Chapter Forty-nine: "Debbie Does Arden" Felix explains his dilemma re: Irene to Vialle. She talks to Irene. Then she calls Lords Feldane and Chantris to court. Felix tries to find out what's going on from Irene, but she won't tell him anything. Felix goes back to carving Ahab's gift. After an hour or so, there's a knock on the door. He hides the carving. Vialle asks if she interrupted anything. He claims she didn't and invites her in. Vialle says she's managed to convince Feldane and Chantris that perhaps now isn't the appropriate time for Irene to be married, given her young age. Chantris is willing to wait, for now. She tells Felix that if anyone else is interested in Irene, they should make their intentions known before a decade passes. Felix thanks her. She says that love is a special thing, but advises him to be careful in the future. She also reminds him that he doesn't have much time to finish his carving. Heather arrives in Amber with Mandor and Emer. She tries to dump Emer on Driscoll. He dumps Eris on her instead. Eris and Emer could easily pass for sisters. Emer asks Heather why this is so. Heather explains that Driscoll was married to one of her shadows. Emer asks if Heather wants her to get any information on Driscoll from Eris. Heather doesn't see the need, but tells her to go ahead and practice. Mandor is much amused by this exchange. Alex receives an invitation to Ahab's bachelor party. He tells Mebd about it, making sure to point out that he could have hidden it from her. She asks him not to return drunk or vomiting, and not to tell her if he gets anyone pregnant. Riftvan asks Ariana why Kira's cleaning up the place. Ariana explains that she's hosting Kimdyl's bridal shower. Riftvan is surprised the wedding is coming up so soon. He mentions that he might attend. Ariana doesn't think this is a good idea. He points out that Kimdyl is from his house. She asks if there's any chance she'll be able to talk him out of it. He says no. He conjures some chocolate-covered strawberries for her and asks if she's popped yet. She gives him a nasty look, and tells him he had the easy part. He points out she wasn't complaining at the time. He lays a hand of her stomach and tells her she only has a day or two more to go. She's concerned that will be too early, but he says the twins have developed enough. Ahab visits Fiona and gives her another gift: an ornate hair comb. He says it's to thank her for her help in finding Nicholas. He also asks if she would be able to tell if Vetch showed up at the wedding. She asks what Ahab wants her to do if she spots him. He tells her to let him know discreetly, if it's before the ceremony. Fiona is much amused by the possibilities. She tells him she won't let Kimdyl know what he's up to. He asks what she's referring to. She points out that Julian is running the bachelor party, after all. Ahab implies the bridal shower will be equally wild. Fiona pretends she doesn't know what he's talking about. Ahab spends the rest of the day running. Foster is not happy about the outfit Flora picked out for him. He doesn't like the ruffles and refuses to wear the hat. Felix invites him to take it up with Flora. He marches off to do just that. He returns in defeat. Ariana keeps trying to talk Riftvan out of going to the wedding. She is unsuccessful, and eventually gives up. Riftvan says it wouldn't be right for her to be unescorted. She tells him one of her guards can do that. He smiles. She tells him not to do anything to her guards without their permission. The bachelor party guests are summoned and told to make sure they arrive before Ahab. The party is being held in a clearing in Arden, which has game is roasting over several pits. The wait staff are all female, well-formed, and wearing nothing but see- through gauze skirts. Rinaldo looks like the evening definitely has possibilities. Alex makes a few internal adjustments to keep from violating Mebd's conditions. Six of Julian's guards knock on Ahab's door. He is blindfolded, tied, and placed on a mule. They lead him to the party site. Everyone falls silent before he arrives, although there are a few snickers when people catch sight of the mule. The women all head towards the mule and help Ahab down. They're rather free of hand in the process. Ahab's never been so thoroughly frisked in all his life. They remove the blindfold, unbutton his shirt, and start running their hands over his body. One of them approaches him with a knife, licks the blade and cuts him loose, grabbing a