Chapter Seventy-one: "I'm not mad.  I'm just annoyed beyond all possible
reparation."

	Laughter tries to fence, but starts to feel sick, and stops. 
Foster enters the room looking very mad, but swallows it when he sees how
she feels.  He escorts her to the infirmary.  She inquires as to his mood. 
He says he had words with Ariana, but he doesn't want to talk about it
now.  She asks about arranging a marriage to Julian's son, then clarifies
that she's wants to arrange the marriage for Beauty.  Foster is relieved. 
He figures she should wait until Beauty is a little older.  She mentions
that she's thinking about spending some time in Chaos.  Foster is
unthrilled.  She says she won't go until the war is over, which prompts
him to mutter that he hopes it's a long war.  She asks what put him in
such a pissy mood.  He tells her that Ariana rifled through his mind.  She
doesn't believe that Ariana would do that on purpose.  Foster is upset
that she doesn't believe him.  She points out that he's lied to her for
several years.  They begin to argue about this.  Laughter says "Foster
Vetch, if that is your real name..." but Foster jumps out the window
before she can finish.

	Laughter Trumps Ariana and joins her on the battlements, to get
her side of the story.  Ariana explains what happened.  Laughter says she
understands, and mentions something about her "erstwhile fiance."  Ariana
asks what she meant by that.  Laughter explains that she's not sure about
the marriage anymore.  She hasn't told this to Foster, of course.  She
figures it should be obvious by the fact that she hasn't replaced the
engagement ring that she lost.  They fence for a while, to work out their
frustration.  Both notice that they tire faster than they used to, and
they are pretty beat after an hour and a half.  The conversation turns to
their pregnancies.  Sequence is unhappy that Laughter won't be able to
fence in the latter half of her pregnancy.  Laughter wants to know how
many children she's carrying.  Ariana offers to see how many minds she can
sense in a couple of weeks, although Laughter doesn't quite follow how
that works.  Laughter wants to do something fun, like see a movie.  Ariana
points out that the current situation does not lend itself to that, and
suggests getting some rest.  Not wanting to go back to her quarters,
Ariana winds up sleeping on the battlements, while Laughter decides to
spend the night at Fiona's cottage.  She gains an escort of Julian's men
once she reaches Arden.  She attempts to Trump Foster, but he does not
answer.

	The following morning, Ariana attempts to get Bart to put Ahab's
chip back in the bum, but he wants to think about it over breakfast.  The
sight of breakfast is making Ariana nauseous, so she returns to the
battlements.  Bart eats breakfast, Trumps Constance, and goes through to
her.  He asks her to arrange for him to see Mandor, and racks spells while
he's waiting for this to be set up.

	A page delivers a napkin from "Lord Bart" to Ariana.  It says Lady
Vetch on the outside and has Ahab's chip wrapped inside.  Ariana locates
the bum, who is drunk in the wine cellar, and slaps the chip in.  Ahab has
never felt this drunk before in his life.  He is brought up to the
infirmary and made to vomit, the sight of which induces Ariana to join in. 
Ahab is given lots of water and decides to lie down for a while.  Ariana
Trumps Mirelle, but can't get through.  She spends an hour or so going
over the medical data in her head while she waits for her stomach to
settle down.

	Alex goes to see his mother, who proceeds to pick on him.  He
wants to send one of her servants into Mandorways to find Mebd.  She tells
him to send one of his own, since she values hers too much to loose them.

	Bart finishes hanging his spells, and is told by Constance that
she has set up his meeting with Mandor.  Bart dawdles while freshening up,
and has to be dragged out by Constance, who points out that being late for
his appointment is not the best way to start off.  He goes to the meeting
and asks for anything Mandor knows that would aid him in getting into
Daraways.  He wants to free Dara's prisoners, you see.  Mandor tells him
of Dara's magical defenses and the structure of her ways.

	Usires notices that Julian is preparing for battle, so he offers
to help.  Julian sets him to building barricades in Arden.

	Bart returns to Amber and finds Florian pretending to be a piece
of furniture in his bedroom.  He updates Florian on his meeting with
Mandor and asks if he's a conjurer.  Nope, that's Mordecai.  Florian
suggests that Bart find Driscoll.  Bart does this thing, and tells
Driscoll that he's planning to invade Daraways.  Driscoll thinks he's nuts
and checks him for a chip.  Bart explains that freeing Merlin and Rinaldo
would be very useful, and he has some information on Daraways' defenses. 
Driscoll is game.  Bart asks him to conjure some bifocals and some
Hendrake garb.  Driscoll easily does this.  Bart asks him for garb for
Florian of Helgram and Usires, as well.  Of course, he still has to *ask*
Usires to join him....

