Chapter Sixty-one: "Can I ride on your tail?"

	Ironclaw offers to take Ahab, Kimdyl and Laughter to Driscoll.  
Laughter asks if she can ride on his tail.  He just looks at her and 
continues heading towards the city.  Kimdyl comments to Ahab that 
if worse comes to worse, they can feed Laughter to the dragon and 
run.  Ahab seems unconcerned.  When they reach the city limits, 
Ironclaw indicates a penthouse and says Driscoll can be found there.  
Kimdyl heads quickly in that direction.  Laughter pauses and asks if 
she can get Ironclaw anything in town.  He gives her another odd 
look and asks for a cashmere sweater.  Ahab asks if Ironclaw has this 
sort of trouble with female dragons.  Ironclaw says they're worse.  
Ahab offers his sympathies and heads off after Kimdyl.  Laughter 
lingers for a moment and thanks Ironclaw before hurrying to catch 
up with the others.  Sequence spots some men leering at Laughter 
and offers to kill them.  Kimdyl stops, puts her hands on her hips, 
calls up the Logrus, and gives the men three seconds to run.  They 
look unimpressed and begin suggesting other things that could be 
done in three seconds.  Kimdyl flattens them with the Logrus and 
starts pounding on them.  This is all going nicely until she is hit by a 
flash of light, screams, and falls down.  Ahab peers around the corner 
where the light came from, and gets his hair singed.  He realizes 
they're being fired on by a laser pistol.  The men that Kimdyl 
attacked start to get up and one of them draws another laser pistol.  
Ahab shoots him in the head with a crossbow bolt.  The next guy to 
go for the gun gets his hand nailed in the ground.  Sequence takes 
out the original gunman and starts slicing up the rest.  They run 
away.  Kimdyl has a nice hole in her chest and is mumbling "Son of a 
bitch."  Laughter realizes that the shot punctured Kimdyl's lung.  
Ahab brings Pattern to mind and looks in the Penthouse.  He spots 
Driscoll there, with a long beard, sunglasses, and a bandage on his 
forearm.  Ahab teleports everyone to the penthouse.  When they 
appear, Driscoll has a laser aimed at Ahab's head but he does not 
shoot (not that shooting Ahab in the head would have any affect).  
Ahab asks him to arrange an ambulance.  Driscoll jacks in and does 
so.  Kimdyl tells Ahab that this is all his fault.

	Fiona does not show up for Vetch's treatment that evening.  
Ariana tries to contact her but can't get through.  She Trumps Ahab.  
Ahab feels the incoming call and asks Driscoll for the name of the 
Shadow they're in.  Driscoll tells him it's called Lazarus.  Ahab takes 
the call.  Ariana notices that he's in armor and asks if he could her 
call back when he's not so busy.  He thinks that would be best, if it's 
not an emergency.  She assures him that it's not and breaks the 
contact.

	From Driscoll and Laughter's perspective, Ahab freezes.  
Driscoll points out that this is why he's wearing his glasses.  It seems 
time is flowing extremely fast in Lazarus, relative to Amber.  They 
leave Ahab and follow Kimdyl's ambulance to the hospital in 
Driscoll's hovercar.  Laughter spots a dragon flying over them, but 
Driscoll isn't concerned.  Laughter asks a vague question to 
determine if Driscoll is her secret admirer but only manages to 
confuse him.  When they reach the hospital, she shows him the 
necklace she received, but he doesn't appear to recognize it.  She 
decides to try the straightforward approach and explains about her 
admirer.  Driscoll doesn't see the problem (does anyone besides 
Laughter?).  She tells him that Eris sent them and asks if being in 
Lazarus has helped him.  He claims it has.  She mentions that she met 
Ironclaw.  He observes that Ironclaw didn't eat her so she must not 
have angered him.  Laughter confirms his assumption rather 
unconvincingly.

