Truthfully, the events of the next five years went rather quickly, and it was only the events of the few weeks following the coronation that bear scrutiny. Mother had set me on the course to continue my legal studies, and had suggested I speak with Bill Roth, who was the resident expert in these matters. His specialty was in dealing with the legal matters of the royal family, of course, but I nevertheless found him to be an invaluable resource. He had the knowledge I needed, and the connections.
Other issues, however, proved more troubling. My mother confided in me that she feared that Vincent might be possessed by the ghost of Sand, who is his birth mother. Realizing the risk inherent in this, I volunteered to keep an eye on him, an easy enough task given that I had already made arrangements to begin learning some of the basics of trump from him. Sand was the preeminent trump artist of her day, and came into conflict with the family on more than one occasion. Her return could not be allowed.
At the same time, however, I must recognize that I care for Vincent a great deal, and in him I see the son I never had. Had things been different, he and Thorn could have been friends. I wish I could be as certain about Vincent's feelings for me, however. I suspect his interest isn't as platonic as mine. Still, we get along well enough, with little friction. I provide instruction for him in conjuration and painting techniques, and he is able to teach me some of the fundamentals of trump artistry, especially the theory involved. He is an extraordinarily bright boy for his age.
Studying with Bill Roth proved to be quite enlightening. He provided me with the books I needed, and directed me to some of the magistrates, who were more than happy to encourage my interest in the courts of law. In the process of working with Mr. Roth, I also learned that many of the remaining orphaned children of the noble families had been handed over to Felix and Ishmael for guardianship. I suppose I should more rightly say Tamaryn and Maddy, as I doubt either of the men know a diaper from a shortsword. Oh wait...Ishmael would recognize a shortsword.
In the course of my studies, I could not fail to hear of the punishment handed down to Meris, leader of the rebellion in Amber City. Her timing was poor, I must admit. To be imprisoned at just the time when a scapegoat was needed for the poisoning of the noble families.... It is injust, but one must look to the larger picture. The freedom of one mouthy young woman does not supercede the stability of an empire. She is to be hanged, and then drawn and quartered...a lesson to other rebels. I expected no different from Nicholas.
The time I spent with Vincent only confirmed my mother's fears. He knows too much, and occasionally goes into a sort of fugue state, delving into advanced trump theories that are very obviously beyond his education. When he began explaining the art of influencing dreams using trump, I realized that I was hearing the voice of Sand through his lips. On one hand, this is far from disadvantageous for me. Sand's knowledge of trump makes her an excellent tutor...and yet I fear that probing for that knowledge might give her a greater hold on Vincent, and I would not harm him.
After my lessons with Vincent, I had an appointment with the castle architect, who is still in the process of drawing up plans for the expansion and reconstruction of Castle Amber. Basically, I explained to him that I wish a tower of my own...connected to the castle but no part of it...something with large glass windows in the ceiling so that entire top level can be a sort of greenhouse. He seemed to like the challenge of it, and agreed to begin working on plans, as time permits. I suspect I shall have to procure materials for him, but I am up to the challenge.
The next day I was able to speak with mother regarding the situation with Vincent. I offered to help as much as I could, but she explained that she would have to research the issue further before we could do anything. We also chatted very briefly about Edwin. Well...to be fair, mother felt the need to inform me that he still loved me. I was less than thrilled to hear this. I cannot fathom why he should remain obsessed over this figment that was our marriage. One would think a millenium in Chaos would be more than enough to make him forget me.
Realizing that mother could be of no aid in this matter, I resolved to make one last attempt to convince him to behave reasonably. Unfortunately, he was as irrational as ever. I merely asked that he consider leaving Amber and returning to his family, where he belonged, but he would have no part of that. As with all our discussions, he left with a slightly hurt tone to his voice. He is, I suspect, the puppy that is only happy when kicked. Returning to my rooms, I was able to reach only one conclusion, that I would have to put up with him. And so I have resolved to polite, and cordial...and treat him with the respect due to any other who had faithfully served my Emperor. At the same time, though, I will have no social interaction with him...and will take pains to never be alone with him again.
Shortly after reaching my rooms, Alexandra came to visit, and we had a very long discussion about many topics. She has purchased the Pearl and plans on converting it into a women's shelter, an idea I fully support. Having heard of my research into the legal arena, she wished to know if I would be willing to include an endorsement of her efforts in my proposals. Naturally, I agreed, and I admit that I felt a certain pleasure at seeing her turn her attention to more productive goals. This is the first time I have heard her say anything that affirmed for me that she is, indeed, a daughter of Fiona.
