Chapter Sixty-two: "I think it would be wise to go back to the planning phase." Laughter tries shaking Fiona awake, with no success. Kissing her does nothing, either. Laughter Trumps Caitt, since she knows something about these sorts of spells. Caitt says she always heard that you need the kiss of a prince to break the spell. Sequence goes outside to chop down the thorn bushes, but they keep growing back. This only encourages Sequence to keep at it, which raises quite a racket. Laughter Trumps Bleys and asks which Prince Fiona trusts the most. Naturally, Bleys claims it's him. Laughter suggests he come through. After some hemming and hawing he does so. He examines Fiona and observes that she looks almost sane like this. Laughter warns that Fiona might still be able to hear him. Bleys figures she's in no position to do anything about it and raps her on the forehead. Laughter tells him to kiss Fiona. Bleys suggests she find a ranger to do that. Laughter eventually figures out that he means Julian and thinks that's sick. Bleys figures that's what makes it so delightful. Laughter continues trying to persuade him to kiss Fiona, but he refuses to do so. Laughter is most disappointed in him. Bleys goes downstairs and begins rummaging around the house. Laughter Trumps Felix and asks if he'd help Fiona, if she needed it. Felix replies that Fiona is family. Laughter finds this less than reassuring. Felix admits he'd help Fiona, so Laughter pulls him through. She Trumps Bleys and asks whose handiwork the spell is. Bleys points out that he's in the house, so she didn't need to Trump him. She argues that she didn't want to yell like a heathen, then breaks the contact and yells her question down the stairs. Bleys Trumps her back and says he's working on it. Laughter asks if Felix is familiar with the legend of Sleeping Beauty, and explains that Fiona is under such a spell. Felix is not real keen on kissing Fiona, since she might not react favorably, and besides, he's not sure he's a prince. Laughter says she doesn't want to drag too many people into this and asks him to try. Felix asks Laughter not to tell anyone and kisses Fiona on the forehead. Nothing happens. He braces himself and kisses her on the lips. Still nothing. He suggests Laughter try one of their uncles. Laughter remarks loudly that Bleys refuses to help. Felix asks what Bleys suggested. Laughter explains. Felix says she should try it. Laughter doesn't want to leave Fiona with Julian. Bleys suggests leaving Fiona alone until Julian stumbles across her. Laughter feels this will take too long. Bleys insists they can't just ask Julian. Laughter suggests sending Julian a note saying Fiona needs his help. Bleys says she needs to learn subtlety. He admits that he's looked at the spell, but won't reveal what he's learned. He leaves. Laughter asks Felix how his father would feel about trying to break the spell. Felix is aghast and says that Gerard is married. Laughter tells him to go home. Ahab looks up Benedict and asks who would have information on high tech. weapons, tac. nukes and the like. He explains that he had reason recently to realize how little he knows in that area. Benedict looks at his singed hair and tells him to avoid high-tech. Further prodding gets Benedict to reveal that Random's boys have the most acknowledged knowledge in this area. Ahab finds this not at all encouraging. He makes an appointment to see Random. Bart wakes up and sneaks out on Lyss, then decides clothes might be in order. He goes back in the room and gets dressed. Lyss is still sleeping, so he leaves Ariel (the shell he stores his spells in) behind to tell Lyss that he's going to see Barnabas. Hey, he's just going to the surface, what could possibly happen? Unfortunately, Barnabas is not at the hotel. Bart questions the landlord, who says Barnabas just left and points the way. Bart spots Barnabas heading into the bookstore and follows him. He asks what Barnabas is planning to do in Amber. Barnabas claims he's on vacation. Bart asks why he'd want to vacation in Amber. Barnabas asks why not? Bart doesn't think Amber is the sort of place a Chaosite would want to stay. He asks, as Barnabas' son and heir, that Barnabas share his motivations. Barnabas says that House Hendrake is trying to kill him, and he expects Bart to be his protector. Bart finds this not at all to his liking. He spends the rest of the morning following Barnabas around while he shops. Gerard and Isabeux start setting up a nursery. In the process, they bring out all of Felix's old clothes, including some old sailor suits. Foster is much amused. He observes Isabeux's increasing size and says he's glad he's not female. Felix