	Upon learning that Kimdyl is expected to recover, Laughter and 
Driscoll decide to return to the penthouse and check on Ahab.  As 
they leave the building, their path is blocked by a medium-size black 
dragon.  Her eyes narrow slightly when she sees Driscoll, then more 
when she spots Laughter.  She inhales.  Driscoll turns and shields 
Laughter with his body, right before they are bathed in fire.  When 
the fire stops, Driscoll turns again, hits the dragon on the snout with 
his sheathed sword, and calls her a bad dragon.  He adds that this 
isn't Libby.  The dragon pushes him back and stares at Laughter.  
Sequence observes that Libby must have been a bitch.  The dragon 
nods.  Driscoll introduces Laughter to Clytemnestra and tells the 
dragon to be nice.  It seems she's a little jealous.  Driscoll suggests 
they ride Clytemnestra back to the penthouse.  Neither Laughter nor 
Clytemnestra are enthusiastic about this, but this doesn't stop 
Driscoll.  He mounts Clytemnestra and offers to let Laughter steer.  
Both females resign themselves to the inevitable and the ride back is 
uneventful.  Ahab is still frozen when they return.  Laughter asks if 
Driscoll recalls why he fed Libby to Ironclaw.  He asks if she's sure 
she wants to know.  She claims she does, although she says this 
rather mechanically.  Driscoll tells her that Libby double-crossed him 
and he didn't think things through.  She asks what happened to his 
arm.  He tells her it was part of regaining his memory.  He sits down 
and works at his computer while Laughter dozes off.

	Ahab finishes his Trump call with Ariana and is shocked to find 
twelve hours have passed.  He notices Clytemnestra and thinks she's 
cool.  Driscoll points out that she tried to eat Laughter.  Ahab asks 
how Driscoll is doing and tells him that Eris was worried about him.  
He asks if Driscoll will be returning soon.  Driscoll figures he'll be 
back by the following morning.  No one was even supposed to notice 
he was gone.  Foiled by an eight year-old.  Ahab waves to 
Clytemnestra, who sticks her nose on his chest and inhales.  
Apparently he passes inspection, since she doesn't exhale fire on him.  
Laughter attempts to make nice with Clytemnestra and fails 
miserably.  Clytemnestra comments that stupid females shouldn't be 
suffered to live.  Laughter decides it's time to go home.  Driscoll 
thanks her for checking up on him.  She says she did it for Eris and 
Trumps out.  Clytemnestra observes that Ahab has a long sword.  He 
comments that he disdains subtlety, which causes the dragon to grin.  
He and Driscoll ride her back to the hospital.  On the way, Ahab 
questions Driscoll about Lazarus.  He learns that dragon riding is 
common, although you don't pick a dragon so much as they pick you.  
Driscoll observes that he lost his taste for this Shadow before, but he 
likes it better now.  They discuss Laughter's interesting coping 
methods (or lack thereof).  When they arrive at the hospital, they 
find Kimdyl awake and unhappy.  She tells Ahab that this is all his 
fault.  He briefly tries to argue this point, then wisely gives up.  
Kimdyl asks how he's going to make this up to him and warns that 
he'll have to be creative.  We can skip those details.

	Laughter finds Eris and fills her in.  Eris figures she kind of 
overreacted but thanks Laugher for her help.  Laughter returns to 
Foil and tries to Trump Fiona, but gets no answer.  She spends the 
rest of the night out in the garden staring at Fiona's Trump, with no 
success.

	Fiona still hasn't shown up at Ariana's by the following 
morning.  Ariana Trumps Bleys and asks if he's seen Fiona.  He hasn't 
heard from her in a day or so, and suggests she's off somewhere in a 
snit.  Ariana thinks this is unlikely, since Fiona seemed fine the 
previous morning.  Bleys excuses himself, professing a sudden 
interest in wine sampling.  Ariana Trumps Random next and asks to 
meet with him.  He says his calendar is clear for most of the day.  She 
also asks after Fiona, but Random hasn't seen her since Tuesday.

