake your father up?" -- Laughter to Foster

"I think I can find an errand to keep (Vetch) in the vicinity of your
wedding." -- Mandor to Laughter
"Has it occurred to you the sort of errand Mandor would find for an
assassin to do around your wedding?" -- Kris to Mer

"(Laughter's) mind is an open book, that no one can close." -- Jason

"Shouldn't you be planning your wedding?" -- Fiona
"What is there to plan, the priest knows we're coming!" -- Laughter

"That was an awfully long time ago." -- Shard
"No it wasn't, don't you love Shadow?" -- Felix

"You hadn't been snacking while going down the hall?" -- Felix to Shard

"Please, like I wouldn't have a fashion store available to me at any
moment." -- Flora to Felix

"You're going to a bachelorette party.  Only you're going to have to grow
breasts." -- Lyss to Bart

"What's holding (the men's loincloth) up?" -- Laughter
"String.  It's tied in a bow on the side." -- GM
"I touch not the bow." -- Laughter

"My legs talk." -- Foster
"Do they cut off other people's legs?" -- Ahab
"Well, no." -- Foster
"So, they don't carry quite the same weight in an argument (as Sequence)."
-- Ahab

"What is (Riftvan) going to do to me?  Torture?  Death?" -- Laughter
"Oh, nothing so obvious." -- Ariana
"There's something worse than that, but not so bad." -- Laughter

"Just knock me out, let me go through the (wedding) ceremony unconscious."
-- Foster
"I don't think that's legal." -- Felix

"(Laughter) would invite the man who threw an ax at me." -- Foster
"I'm sure he didn't mean it." -- Ahab

"I have a hand, could you use that?" -- Laughter
"A hand?" -- Foster
"Well, I'm not exactly lubricated at the moment." -- Laughter