warns him to be careful he doesn't cause that. Foster says he's not planning on sleeping with his grandmother. Felix does not appreciate the direction of Foster's sense of humor, and tells him to change it. Foster is amused. Felix warns him not to roller-blade down the stairs once the baby is born. Foster goes down the railing instead. Usires has lunch with Perry, who's buffing the unicorn's ass. Don't ask. Ariana spends the morning watching Riftvan, who wakes up around noon, asks for water, and goes back to sleep. She and Kira avoid each other. Ariana Trumps Felix to see if he's back in Amber. He tells her of Foster's two months in Shadow. She tells him about Laughter's admirer and asks if it could be Foster. Felix says they only returned the other day, so it's unlikely. He asks if he should mention this to Foster. Ariana doesn't think it would be a good idea, since he'll deny it if it's true, and it might give him some ideas if it's not. Alex returns from his spell research and goes looking for what's changed in the day or two that he's been gone from Amber. Not much, as it turns out. Mebd continues feeding him things like yohimbine tea and oysters. Laughter orders Sequence to give up on the thorns and rejoin her. Sequence doesn't want to admit defeat but obeys. Laughter notices that Sequence's chopping at the thorns has stimulated their growth immensely. She asks Sequence for advice (mind you, this is the sword that has trouble with words of more than one syllable). It suggests cutting their way out. Laughter figures they'll go to Ariana's and spar. She orders Sequence not to mention the thorns. Or Fiona. Sequence wants to leave Fiona the way she is. She didn't raise Laughter, after all. Laughter doesn't find this argument very compelling. They go to Ariana's house. Ariana asks if Laughter's found Fiona. Laughter says that she's sleeping now and claims that Fiona wouldn't say where she's been. Sequence is obviously upset about something but will only say that it's been fighting bad guys. Mirelle makes an appearance and looks on disapprovingly as they spar. Ariana asks what Mirelle would prefer to be doing. She says she'd rather be engaging in fisticuffs. Ariana suggests she spar with Felix in that case. Mirelle doesn't think he'd be willing to do that, given how their last encounter went. Ariana laughs and admits that Mirelle has a point. Laughter asks why Ariana is laughing. Ariana won't explain, since she doesn't think Felix would like the story spread around. Mirelle says she beat Felix, and Brand as well. Squashed him flat. Laughter perks up at the mention of Brand. Ahab rides off into Shadow until gunpowder works and attempts to analyze the Shadow with a Pattern lens. Then he rides back towards Amber until gunpowder doesn't work and analyzes that Shadow, trying to determine what's different. Unfortunately, his lens is not that fine tuned. He does find that Shadow seems to be rather well traversed right now. Over lunch, Barnabas tells Bart that the Hendrakes are after him because he overheard something very important. Naturally he won't share what this was. Bart is horrified to learn that in Chaos people kill each other for fun. Barnabas says that normally the Hendrakes are avoidable, but not when they're after you en masse. Bart thinks Random should be told that the entire house is after Barnabas. Barnabas disagrees. Bart asks if Barnabas intends to rule his House en absentia and suggests that the Hendrakes will just kill all of the Jesbys if they can't get to him. Barnabas disagrees again, claiming it wouldn't be worth the bother. Bart is most upset that Barnabas won't tell him what's going on. Barnabas says it would get Bart killed. Bart complains about having to look after Bartleby just so he doesn't do anything to get Barnabas kicked out. Barnabas says Bartleby is despicable and suggests that Bart convince him to leave. Bart asks if leaving won't put Bartleby in danger of getting captured by the Hendrakes again. Barnabas figures that if Bartleby gets caught, it'll be his own damn fault, since he'll know they're coming this time. He reveals that Bartleby is not a Jesby by birth. At one point, the House had no male heir, so they grabbed the dumbest man they could find and had him marry the daughter of the Head of House. Barnabas says that he should look to his realm and tells Bart to pass that along to Random. Bart doesn't understand any of this. Barnabas observes that he's not playing the game. Bart refuses to do so and demands he just be told what Barnabas wants. Barnabas says this would get him killed. He doesn't want to be known as a traitor to Chaos, after all. Bart says to leave him out