	Bart goes to the surface to talk to Barnabas, who is now Head of 
House Jesby, thanks to Bartleby's abdication.  Barnabas claims he 
didn't know about Bart, so the similarity in their names is just a 
coincidence.  Bart thinks there have been quite a few coincidences 
lately.  He wants to know why the Hendrakes want the Jesbys dead.  
Barnabas explains that the Hendrakes just don't like the Jesbys, and 
Hendrakes kill what they don't like.  Bartleby was destroying the 
Shadow Bart was in because he's a Shadow master, and the 
Hendrakes probably wanted to be sure he could do that before 
pressing him into service.  Barnabas suggests that Bart not walk in 
Shadow in the near future, since his actions have probably added 
him to the Hendrake shit list.  He asks where Bartleby is, then figures 
he's Bart's responsibility since he brought Bartleby to Amber.  Bart 
asks what's going on.  Barnabas tells him that with Bartleby, 
anything is possible, although he hopes Bartleby will know better 
than to release Primal Chaos in Amber.  Bart takes the hint and goes 
looking for Bartleby.

	Ariana arranges for Mirelle to baby-sit the children and goes 
into town to see Random.  She asks him where they stand with 
regard to each other.  Random looks confused and asks her to clarify.  
She asks if he's still cross with her.  He says these things fade with 
time.  She wants to be sure this has.  She also asks if Fiona told 
Random anything about where she might be going.  As if.  He asks if 
she's contacted Bleys.  She says she has, and relates the conversation.  
They both agree that Bleys is probably investigating.  Random 
suggests they try dealing with each other with mutual respect from 
now on.  Ariana admits she's still having trouble with the concept of 
monarchy.  Random points out that it's a long standing tradition 
around Amber, although it's not one he expected to get.  She asks 
why he didn't turn the job down.  He asks how you turn the Unicorn 
down.  Ariana doesn't see the problem, but admits she has a 
different perspective.  She asks after Driscoll and learns he's been 
gone since Tuesday as well.  She jokes that maybe he's with Fiona, 
which causes Random to shudder.  He is surprised to learn that 
Ariana left the children with Mirelle.  Ariana is hoping it will help 
Mirelle's sanity.  Random admits it might, but advises her not to 
leave the children with Mirelle overnight.

	Usires tracks down Bart and asks about the Hendrakes.  Bart 
takes him to lunch and explains what he learned from Bartleby, 
insisting it was all a coincidence.  Usires is not happy about being on 
the Hendrake's shit list.  Bart tries to change the subject by 
explaining that he's currently looking for his grandfather.  Usires is 
surprised that Bart has lost him already.  He offers to help and they 
head down to the waterfront to begin their search.  There's no sign of 
Bartleby there, or in the merchant district, or any hotels.  Bart 
Trumps Llewella and asks if Bartleby's there.  Llewella asks if Bart's 
lost him and confirms he's not in Rebma.  She suggests he check the 
red-light district in Amber.

	Ariana returns home to find the kitchen trashed and the kids 
covered in frosting.  Apparently Mirelle made cupcakes that were at 
least 60% frosting.  Ariana argues unsuccessfully with Mirelle that so 
much sugar is bad, both for the children and for her.  Now we know 
why Mirelle is always so hyper.  Mirelle is about to leave when she 
remembers that Riftvan was calling for Ariana.  Ariana heads 
upstairs and finds that Riftvan is awake and in quite a bit of pain.  
She takes his hand and blocks the pain psychically.  Riftvan revels in 
this for a moment, and notes that it's impossible to communicate 
with Mirelle when she's not interested in talking to you.  He says that 
something's changed and asks what it is.  Ariana tells him that 
Fiona's disappeared.  He tells her to take him into Shadow and cut 
the tumor out.  He's says he's come this far and doesn't want to go 
through it again.  Ariana asks why they need to go into Shadow.  He 
explains that the wound would burst into flame this close to the 
Pattern.  She's worried that the Hendrakes might find them in 
Shadow, but he figures they'll be finished before that can happen.  
Ariana starts getting her medical equipment together.