free sample or two along the way. Julian introduces three of the women as Knife, Fork and Goblet, a red-head, a blond and a brunette, respectively. He tells them to make sure Ahab doesn't have to do anything. Ahab is led to a pile of pillows and the party begins in earnest. Foster sticks pretty close to Felix, but Rinaldo seems right at home. Benedict, Caine, Driscoll, Gerard and Merlin are the other Amberites in attendance. Ahab asks one of his "utensils" to direct one of the younger hostesses in Foster's direction. Foster is approached by a sixteen-year old, who takes his hand and leads him off. Felix tells him to have fun. Rinaldo laughs. The women who provide the entertainment during dinner are very... talented. After a while, round two begins, in which anyone who wants any can get it. Ahab, Felix, and Alex all indulge, although Felix finds some privacy to do so. Gerard does not. It's an orgy of the highest caliber. The bridal shower is somewhat tamer, although Vialle has invited some rather flexible men from Rebma to perform. Ariana, Deirdre, Fiona, Flora, Heather, Llewella, Lyss, Mirelle, Mebd and Murine are there. Fiona in particular seems to be having a good time. She keeps urging Heather to loosen up. Most of the women get drunk, except for Ariana. Fiona actually giggles when she's drunk. Heather tries to just sip one drink, but Fiona manages to doctor it with an interesting Spanish Fly sort of concoction. Heather starts really missing Mandor, but she restrains herself from going after one of the entertainers. The gifts are opened. Among the more interesting: Heather gives Kimdyl a ceremonial dagger. According to Chaos tradition, if you catch your husband with another woman, you use it on him, her, or yourself. Flora provides the wedding night lingerie. Fiona gives Kimdyl an erotic statuette. She claims it will help protect Kimdyl from the disadvantages of married life if she keeps it by her bed. The party actually breaks up at a decent hour. Deirdre, Fiona and Flora all leave together and head into town. Mirelle hooks up with one of the Rebmans and borrows Ariana's spare bedroom. She's starts singing a chorus at 2:00 in the morning. Ariana is not pleased by this. Riftvan returns and tells Ariana she'll need her sleep for tomorrow. He offers to help. She accepts, so he casts a sleep spell on her. Mandor is asleep when Heather returns, but he doesn't remain that way for long. Alex opts not to spend the night in the clearing. He returns to his quarters and finds Mebd asleep, with a G-string on the dresser next to her. Morning dawns, much to the discomfort of those still in the clearing. Ahab eventually wakes up and teleports home. Kimdyl is gone, but there is a note from Flora saying he'll see her at the wedding. He notices an odd statuette next to the bed, as well as a G- string. He decides to get a few more hours of sleep. Felix finds Foster passed out and naked in some bushes. His clothing is scattered around him. Felix decides to let him sleep it off and goes to get some breakfast. Rinaldo asks if he's found Foster yet. Felix says he did, but he thought it best to leave him be. Rinaldo is amused. He observes that Julian throws a Hell of a party. Some time later, Felix tries to wake Foster up by lobbing a piece of fruit at him. There is an "Ouch", then Foster yanks his feet in and whimpers. Rinaldo is even more amused. Felix tells him not to breathe a word to anyone. He hands Foster his underwear and asks if he enjoyed himself. Foster says he did until he woke up. He gets dressed and emerges looking rather disarrayed. Felix tells him he needs to be sober at the wedding. Foster replies that Felix should have thought of that before bringing him to the party. Felix suggests he go home and rest up. Foster thinks that's a good idea. Felix Trumps them to town, puts Foster on one of the horses, and leads him back to the castle. Foster goes to sleep with a smile on his face and a pillow over his head. Mandor gives Heather a rather inquisitive look when they get up. She has a pained expression on her face, so he conjures her some aspirin. She slinks off to take a bath. Emer tells Heather that she shouldn't be so rough on father, or she might break him. Heather apologizes for waking her up. Alex tries to send a page to get breakfast, but he can't find any. They're all either hungover in Arden, or being used by Flora. He winds up having to get the food himself. He waits until 8:00, then wakes Mebd up. She figures he must have done something bad since