Session Eight
Words cannot easily explain how the world has changed for me...I do not know that there is any point in the attempt, save that it must be recorded.
Barely twenty-four hours have passed since my last entry....
I began my day lost and confused, seeking aid from my family...seeking protection from Jack, the Avatar of Faerie. Teresa was unreachable.... My attempts to learn of Vixen's success in tracking down the Wards went nowhere, for she, too, was unreachable, as was Eric. Finally, Nicholas was able to speak with me. I confessed my fears to him; we spoke at length. How distant that confusion seems now.
He promised to provide me with a Faerie Ward, that I might protect myself until such time as Jack is expelled from Amber. And he warned me to beware of Eric, for he blames me for the disappearance of Vixen. Bah! The woman is out of under him for barely two days and he feels it is the end of the world. Perhaps having fulfilled her 'obligation' to Amber in the form of Renard, she has seen fit to leave us for good.
But she matters not to me any more...nor her son nor lover.
I re-racked my spells in the privacy of my room, and made small talk with Elaine. I turned to Ariana for consolation...and she told me what she could. At lunch I invited Gavin to join us, and strove to learn why precisely his presence so invoked my silver ring [Sensitivity to Danger: 2]. In the end he would tell me nothing, and his mind is such that I cannot pry. I suggested he speak with Fiona, and considered myself finished with the matter.
After lunch, I trumped Nicholas and was given the Red Stone. The Faerie Ward is larger than my hand and vaguely triangular in shape. It is a deep red, as of a flawed gem stone, and is engraved with runes. It hangs from a leather thong, which struck me as rather primitive, but upon placing it around my neck, I could feel its power.
And then I spoke with Nimue...who offered me a chance at salvation.
Barely had I begun to consider my options, sitting on my balcony watching the setting sun, when I received a frantic trump call from Ariana. The less said of the chaos that followed, the better. To summarize, Gavin has brought into Amber a demon, which hides in his mind. It seems to be motivated to protect him, to the extent that it will attempt to destroy any whom he dislikes, or who harbor ill thoughts toward him. Mother was unable to remove the demon, and so she removed Gavin instead. Problem solved.
After the attempts at binding and my own near-possession by the fiend, I walked and spoke a bit with mother, pausing at the nearest restroom to toss Jack's ring into the privy. What to say of our talk, save that it was brief and completely without conflict. I know what to do, and she approves of my choice. I warned her of the problem of Eric, and she said that she was working on it.
At supper, I talked with Alexandra...like sisters should. She is ashamed of her behavior of the previous night, and feels that she has disappointed father. I felt moved by her pain, remembering how I once felt in the face of Fiona's disappointment so many decades previously. Alexandra is so very young...and not used to the irrational torments of our world. I shall do my best to support her, and give her what encouragement I can.
Young though she is, she is still quite perceptive, and was quick to poke holes in my self-confidence. She made it clear that it was likely that all the weaknesses I perceived in Jack were probably created for the sole purpose of making myself weak. I heeded her words, and was forced to re-think my plans.
After supper, I spoke with Grayson and Ariana, for he was in much the same position as me...forced to choose Jack or Amber. Recognizing that Ariana would only hinder me in this, I asked her to give us time alone...and so we talked. I offered to teach him the magic of conjuration...and made him aware of his responsibilities in this. I did not have to threaten him...and was glad for it.
And then we walked the Pattern together...both of us losing our Faerie Magic in the process.
Everything is so clear now...all the pain and pleasure drained from me...made transparent...the color of my own insanity has been washed from those images. I remember everything. I remember Edwin and Thorn vividly, and it doesn't hurt me any more. I feel...calm.
Jack's power is gone from me...he holds nothing over me now...he cannot make me weak again. I do not love him...I see how he created within me the seeds of infatuation. Such foolishness.
There is much to do...and much to think about. But I am not afraid of what the future brings.