	Bart and Usires split up to cover more ground in their search 
for Bartleby.  Usires comes across one girlie hall where the women's 
clothing somehow keeps getting tangled up in the branches of this 
plant, but he doesn't find it worth mentioning when comparing notes 
with Bart.  Bart gives in and decides to use a spell to find Bartleby, 
since he's already wasted more time than it would take to cast the 
damn thing.  He returns to Rebma and talks to Lyss, who has Nicholas 
tethered to her.  He asks if she's told Ahab about the pregnancy.  She 
hasn't.  He asks her to be sure to tell Ahab that he's not the father.  
Lyss forgets about Nicholas as they're walking through a door, until 
she hears him thud against the door frame.  Nicholas is OK, but Lyss 
is horrified that she did this.  Bart tries to reassure her and then 
begins casting his spell.

	Laughter arrives at Ariana's for their exchange of lessons.  
Ariana asks if Laughter knows where Fiona is, but Laughter still 
hasn't been able to reach her.  Ariana asks if Laughter would be 
willing to watch the kids for a while.  She says that she'll be leaving 
as soon as Ahab contacts her.  Laughter figures he'll be back soon.  
Ariana asks where they were, and Laughter explains about their trip 
to Lazarus.  The conversation then turns to Laughter's admirer.  
Ariana argues that it could be something worse, like death threats.  
Laughter says she could handle those.  Ariana asks if she's ever been 
courted before.  Laughter admits she hasn't.  Ariana advises her to 
enjoy it while it lasts.  Laughter thinks the gifts obligate her 
somehow, although Ariana tries to convince her otherwise.  They are 
interrupted by a crash from upstairs.  Ariana investigates and finds 
that Riftvan tried to get out of bed and failed, knocking over an 
endtable in the process.  Ariana helps him back into bed and asks 
what he was thinking of.  He says it has to be soon.  She Trumps 
Ahab and says she needs a favor, and it's rather urgent.  Ahab agrees 
to help her.  He explains things to Kimdyl and Trumps Ariana.  She 
pulls him through, giving Ahab his first look at Riftvan's true form 
(or what's left of it).  Ariana explains that she wants Ahab to take 
her and Riftvan to her home in Shadow so that she can remove a 
tumor.  She gives him a mental image of her place in Maui.  Ahab 
says Riftvan owes him one.  He makes sure to flash the Pattern extra 
bright during the transport for Riftvan's benefit.  The operative word 
here is "owie."

	Laughter Trumps Caitt and asks for her help in watching 
Ariana's children.  Caitt comes through and has them (and the 
kitchen) cleaned up in no time, much to their distress.  She even 
manages to stare Vincent down.  Arn wanders into the kitchen and 
Caitt observes to Laughter that he is a fine strapping lad.  Arn looks 
hopeful but Caitt doesn't pursue this any further.

	Ariana asks Ahab to assist her with the surgery.  Riftvan insists 
on being conscious during the procedure, so Ariana ties him down 
and begins.  Ahab is treated to watching Riftvan scream in agony, 
something he enjoys immensely.  Riftvan communicates psychically 
to Ariana that she should have Ahab cut the tumor out with 
Morglyph.  Ahab is more than happy to do so (I get to stab him too?), 
and the tumor flames nicely on contact.  Ahab watches this in 
amazement for a few seconds, then realizes he should move the 
burning object away from the patient.  Riftvan lapses into 
unconsciousness.  Ariana finishes suturing the wound and asks Ahab 
bring them back, without any tricks this time.  Ahab looks 
disappointed but complies.  Ariana gets Riftvan settled and asks 
Ahab to stay for lunch.  They come downstairs and find Caitt busily 
cooking in the kitchen, surrounded by four surprisingly quiet 
children.  Jalana walks over to Ariana and says "Mama," her first 
word.  Ariana is overjoyed.  Ahab is amused, since Nicholas' first 
word was "mine."  Lunch is excellent and Ariana asks Laughter if 
Caitt would consider moving to Amber.  Caitt looks flattered but says 
she's already raised her brood.  Ahab asks Laughter why Ariana can 
call her Lavender and he can't.  Laughter says she just expects it 
from some people and not from others.