	Ahab and Ariana go down to lunch.  Laughter speaks with a military
type and gets a position among the archers defending the castle.

	Bart asks Driscoll where Usires is.  Driscoll thinks he's in
Arden, so Bart Trumps Shard and asks if Usires is about.  He is, so Bart
comes through.  Shard leads him to Usires.  Bart offers them the
opportunity to chop up some Hendrakes.  Someone needs to spank Dara, after
all, and it will free Brand to act.  Given the choice of either staying in
Arden and getting steam-rollered by Dara's armies, or pillaging someone's
house, Usires opts to do the latter.  Shard is inclined to go as well,
since otherwise Julian will set him to chopping trees.  Bart sends a man
to inform Julian that they are leaving.  Usires lifts Bart bodily into the
air, and asks if he plans on Trumping out on them again.  Bart assures
them that he won't leave them this time.  Uh-huh.  They all Trump back to
the main hall and go to Driscoll's room for their costumes.  The plan is
that Shard and Usires will pretend to be Hendrakes and turn Bart over to
Dara's guards.  Once he's delivered to the main guards, he'll create a
diversion, by insulting them.  At this point, everyone will distract the
Hendrakes until Florian takes over their minds.  Then they'll march right
in.  Bart has no intention of leaving anyone alive, or leaving Dara's ways
intact.  The plan explained, they leave via Logrus.

	After lunch, Ariana brings Kira to the castle to stay with her,
since it should be safer than being in town.  Kira is amused to learn that
Ariana is pregnant again.  Ariana mentions that her children have been
moved to a safer place.  Kira sympathizes and asks where Ariana's husband
is.  Ariana explains that he's doing something to help defeat Dara's
armies.  As they arrive, Ariana senses Bart's posse's Logrus departure and
endeavors not to throw up again.

	Alex says good-bye to his mom and goes looking for Mebd.  Heather
is informed of his arrival at Mandorways.  The servant thinks he'll be
hard to get rid of, since this is his second visit.  Heather decides to
let Mebd be informed, but keeps Alex under surveillance.  Mebd shows up
ten minutes later and throws herself into Alex's arms.  She's puzzled by
his expression, so he explains about the war.  She had no idea it was that
widespread.  Figures.  Alex fills her in on the happenings in Amber and
they decide to go on a picnic.  What else does one do in the middle of a
war?

	Laughter decides to send Beauty back to Foil.  Beauty tries to use
a Trump of Laughter, but can't quite activate it.  Laughter gives her a
Trump of Caitt to practice with, then Trumps Caitt and passes her through
to Foil.  Laughter then goes looking for Foster.  He eventually Trumps her
and comes through.  She explains that she spoke with Ariana, and she's
sure Ariana didn't know she was going through his mind.  Foster is more
upset that Ariana didn't trust him.  Laughter says she doesn't trust him
as much as she used to, either.  Foster figures he'll avoid Ariana until
he's dealt with it.  It just bothers him that she knows so much about him. 
Laughter asks what he's hiding.  He's says he just doesn't like someone
knowing about him.  They decide to table the discussion until after the
battle.  Foster is surprised that she's fighting, although she assures him
that she's staying with the archers.  Sequence opts to stay with her.

	Ariana borrows some Alka-Seltzer from Laughter, then gives a
good-bye note to Kira for her kids, in case something happens to her. 
Kira finds it morbid, but Ariana figures dying is a real possibility right
now.  She asks Benedict for a position with the fighters and is stationed
at the gates.

	Fiona arrives in Arden with Corwin and tells Julian that Corwin
has been freed, but it's too late to call off his army.

	Alex Trumps Delwin, who seems to be in a medieval setting.  He
won't say where, of course.  While they are talking, Mebd takes off Alex's
shoes and licks his toes, then begins working her way up.  Alex strives to
ignore her.  Delwin observes that he seems to be preoccupied.  Alex
figures he'll get back to Delwin later.  Mebd jumps into his lap.  He asks
if she's feeling bloodthirsty.  They decide to offer their help in Amber,
then leave if they get bored.