he brought her food. He motions towards the G-string and points out that at least he didn't bring home any underwear. Mebd says it was a souvenir and asks if he knew that Rebmans had green hair naturally. They wind up skipping breakfast in favor of other activities. Felix decides a soak in a hot bath would do him good. Ahab wakes up and decides the same. Felix asks if Ahab had anything to do with Foster's evening. Ahab observes that it was a pretty good party. Felix wonders if Julian will throw a party like that every year. Ahab doubts it. Ariana wakes up at about 9:00 in the morning. Mirelle is still snoring in the guest bedroom. Ariana starts getting ready for the wedding. Mandor continues giving Heather an inquisitive look. She tells him they should arrange separate quarters for Emer next time. Mandor thinks this is a good idea. He keeps giving her that look. She asks if he's wondering what she wants for breakfast. He says he'll take care of that, as soon as she explains what happened last night. She claims it was one of those bridal shower things. Mandor asks who slipped her the Mickey. She says she'll be talking to Fiona about that. He says he'll have to get the recipe. Heather asks him to leave the headache part out of it. Felix lets Foster sleep as late as possible, then wakes him up. Foster is not happy. Felix suggests he soak in the tub for a while. Foster does this thing. Felix checks on him an hour later and finds him sleeping in the tub. Felix wakes him up by dunking his head under water and then scrubbing his hair. Foster does not take kindly to the rude awakening. He says he'll finish up while Felix gets him some aspirin. Alex discovers the advantage of corsets: they make women's breasts much bigger. He likes this. Mebd's corset is tied very tightly. Ahab gets ready for the wedding and then tracks down Flora. He thanks her for all her hard work and gives her a gift. It's a Victor Hugo first edition and a necklace. Flora gives him a kiss. Mebd drops by to see Heather. She's rather shocked to see how old Emer is and asks how much time has passed. Heather explains it's been 13 years. Mebd wants to know why. Heather says they are rather large targets. Mebd is unhappy that she missed Emer's childhood. She points out that Heather should have told her, so she could have at least visited. Heather apologizes and introduces them. Heather notices that Emer finds Mebd a bit boring. Fortunately, Mebd doesn't pick up on this. Ahab goes looking for Foster. Foster is looking rather disgusted with his outfit. Ahab hands the box containing the rings to Foster. He says that if Foster loses them, he'll have to tell Isabeux about last night. Foster turns quite red. Ahab asks if Foster got her name. Foster says he didn't, since he didn't think it was terribly important. Felix asks if he had fun. Foster says that's none of his business. Ahab counts that as a yes. Foster walks into the other room. He emerges shortly after Ahab leaves with a smile on his face. He asks Felix not to encourage Ahab. He also takes the rings out of the box and puts them in his pockets. Everyone mingles in the Great Hall for a while, before the ceremony begins. Ariana observes to Ahab that, judging by the number of apparent hangovers, the bachelor party was a success. She also warns him she might have to leave rather suddenly. The music changes, and everyone takes their places. The wedding party enters. Deirdre is the Maid of Honor. Julian is the Best Man. Benedict, Felix, Flora and Fiona round out the rest of the party. Ahab gets a flashback to Knife, Fork and Goblet when he sees his mother and two aunts. Kimdyl walks down the aisle on Corwin's arm. Corwin is wearing Greyswandir. Flora looks like he'll pay for that later. Kimdyl looks absolutely beautiful. Her dress is red and off the shoulder, and her hair piled elaborately on top of her head. When Corwin hands her over to Ahab, Ahab notices that the dress is rather low cut in the back, with buttons all the way down. Random performs the ceremony, for the most part sticking to the lines Flora gave him. When they reach the "I do's", Ariana's water breaks. She decides to wait until the ceremony is finished before leaving, to cause less of a disruption. When Ahab asks for the rings, Foster pretends he doesn't have them. Ahab glares at him. Felix points out that they're in Foster's pockets. Foster hands them over. Random pronounces them man and wife, and deviates a bit from ceremony by telling Ahab to "Plant one on her." Ahab does so