	Laughter goes outside to Ariana's garden and Trumps Mandor.  
She says she's returned from the dragon Shadow.  He asks for the 
sphere back.  When Laughter learns what it does, she wishes she'd 
thrown it at Clytemnestra after all.  Mandor looks like he's definitely 
seeing her resemblance to Fiona with that remark.  Laughter asks if 
he's seen Fiona.  He notes that she was alive when Heather left her.  
Laughter mentions that Ariana was concerned, some appointment 
missed or something.  Mandor observes that Vetch always did have 
amazing luck at staying alive.  Laughter looks confused as she 
realizes that she's missing something.  Mandor admits that he and 
Fiona did not part on the best of terms, but he's willing to look for 
her.  Laughter doesn't feel that's necessary.  She then proceeds to 
regale him with her gum wad analogy.  Mandor asks if she's having 
man trouble.  She asks how he'd go about catching a secret admirer.  
He says he can think of several methods he'd try, but they aren't 
necessarily ones she would use.  He suggests she try using magic.  
Laughter thinks that's too messy, given how unpredictable her 
spellcasting has been in Amber.  Mandor reveals that Heather is 
expecting another child.  Heather is no doubt thrilled at the prospect, 
having enjoyed her last pregnancy so much.

	Bart casts his spell, which locates all those with Chaos blood in 
Amber.  It finds a number of people, including Barnabas, Kimdyl, 
Nicholas, Foster, Riftvan, and Ariana's kids.  Bart figures the person 
in the red-light district is probably Bartleby.  He Trumps Usires and 
has him pull him back to the surface.  Then he goes to the girlie hall 
and buys the plant for a crown.  Once they get outside, the plant 
becomes gelatinous and oozes out of his hands.  It rolls into an alley, 
and Bartleby emerges shortly thereafter.  He complains that he 
wants to be left alone to have his fun and says that Bart is not his 
keeper.  Bart asks him about the Hendrakes and why they were after 
him.  Bartleby says Hendrakes don't need a reason and suggests that 
Bart ask the idiot.  Bart says Bartleby owes him a crown.  Bartleby 
isn't inclined to pay it and goes back to the girlie hall.  Frustrated by 
this wonderfully informative conversation, Bart follows Usires to 
another one.

	Ariana thanks Ahab again for his help.  She also says she needs 
to talk to Lyss.  Ahab says he does too and offers to relay a message.  
Ariana asks him to tell Lyss that if she's hiding in Rebma because of 
her, it's not necessary.  Ahab says Lyss may be hiding from him after 
this conversation.  Ariana asks what's going on.  Ahab says it's a 
family matter and refuses to say any more about it.  Ariana asks how 
Kimdyl's doing and tells him to say hello.

	Ahab Trumps Lyss and comes through.  Nicholas attempts to 
swim to him, but can't quite manage it.  Ahab shows him the motions 
and Nicholas is able to reach him.  Ahab asks Lyss when hers is due.  
She observes that Kimdyl ratted on her.  Ahab asks who the father is.  
Lyss claims she doesn't know, although he's a Rebman.  Ahab asks if 
it's Bart.  She's sure he isn't, but promised not to say why.  Ahab 
threatens to talk to Bart about it.  Lyss says it's not something that 
men discuss.  Ahab is much amused by this.  He passes along 
Ariana's message.  Lyss claims she's no longer hiding, just soaking up 
the culture.  She's mentions that she's not sure she'll make a good 
mother.  Ahab asks her about the bruise on Nicholas' forehead.  Lyss 
looks mortified.  Ahab finds out what happened psychically from 
Nicholas.  Lyss is extremely apologetic, but Ahab doesn't seem too 
concerned.  It's just further evidence that the kid takes after him.