	The city alarm goes off, and after a while, the invading army
forms a ring encircling the town.  They seem to be laying in for a siege.

	Ahab goes to see Kimdyl.  She snickers a bit at his current body. 
Nicholas' nose is taped, but he doesn't want to talk about.  Ahab figures
he'll be sitting this one out, but puts on his sword and armor anyway,
then Trumps Fiona, with Kimdyl's help.  Fiona comes through and tells him
that Caine, Gerard and Felix are at sea, Julian has the forest, and
Benedict has the castle.  He asks her if she can find him a better body. 
She tells him that the command center is in Flora's quarters and leaves. 
He goes there and finds Benedict, Bleys and Corwin.  He listens to them
for a while.  Fiona returns with another body that looks sort of like him,
and swaps the chip.  She mentions that she had to get a rush job on the
jack, and Ahab notices that the back of his neck hurts, but pain is
something he's familiar with.

	Laughter takes her position on the battlements in full war-paint. 
The first attack wave comes in.  It's an aerial assault, and Fiona smiles
as she watches them advance.  The assault reaches a certain point and goes
up in blue crackles, like hitting a bug zapper.  That's it for the day. 
That night, there's a sea skirmish.

	Ahab has a late night chat with Corwin.  Corwin recalls that
Dara's plan is either to drive or starve them out.  His army is completely
merged with hers, and he's no doubt considered a traitor.  Ahab figures
Corwin should have spread that rumor about Dara when he had the chance.

	Laughter offers her troops in Foil to Fiona.  Fiona suggests
they'd be more useful defending Foil.  Laughter is appalled that Foil may
be in danger, and Trumps Caitt.  There's no answer.  She Trumps Foster,
but he doesn't answer, either.  She Trumps to her manor in Foil and finds
it completely deserted.  She uses her talking bones to contact Senlin.  He
thought she was dead, killed when the manor burned to the ground. 
Laughter realizes that there is a large glamour in place around the manor,
and manages to dispel it with a massive effort.  Senlin looks embarrassed. 
Laughter brings him back to Amber.

	Ahab gets an update from one of Benedict's guards, who mentions
that the Jewel would be nice, if they had it.  Ahab goes back to his
quarters to brainstorm with Kimdyl.  Kimdyl mentions that Ariana seems to
be sensitive to the Jewel, and suggests trolling her through Shadow with
the Logrus until she finds it.  Ahab decides to wait a few days, to give
Riftvan and Martin time to finish their job.  Kimdyl asks for some weapons
to use in incapacitating "Ahab."  Ahab arranges for these to be brought to
her.

	Laughter wakes Ariana up and tells her what happened.  Senlin
mentions that they buried the charred bodies of Caitt and Beauty a day
ago.  The attackers were Faeries, and they've retreated back to their
Shadow.  Ariana theorizes that the civil war in Chaos may be reflecting in
Faerie, and is worried about her children.  She offers to help Laughter,
and leaves a note for Kira explaining where she's gone.  They try to find
Driscoll, but he's not in the castle.  Laughter Trumps Foster, who's on a
Chaos ship.  He pockets a garrote as he comes through.  Apparently, he was
spreading a little assassination as he went, and he thinks he's tipped the
battle in Caine's favor.  Laughter explains what happened, and they all
return to Foil to exhume the bodies of Caitt and Beauty.

	Bart's posse arrives in Chaos, near Daraways.  Bart samples the
magic of the area, then casts a spell on the bifocals.  The spell sends
out magical waves, to show him things that affect magic, including
Pattern, Logrus, and, of course, sorcery.  He can get either a wide or
fine view, depending on which lens he looks through.  He notices that a
few of the spells on Daraways differ from the ones Mandor warned him
about, but he doesn't share this information.  He is escorted to the two
guards at the front door.  Shard is quite convincing as a Hendrake.  Bart
begins to insult the Hendrakes.  Driscoll and Usires elbow him, and Shard
gives him a stage backhand.  Bart proceeds to insult their name, pointing
out that "hen" and "drake" just doesn't go together well at all.  Shard
tosses Bart at the guards.  One freezes, while Shard throat-punches the
other guy, and then beheads him.  Florian takes the one he froze, and
shapeshifts him into a gargoyle.  He separates the head and body of the
one Shard killed, and shapeshifts them to gargoyles as well.  Bart
questions the live one, and learns that you say "Open sesame" to open the
doors.  He does this thing, then realizes that he's standing right in
front of the opening doors.  He casts a Xeno, which stops the quarrel
fired by the mechanical device on the other side of the door from hitting
him.  The tip is coated with some sort of poison, so Bart hangs on to it.
He makes sure that the Hendrake knows he was bested by a Jesby before he
dies.  They determine that there are two people present with Pattern, one
on the second floor, and the other one level below them.  They opt to find
the one on the second floor, first.  Driscoll takes the lead as they enter
Daraways.