of it then. He has a nice life and he likes it stable. Barnabas says nothing will be stable for very long and that they'll continue this tomorrow. Bart wants out of the game. Barnabas tells him that when you leave the game, you leave life. Bart returns to Rebma. Lyss wants Bart to help her look for Ariadne. Bart points out that they tried this before. She wants to bring Usires along this time. Bart says there are vermin like rats in Shadow called Hendrakes, and they want to kill him. Lyss thinks they'll be fine. Her mother is from that house, so they wouldn't dare hurt her. Sure. Bart gives up in defeat and spends the week hanging spells. Ariana decides to settle things with Kira the next day. Kira hands Ariana a letter. She says that she's going to die someday, and she wants to do more than this. Ariana says she understands and asks what Kira is going to do. Kira figures she'll go back to selling pottery. Ariana asks if she has anyplace to stay. She doesn't, so Ariana invites her to stay with her until she does. Ariana adds that she'll be hard to replace. Kira observes that Mirelle seems willing. Besides, she'll come back sometimes. She won't leave Ariana to deal with the children alone, since some men are rather useless. Kira glances up towards Riftvan's room at this. Ariana says men do have one or two useful abilities, but Kira points out Riftvan hasn't been much good for that lately. Ariana admits this is true. Kira figures this must be frustrating and asks why she doesn't fix that. She's not married, after all. Ariana says it would feel odd to sleep with someone else. Kira mentions that she's thinking of going to Rebma to look up Bart. Ariana gleefully encourages this. The rest of the week is uneventful, with Riftvan recovering to the point that he can sit up, although he's still very weak. Laughter casts a spell to try and get rid of the thorns and finds that the spell present is very similar to hers. She tries to change the nature of that spell, but the original magic wins. Julian sees a large flash of light from the vicinity of Fiona's house and decides to stay far away. Laughter casts a talking bones spell to show her what happened in the room where she found Fiona. She sees Brand walk in and lay Fiona down. He arranges her carefully on the bed, so that the light falls on her, and spreads of few rose petals. Then he turns, looks directly at Laughter, waves, and disappears. Driscoll returns to Amber with Clytemnestra. The dragon causes a mild stir, to say the least. Ahab checks out Shadow for advanced weaponry and arranges with Cosgrove as to when to visit them without Kimdyl noticing. Alex spends the week racking spells. Mebd keeps asking him if he's solved their problem. He insists he's working on it. Felix wants to present Foster to court. Foster wants nothing to do with this and skates away down the stairs. Felix pursues him, but Foster makes it outside, where his skates turn into skies. Felix pelts him in the back of the head with a snowball, knocking Foster over. Foster insists that he's not coming back until Felix gets this idea out of his head and skis away. Isabeux is horrified that Felix threw a snowball at Foster. Felix argues that he's the injured party here. Mirelle shows up and tells Felix that she's come to bury the hatchet. Felix yells "Mother." Mirelle says she's not his mother, then realizes that he wasn't referring to her. She and Felix argue briefly about what she meant by "bury the hatchet." Mirelle apologizes for plucking his backside bare several years ago. Felix asks how this came up. Mirelle says Ariana mentioned it to Laughter. Felix is not happy. Mirelle asks if she's invited in for cakes, now that they've made up. Isabeux says she is, and gives Felix a look that says he's staying too. Felix is even more unhappy about this. Seeking to share the misery, he mentions that Foster should be there and offers Foster's Trump to Mirelle. She tries it and says he doesn't seem to want to answer. Felix joins in and Foster quickly responds. Felix tells him that Mirelle is over for cakes and Foster has no choice but to join them. They spend a torturous hour listening to Mirelle chatter on. After she leaves, Felix suggests that court would have been better. Foster claims this was more interesting and still refuses to go to court. He says he's not a part of that life any more and points out that Felix is the one who brought him to Shadow. Felix grabs Foster's shirt but Foster sheds it and heads out the front door again. Ahab meets with Random and says he has some questions about state policy. He explains that he was talking to Deirdre and he got the impression that Random was implementing