	Caitt asks Laughter if the prophesies apply in Amber.  Laughter 
says they don't, so Caitt wishes Ariana luck with her children.  
Ariana asks Laughter what prophesies Caitt was referring to.  
Laughter explains that in Foil the blood of quarter-breed Faerie 
children can be used to open a gateway.  Ariana says she'd heard 
that it was the blood of half-breed children that did that.  Oh yeah.  
Clearly Laughter is not operating at her best.  Laughter Trumps back 
to Foil with Caitt and Beauty.  Then she uses a glamour to disguise 
herself as a six-foot tall blonde and goes looking for Shard.  She finds 
him in the same bar as before with the acting troupe.  She walks up 
to him and blows in his ear.  He asks if he knows her.  She says she's 
a regular and asks how long he's been around.  He says that it's been 
a month and notes that he's never seen her here before.  Oops.  
Laughter goes to the bathroom and modifies the spell so that her 
features subtly change.  As in every minute or so.  Why doesn't she 
just remove the spell?  It's Laughter logic, don't expect to 
understand.  Shard notices her shifting features and asks if George, 
the bartender, has a dispel handy.  He says it would be polite to ask 
her who she is before stripping her of her guise.  Sequence dares 
them to try it.  Shard recognizes its voice, so Laughter dispels the 
glamour.  Shard and Sequence are both confused as to what Laughter 
is doing (aren't we all?).  Laughter decides the way to deal with the 
stressful day she's had is to spend the evening drinking heavily.  
Sequence asks her when she's going to ask about the stuff.  Shard 
asks what stuff.  Laughter says she doesn't think it's him.  Shard says 
he doesn't know all the details so he won't play the scene.  Sequence 
sneaks under the table and cuts off the soles of Shard's boots.  Shard 
jumps back and lands on his butt, exclaiming that Sequence attacked 
him.  Sequence jumps back in its scabbard and denies this.  Laughter 
argues that there would be blood if Sequence had attacked him.  
Shard figures he and Sequence are even now, since that was a good 
pair of boots.  He remains with Laughter while she gets toasted, then 
brings her home and puts her to bed.  She tells him that there are 
extra rooms down the hall, but he declines to stay.

	Kira staggers in that evening and recalls that she forgot to 
mention she was taking a vacation.  Ariana is less than pleased.  Kira 
says she was mad and admits she handled it badly.  She'd prefer to 
discuss it in the morning.  Ariana puts the kids to bed and stays up 
watching Riftvan, who's still in a deep sleep.

	Ahab brings Nicholas back to Kimdyl.  She notices the bruise on 
Nicholas' forehead and asks where it came from.  Ahab explains.  She 
figures it will heal.

	Bart returns to Rebma and is met by Lyss, who mentions that 
he's late.  Bart says he had a bad night and forgot that he promised 
to return right away.  Lyss is disappointed that he went out and got 
drunk, but is mollified when he promises not to do it again.  His 
volunteering to sleep on the coach didn't hurt either.

	Laughter Trumps Mandor again, since there's still no sign of 
Fiona.  He says that as far as he can determine, Fiona is in Amber.  
Laughter Trumps to Fiona's cottage and finds it surrounded by a wall 
of thorns.  She hacks her way through them with Sequence and goes 
inside.  She finds Fiona upstairs, sleeping on her bed, and is unable to 
wake her.


Quotables:

"Can I ride on your tail?" -- Laughter to Ironclaw (demonstrating her 
lack of coping skills)

"Anything you need while we're in town?" -- Laughter to Ironclaw, 
once again

"You look constipated.  Perhaps some juice?" -- Barnabas to Bart

"So, do any contact with any castle pages by the well back in 
Amber?" -- Laughter to Driscoll

"But we're Amberites, we can have it whenever we want." -- Mirelle 
to Ariana.

"You realize that you're trapped in a cycle of abuse." -- Lyss
"Yeah, but I don't seem to mind." -- Ahab