with gusto, to various cheers. As the receiving line begins to form, Fiona points out one of the castle guards to Ahab and tells him that one's Vetch. Ariana finds Gerard and tells him they need to leave. The guard also leaves. Ahab passes a message through Julian to Corwin, explaining that the guard that just left with Ariana is the one who kidnapped Nicholas. Ariana finds the labor progressing more rapidly than expected. Gerard seems to be having trouble dealing with the fact that Ariana is his niece. Ariana tells him to get over it. He leaves to find a midwife. A castle guard walks into the room. Ariana almost yells at him to get out until she notices his eyes are the same color as Riftvan's. Kira starts to say something, but stops when Riftvan stares at her. She walks off in a daze, and Riftvan takes her form. Heather notices Ariana leave, and goes up to the infirmary. She is stopped by Ariana's guards. She asks them to ask Ariana if she can help. Ariana tells them to thank Heather, but things are under control. Corwin leaves soon after he makes his way through the receiving line. Despil warns Ahab that Kimdyl's a wild one. Mandor sends Gramble's regards. They discuss how peaceful it's been. Much mingling and networking occurs. Merlin gives Ahab a Trump of Ghostwheel as a gift. Ahab observes that Ghostwheel's probably not real happy about that. Felix introduces Foster to Eric. Eric introduces his companion, Lucretia Borge. Felix asks if she's Alex's sister. Lucretia is flattered, but admits she's actually Alex's Mother. Felix says she can't possibly be that old. Lucretia soaks it up. Alex rolls his eyes. Gerard returns to the infirmary with a midwife and then gets the Hell out of there. The midwife tells Ariana not to push yet. The problem is that the twins don't want to wait. Since the infirmary is on the same floor as the dining hall, the screams are audible at the reception. Mebd tells Alex not to ever do that to her. Corwin slips back into the dining hall and tells Ahab that they fingered the wrong target, but he'll heal. Unfortunately, this leaves them back where they started, although they have a pretty good idea where Riftvan probably is. They discuss when Deirdre will be ready to go legit about Ahab's parentage. Corwin doesn't suggest pushing her on the matter. They also talk about the Rose, which hasn't been attacked lately. Riftvan makes a smart remark to Ariana. She responds by throwing a glass of water at him. When the midwife isn't paying much attention, Riftvan asks Ariana if she wants something for the pain. She does, so he conjures a glass full of some liquid up for her. Ariana slams it. It takes the edge off the pain, and she starts thinking a little more coherently. Riftvan deems it safe at this point to take her hand. She starts feeling calming thoughts, and Riftvan psychically says he'll tell her when to push. Heather uses the reception as an opportunity to scope out which family members have Trump skills. As expected, Fiona, Bleys and Brand do, but so do Caine, Merlin and Martin. Ahab asks if Lyss has talked to Ariadne lately. Ahab is worried about her. Lyss figures she'll return when she's worked out whatever she needs to. Ahab is afraid she might have decided to prosecute the responsible parties, like the Logrus. Lyss admits this is a possibility. Ahab notices that Lyss is wearing a glass eye, rather than her usual eye patch. It's finally OK for Ariana to push, and the first baby is born rather quickly. Unfortunately, the second one gets stuck, eliciting a rather loud scream from Ariana. Riftvan reverses the contractions to position the baby better, then causes a massive contraction to push it out. This entire process is quite painful for Ariana. Both babies are crying loudly, but Riftvan seems to be paying quite a bit of attention to the second one. Ariana asks if something's wrong. He says that depends on how you define wrong, and explains that the second baby is a boy. He holds Morgan for a while before handing him to her. He watches her nurse the twins for a while, then touches her on the forehead for a moment. She asks what that was for. He says it was insurance. She looks angry and tells him he could have at least asked her first. He takes her hand and does so psychically. She asks if she'll finally get to see what he really looks like. He says perhaps. She tells him yes. He seems content to sit next to her and think for a while. She drifts off to sleep. Ahab talks to Random for a while. He mentions that Vetch is in