reforms to keep the infighting down. Random figures that mutual fear always works. Ahab observes that he's not changing things, then. Random thinks that, with a few exceptions here and there, most of the family is not as hell-bent for vengeance anymore. Corwin and Brand have their Patterns, after all. Ahab wonders if all Brand wants is a Pattern. He also mentions that Deirdre said Amber was originally meant to be different from Chaos. Random agrees that this was so. Ahab asks if things have really changed that much. Random observes that he's still on the throne. Ahab doesn't find this convincing and says there's still a lot of personal grudges going around. Random feels they aren't as intense and says you can't expect the family to play nice together. Ahab wants to know if they'll be a policy for adjudicating these disputes. Random asks for an example. Ahab brings up Sand and says he's peeved that he was told to go for it and then stopped. Random admits that he wasn't expecting them to get that far, based on Ahab's past performance. Ahab says it would help to know what the rules are going into these things. Random offers to define things better next time. Ahab wants a more general rule, so you don't have to run to the King each time. Random says the standing house rule is to try not to off any of the relatives. Compared to the Courts, they are one house against legion, so they can't afford to lose anyone. He wonders if the recent baby boom has anything to do with that. Ahab figures he'll have to be content with nebulous answers, since his concerns were so nebulous. Random admits that he's had less nebulous conversations. Ahab mentions that Lyss is pregnant, which surprises Random. Ahab also says he's all for keeping things a little saner around here. Random thinks that's understandable, since Ahab has a young son. Ahab jokes that Nicholas is one of the risks. Laughter asks Caitt to take care of Beauty while she deals with family problems. She spends her days in town and her nights at Fiona's. One night she spots movement outside, so she turns invisible and investigates. It's Clytemnestra, who easily detects Laugher's scent, so Laughter dispels the invisibility. Clytemnestra notes that Laughter's having problems. Laughter agrees with this and admits that she doesn't know how to get rid of the thorns. Nestra suggests burning them. Laughter points out that she might burn the house as well. Nestra advances towards Laughter. Sequence asks her not to burn Laughter. Nestra says she sees no need to at this time. Laughter asks what brought her out here. Nestra claims it was curiosity about Laughter. Laughter finds this oh so reassuring. They look each other over. Nestra observes that there seems to be nothing special about Laughter. Sequence disagrees with her. Laughter claims there's nothing special about her other than Sequence. Nestra decides to remove Sequence and see what's left. She does this by stepping on Sequence. Sequence is most upset about this but is pinned down and can't move. Laughter starts listing her skills. Nestra asks why Driscoll likes her. Fuck if Laughter knows. Nestra says Driscoll has a brave and true heart, and the dragons follow him by choice. Laughter asks how one knows this. It seems dragons just do. Laughter doesn't think Driscoll's all that interested in her. Nestra just smiles knowingly. Laughter suggests that Driscoll likes her because she looks like Libby. Nestra says she can smell something between them. Laughter says that's probably due to the fact that each of them were in love with a Shadow of each other. Laughter's not sure it would be wise for her to choose Driscoll, due to family obligations. Nestra mentions that she could kill Laughter. Laughter tells her to go ahead, then says that was bravado and she'd rather live. Nestra thinks Driscoll likes Laughter because she can laugh at herself, something he could never do. She hands Sequence back and leaves before the sword can attack. Laughter orders it not to pursue her. Sequence pouts. Bart goes looking for Usires. Eventually he's directed to the edge of the woods, where rumor has it there's a dragon. Usires passes by Clytemnestra as quickly as possible. Bart arranges an intercept course with Usires that avoids the dragon entirely. He attempts to persuade Usires to come along with him and Lyss. Foster gathers a bunch of guys his age together and forms a lacrosse league. Felix gets fed up with dealing with Foster and goes into Shadow for a while. He finds a Revolutionary War-type Shadow and works in an infirmary there. Eventually Foster finds him and asks if he's all right. Felix says he just wanted someplace he could help and