	Ahab finds Bleys and Fiona, and tells them of his plan to use
Logrus to locate and disable whoever has the Jewel.  Fiona says she could
sense the Jewel if it was near.  Ahab mentions Kimdyl's plan to troll
someone looking for it.  Fiona volunteers Ariana for the job.  But first,
they need a Logrus user.  Fiona suggests using Theresa.  She's currently
fighting for Gramble, so she might be amenable.  Fiona Trumps her, putting
on her most sincere and honest expression, and Theresa steps through
shortly afterwards.  Ahab inquires as to the status of Riftvan and
Martin's mission.  Fiona says Riftvan figured they shouldn't need more
than 48 hours, a little more than half of which has now passed.  They plan
to enact Ahab's plan in 24 hours.

	Laughter exhumes Beauty's body, which looks like her, but doesn't
have the Trump Laughter gave her.  Ariana asks if there's a glamour on the
body.  There is, and when Laughter dispels it, the body disappears. 
Beauty's sword, Source, is chagrined at being fooled.  Laughter decides to
unearth Song, and asks Foster if he needs a sword.  Never mind that it
used to belong to her dead brother/lover.  Foster says he'll carry it,
figuring he hasn't had enough bad luck lately.  They find the gate that
the invaders used to enter Foil, which is in a circle of standing stones
that are covered in blood.  The child used in the sacrifice bears a
disturbing resemblance to Jalana.  Laughter manages to close the gate,
with the assistance of Foster and some acorns she plants.  Then Foster
knocks the stones down.  He's impressed that Song can slice through stone. 
Sequence tries but can't do it, due to the anvil bits still stuck to it. 
Foster begins using Song to remove them, then Ariana takes over, since she
can manage a finer cut.  Curetana laughs at Sequence, who responds with an
insult.  Curetana responds in turn by flying at Ariana, who blocks it with
Alastor.  Senlin retrieves his wayward sword, who continues tormenting
Sequence.  Ariana notices that Song feels odd.  The feeling grows when she
pays attention to it, so she stops.  Laughter feels the spell that put
Song to sleep being tested at the same time.  Ariana finishes with
Sequence after half an hour, and hands Song back to Foster, warning him to
be careful with it.

	Bart's posse proceeds for a while, then Florian indicates that
they should halt.  He becomes transparent, and moves down the hall.  When
he returns, he indicates that their Pattern friend is around the bend,
behind a door being guarded by two men.  Usires kills a butler who
stumbles across them, and tries to mold the body into dust with his ax,
but can't.  Bart casts a Xeno on Shard and Usires and they kill the guards
without difficulty.

	Laughter rounds up volunteers, and shifts them, Foster, and Ariana
through to Dexter.  After disguising all of them as Faeries with a
glamour, Laughter and Foster scout the area where the gate opened in
Dexter.  There's someone there, so they sneak closer.  Foster hisses for
them to freeze when the Faerie looks their way.  She appears to be about
14, by human standards.  Of course, there's a force of about 20 invisible
Faeries waiting as well.  As Laughter begins to retreat, something catches
the invisible Faeries' attention, off to the right.  She realizes that
Foster is gone, and he can't see the invisible ones.  She finally spots
him and watches as one of the invisible Faeries shoots him with a
crossbow.  He yelps and shifts to his Chaos form.  Laughter Trumps him,
but he's too busy to answer, so she moves forward.  This gains the
attention of the girl.  Laughter tries to tree her, but the amulet
deflects the spell.  She and the girl begin a sorcerous battle, while
the other Faeries make a pin cushion out of Foster.  The commotion is
noticed by the others, so Ariana sneaks forward to see what's happening. 
When she sees that Foster and Laughter are under attack, she summons in
the others and shoots the girl.  Some of the Faeries become visible and
rush to the girl's aid.  Laughter trees two, then runs out of trees.  The
rest are either sent into stone or killed by the others.  One is left
alive and questioned by Laughter.  He reveals that the girl was their
princess, and they were investigating the gate, but they were not the ones
who created it.  Ariana detects the faint presence of Logrus, heading away
from the gate, but doesn't detect any Pattern.