the Castle. Random is rather surprised. He asks what Ahab wants done about it. Ahab explains that he and Fiona concluded that killing Vetch would be in poor taste right now, given the circumstances. Random figures whatever Ahab wants to do is fine with him. Heather notices some of the dishes at the reception look suspiciously familiar. Mandor chews his food innocently. Heather tells Merlin that she has something to talk to him about after the reception. Merlin agrees to meet with her. Ahab and Kimdyl feed each other the cake. Surprisingly, they both exercise decorum, and neither one of them ends up wearing it. Ahab suggests to Kimdyl that since Vetch showed up anyway, perhaps they should allow him to pay his respects. Kimdyl has no objections to this. Ahab tells Fiona what they're going to do. She tells him Riftvan is still in the castle, and he's close to Ariana. Ahab and Kimdyl go up to the infirmary. Ariana's guards wake her and tell her Ahab and Kimdyl are outside. She says they can come in, if Ahab promises to behave. Ahab can't figure out if Vetch is the midwife or Kira, so he asks Ariana where Vetch is. Ariana pretends she doesn't know what he's talking about. Ahab doesn't buy it. Ariana tells him she needed Riftvan to be there for the birth. Ahab points out that he was at the wedding before she went into labor. She counters that Riftvan was expecting her to go into labor today. Ahab notices Kimdyl and Kira are staring at each other and comes to the obvious conclusion. He waits until they're finished, then leaves with Kimdyl. Ahab asks Kimdyl what happened. She says she thinks everything's going to be all right. Vetch told her that he didn't ask her before taking Nicholas because it would have put her in conflict with Ahab. What he did to Nicholas was to plant something in his mind that will make him terrified of walking the Pattern until he takes the Logrus. Apparently Vetch feels that's the order in which it must be done. Ahab still thinks Vetch should have just told him. Kimdyl points out that, over the years, Vetch has lost trust in everyone, so rather than argue about something, he just does it. Ahab says that in the future, he'll do the same to Vetch. Ahab suggests that they really don't need to go back to the reception. Kimdyl calls him wicked, but they go back to the dining hall to excuse themselves. Deirdre bemoans the headache she has, and the things she did with Fiona and Flora last night. Ahab doesn't want to know the details. He thanks Corwin for his help, and wishes him luck with Flora. He and Kimdyl go to their quarters. Ahab finds he's truly impressed by Flora's taste in lingerie. Ariana asks where Riftvan sent Kira. He's not quite sure, and asks her to remind him to shift Kira back at some point. She asks what he did. He says he made Kira look like one of his miscellaneous forms, since it wouldn't do to have two Kira's walking around. She asks what will happen now. He tells her to rest. She asks where they'll have the wedding. He figures he can find the appropriate priest somewhere. He's willing to consider having the ceremony in the shadow where she was raised, but she says that's not necessary. She'd like to have the wedding in Amber, providing she can get Ahab to promise not to cause any trouble. Riftvan tells her she has no idea how this has complicated things. She asks him to enlighten her. He explains that it makes her and the children a target. He suggests she move into the castle, and not take Morgan outside. He admits protecting them is going to make him more of a target, but he has some failsafes in place, and he figures he's had some practice. Ariana asks if there's anything else she can do. He asks if she'd be willing to leave Amber. She doesn't like the idea, but she's willing to do anything to protect the children. Riftvan says he'll have to shapeshift her. She points out that there are a few people who will try to track her down if she just disappears. Ahab for one. They consider killing a shadow of her and making it look like the Hendrakes were responsible, but Ariana doesn't like this idea. Among other things, she thinks Ahab will still blame Vetch for it. She suggests she just tell Ahab she's leaving Amber, but not give any details. Riftvan points out Ahab won't be able to Trump her where she's going. Ariana says Ahab can't Trump her if she doesn't want to answer anyway, so it's not that suspicious. Riftvan tells her they won't leave until she recovers. He tells her to rest again, and this time she listens.