admits he's feeling frustrated. Foster asks if this is about court. Felix claims it isn't. Foster thinks Felix is pouting, since he left without telling anyone. He says that if court's that important, he'll do it. Felix repeats that that's not it. Foster says he'll check up on him again if he's gone too long. Laughter finds Driscoll. Sequence mentions that Clytemnestra sat on it. Driscoll is surprised, since he told Nestra not to bother Laughter. He tells Sequence that women often fight when they both want something. Sequence observes that Driscoll is cool, but not as cool as Mirelle. Driscoll is confused by this. During one of Ariana's lessons with Laughter, she attempts to draws Mirelle into the sparring. She even offers to fight hand-to- hand. Mirelle doesn't want to, since she thinks Ariana won't let her cheat. Ariana asks if Mirelle will show her how she cheats. Mirelle is willing, but unfortunately this usually involves dropping a large weight on someone and Mirelle doesn't know how to make the weight disappear. Ariana decides to pass on this, not wanting to decorate her house in this manner. Mirelle conjures some rather strong bloody Marys instead. Sequence is disappointed that they don't have any real blood in them. Mirelle offers to get him some, but Ariana tells her not to. Mirelle mentions that she apologized to Felix, and that he yelled for his mother. Ariana finds this rather amusing. Laughter still doesn't understand the joke. Mirelle says she also talked Foster and thinks he's strange, since he frowns a lot. Ariana explains that Foster was raised in Chaos. Mirelle reveals that she met many Chaosites after Patternfall. Ariana asks who they were. Mirelle claims she can't remember and asks why she wants to know. Ariana says she's just curious. Mirelle says she has a temper (no kidding). Laughter says she doesn't want to kill while she's mad. Ariana and Mirelle don't see the problem. Mirelle feels it's important to kill creatively. Laughter asks what you do if they're more powerful than you are. Mirelle says that hasn't stopped her, except when she tried to kill Brand, since he's a living Trump and can't cut be cut. Ariana observes that his bones broke nicely enough. Laughter asks about Brand. Ariana asks what he's done to her. Laughter says he's done something to someone she cares about, but won't say any more in front of Mirelle. Alex talks to Lucretia about his difficulties with Mebd. Lucretia asks who Mebd's parents were. Alex explains. Lucretia tells him that the child of a demon and a Shadow human is sterile. Naturally, she leaves it to Alex to break the news to Mebd. Laughter tells Ariana privately about the situation with Fiona. Ariana questions her about what's happened so far. She agrees that Bleys' suggestion regarding Julian is rather icky, but if it works... Laughter says she hasn't tried contacting Fiona psychically because she's afraid she'll be drawn into the spell. Ariana asks if her analysis of the spell gave her any information that would help resolve this. Laughter admits she hasn't analyzed the spell yet. She was relying on Bleys to take care of that. Of course, she hasn't heard from Bleys in a week... Ariana suggests it might be a good idea for Laughter to look into the spell herself. Laughter sees the logic in this. Ariana suggests she have someone else present when she examines the spell. Laughter asks who. Ariana suggests a sorcerer. Laughter asks which family members are sorcerers. Ariana runs through those she knows: Bleys, Brand, Bart, maybe Mirelle, Benedict, Kimdyl, Foster, Alex. Laughter says she would feel most comfortable with Benedict and leaves to find him. Trinity tells Ahab of some stories the sailors have been telling. One says a whole ship was lost on one of the well traveled routes. Felix returns from Shadow to find that his rooms have been kept clean by Foster. He catches up on what's happened while he was gone and picks up on the same rumor that Ahab did. Laughter finds Benedict and explains what happened to Fiona. She asks him to help watch her while she casts the spell. Benedict figures Fiona was looking into what Brand was doing and Brand was simply responding to that, so there probably won't be any residual effects. He asks how long ago she told Bleys about this. She admits it's been a week. Benedict tells her to look for a body, then. Then he suggests she find Bleys, since he'd help the most. She tries to Trump Bleys but can't get through. She tells Benedict this, who says he'll look into the matter. She goes to find Foster to see if he'll back her up. Felix Trumps Caine and asks about the rumor he heard. Caine says someone has tweaked the Shadow paths