	Theresa is informed of Ahab's plan.  She and Kimdyl eye each other
warily.  Ahab hears tapping from Nicholas' room, and finds him carving a
thrusting weapon.  The boy claims it's just something to do.  Kimdyl
doesn't even know he has carving tools.  And she won't find out, either. 
Ahab studiously avoids looking Nicholas in the eye, and notes that
Nicholas is staring at his face more than normal.  He asks if there's
anything Nicholas wants to talk about, rather than taking it out on the
wood.  Nicholas decides it's time for bed.  Ahab leaves Nicholas' room and
finds Kimdyl busily stowing weapons on her person.

	Usires sees someone's head peek out from around a corner, and
investigates.  It's "Ahab," who compels Usires never to attack him, not to
warn his friends, and to follow him.  Usires does so.  Then Ahab commands
him to remain standing there, and goes through a Trump, disappearing just
as Florian rises up out of the floor and grabs thin air.  Florian thinks
what "Ahab" did was devilishly clever.  Usires hits him.  Florian goes
back to tell the others.  Bart figures out how to disarm the spells on the
door, and learns what happened to Usires.  They figure "Ahab" will warn
Dara, so Bart asks Florian to summon his brothers, while Driscoll opens
the door.  Merlin is glad to see them.  They paste a note on Usires saying
"Please debug me" and teleport him to the main hall in Amber.  This is so
contrary to Usires' programming that he passes out.

	Alex finds Usires and sends someone to get Fiona or Bleys.  Mebd
applies lipstick, eye shadow, etc., to the unconscious Viking, then gets
food with Alex.

	Ahab works out and finds he's at about 1/4 of his normal ability
in his current body.

	Laughter Trumps Fiona and pulls her through.  She is filled in on
the situation, and conjures Laughter something to use in tracing the
Logrus.  Ariana figures it may be a trap, and asks if Dara could be behind
it.  Fiona thinks Laughter is too small a fish to concern her.  Ariana
asks how badly Laughter pissed off "Ahab."  Well, she turned him into a
woman...  Laughter wants to see the dead girl's father, and asks if Foster
and Ariana will stay with her.  Ariana inquires as to whether they can be
spared in Amber.  Fiona says things are stalemated, for now, and she'll
Trump Ariana if that changes.  If she can.  Ariana figures that if she
can't, they've fallen into that trap.  She asks about the Kalevala
expedition, and learns they're aren't back yet, but the sun hasn't risen
yet in Amber, and they have until evening.


Quotables:

"Laughter is taking this opportunity to get some fencing in, since it's
better than vomiting."  -- Merrie to GM

"I'm not mad.  I'm just annoyed beyond all possible reparation." --
Laughter to Foster

"Let's go kill her." -- Sequence
"I like Ariana!" -- Laughter
"Oh.  That's right.  Sorry about that." -- Sequence

"I have something to ask you.  How does one go about arranging a marriage
to Julian's son?" -- Laughter to Foster

"Do you think that between the both of them, (Foster and Laughter) can
form a complete brain?" -- Sean
"No, but they can cancel each other out." -- Jason

"I only want what my daughter wants.  Or something." -- Laughter
"You want Shard?" -- Sean

"I didn't brainrape (Foster).  If I'd brainraped him, I would have gotten
something useful out of him." -- Ariana to the group at large

"I make arrangements to see Mandor" -- Bart
"And what arrangements are these?" -- GM
"You fill out your last will and testament?" -- Kris

"I figure inflicting pain on myself will speed along my assimilation into
this body." -- Ahab to GM

"Well, I would go looking for Mebd, but it smells of Jesby." -- Alex to GM

"Trustworthy is Ariana, maybe, now that Vetch is on vacation." -- Ahab to
Kimdyl

"I'll just explain to your father that you're going to certain death, and
he'll let you go." -- Bart to Shard

"The best way to distract a Hendrake is to insult them." -- Bart
"That's also a good way to die." -- Merrie

"Since I'm no good on the battlefield, I may as well catch up on the 50
years or so of heavy thinking that I've avoided." -- Ahab to one of
Benedict's Captains

"This body smells vaguely of cheap cologne." -- GM to Ahab
"Then it must be a Shadow of Ahab." -- Kris