and it would be useful if he had someone like Bleys to check it out. Felix offers to look, but this isn't very useful since he can't observe Shadow paths. Caine suggests having Ahab check it out. They discuss Usires' problems adjusting to Amber. Caine tells Felix that Bart and Usires have found a magic-negating pool. Felix doesn't think that's very nice. Caine figures it's aimed at Ariana. Bart asks to see Ahab. Ahab finds this interesting and comes down in full battle gear. Bart asks to speak privately. He asks if Ahab would like to do something to annoy the Hendrakes and to help Lyss. He has this mission in mind, you see. He believes Ariadne's being held by the Hendrakes. Ahab points out that she is a Hendrake. Bart says that she was... Ahab asks if this is due to her marriage to almost him. Bart thinks it might be and tells of their last attempt to find her. Since they wound up near Dara's home, he thinks this means Dara's holding Ariadne. Ahab mentions that an expedition into the heart of Hendrake to free a prisoner, while entertaining, is not the best plan. The Hendrakes do outnumber them. Bart figures the Hendrakes are out looking for others, so there won't be many around. Ahab asks how many Bart has going with him. Bart admits he only has three so far. Ahab figures the Hendrakes have at least six, and Dara is no one to mess with. Bart says he might have a Logrus master to help and explains about Bartleby. Ahab thinks Bart's explanation about his heritage makes much clear. He suggests Bart plan some more. Bart takes this suggestion badly, since Ahab is notorious for his lack of planning. Ahab says he's changed and points out that Bart was the one complaining about the planning during the expedition to kill Sand. Benedict Trumps Caine and tells him it's definitely Brand on the loose and that Fiona and Bleys are out. Ariana Trumps Random and says she's learned what happened to Fiona. She brings him through and explains. Random is not pleased that Brand's up to his old tricks. He notes the squalling children and comments that Ariana had a litter. She figures she'd rather deal with them than Brand. Random thanks her sarcastically for telling him about Brand. She points out that he's always complaining that he's not informed and asks if he'd prefer she not do so in the future. He jokes that if she didn't, he'd have to banish her. She figures that might be safer. He adds that he'd make her take her kids with her. She still believes that her problems are better than his. He jokingly threatens to abdicate to her. She looks horrified and tells him she'd refuse. He Trumps back to town. Laughter tracks Foster down and asks for his help. He agrees to assist her. She tries to analyze the spell and learns nothing. For some reason, she decides to make psychic contact with Fiona, despite the fact that she still doesn't know if this will cause the spell to affect her. As expected, she slumps over. Foster looks at Sequence and recalls that Laughter mentioned kissing as a way to break the spell. Sequence tells him to go for it, so Foster kisses her and she wakes up. She asks what happened and is filled in by a somewhat embarrassed Foster. Laughter asks if he was feeling affection or lust for her. He claims it was mostly affection, with just a little bit of lust. Laughter decides to find Julian. Foster says Julian responds to honor, so they need to explain the situation to him along those lines. He thinks explaining that Brand was involved might help. He also worries that he should be talking to Rinaldo more, since Rinaldo is Brand's son. Quotables: "I'm only going to contact one more person. Then we're going to have to go to plan B, which I don't have yet." -- Laughter "(Fiona) might say, 'Ooh, morning breath!' and fry my brain or something." -- Felix "Well, if you'd like to brush your teeth, by all means..." -- Laughter "Bit early for you, isn't it?" -- Barnabas "I wasn't aware that I had a season." - Bart "Hello, Felix, I've come to bury the hatchet." -- Mirelle "Mother!" -- Felix "Separate me from Sequence and what have you got? An Amberite who doesn't cook." -- Laughter to Clytemnestra "Go ahead, kill me, all the problems of my life would be, like, over. OK, don't kill me, I'm mostly saying that on bravado." -- Laughter to Clytemnestra "I see why (Driscoll) likes you now." -- Clytemnestra "Because my mind is easy to control?" -- Laughter "What would you be doing with yon dragon?" -- GM "Just passing by." -- Usires "I saw Brand lay (Fiona) down, arrange her, and spread rose petals around. This is why I think he did it." -- Laughter to Benedict "I think it would be wise to go back to the planning phase." -- Ahab to Bart