Unfortunately, we were foolish enough to stray into personal matters, and she confided in me her plan to give one of her unborn children to Jack and keep the other...and thus conclude her 'deal' with Jack. It was like a knife in my side to hear her speak so casually of abandoning her child...but I hid my feelings and tried to carefully explain to her that decisions like that can come back to haunt you. Eventually, she realized that she was missing something, and so I told her of my lost son Thorn, and she apologized for the casual manner in which she spoke of giving away her baby. It wasn't necessary to apologize, I told her, just that she realize that what seems a simple bargain now can cause lasting pain in the long run. I don't know that my words had any effect, but I hope she will consider them before doing anything rash.
Before we could finish, a scream resounded in the hallway and we both ran to investigate. And then began the whole confrontation between Brand, Ariana, Vincent, Fiona, Nimue, and Nicholas. I don't even remember anymore what the exact details were...save that Brand, Vincent, and Fiona, had somehow become a triumvirate of sorts...had become the Avatars of Trump. Sand and Vincent are now one person...their knowledge and spirits combined.... And now both of my parents are moved on to greater roles...greater responsibilities.
I don't know what to say about it, save that the next five years involved throwing myself into my work. What else was there for me to do, really? I have no husband, no children, and no family save for the sister who stole my fiancee. Given the alternatives, I found service to be more rewarding.
I made a number of trips to the Courts of Chaos, sometimes staying away from Amber for as long as month in Amber time...much longer in the Courts. I visited Middlecourt and the Rose Kingdoms, gathering more information on differing legal systems, striving to understand which laws worked best for Nicholas' purposes, and how best to implement these changes. Within the first month of my research, I was able to submit a proposal to Nicholas which laid the groundwork for gender equity and gave women the potential to redress grievances in the courts of law. It will be some time before our society comes to recognize these changes, but I have at least laid the groundwork.
Keeping an eye on my sister Alexandra also consumed some of my time over those years, but though her habits are distasteful to me, I do not feel I need to concern myself with them overmuch. She has formed a little coterie of sexually depraved nobles, whom she rules by virture of her own sexual depravity, which leaves them to shame. With all the knowledge that mother taught her, she has somehow decided that she can rule the world through her vagina. How sad.
The changes that have occurred to Vincent are quiet noticeable. He has matured greatly over these years, no small part of that due to Sand's presence in him. There is a maturity in his gaze that disconcerts me now...and I recognize that he is psychically stronger than me by some small measure. Were I a lesser woman, I would break off our association out of fear...but I will not. He will adjust in time...and I will adjust to the changes wrought on him.
Shard continues to be a source of joy in my life. I have learned that he is a dramatist of no small skill, and his orations have even evoked tears from me on occasion. Following my suggestion, he has formed a theater in Amber City, titled Theatre de la Nuit, which he said is 'french' for Theater of the Night. I have made it a policy to attend performances when I can, though my studies keep me busy.
I must admit that I have made an active effort to avoid the family these five years. In my manic phases, I have little patience for small talk and sympathy...I need to produce. The small library I have gathered of legal texts is quite impressive, and the magistrates have taken to calling upon me for informal advice on interpreting the law. In special cases, I have been asked to serve as truthsayer...determining whether plaintiff or defendent lies in a particular case...and it has pleased me to put my talents to such good use.
Alexandra elected to keep her children, and though I have not felt comfortable spending much time with them, I have been attentive enough to send them gifts on their birthdays. I just don't feel comfortable around Alexandra in this setting...can't help but feel they should have been my children...but perhaps it is for the best that Jack was denied me.
Nicholas seldom confides in me his problems, but he has told me of his problems with Ariana. Caine told me the background on this matter...that Nicholas has used the Orb to sterilize her and her children...thus ensuring that there will be threats to Corbin's reign. I feel it a sensible decision. Ariana has many children, already, and there are no shortage of orphans who need good homes. And yet that isn't enough for her. I will have to speak with her on this...she endangers herself and the well-being of her children.
I also gave Nicholas a note concerning Alexandra. Caine informs me that she is trying to 'get at Nicholas'. I suspect I know why. For that reason, my note informs him of my suspicions of my sister. I asked, however, that he only read it if he were prepared to trust her with some important mission or information.... For then he will have need to know her weaknesses and proclivities. I pray he never reads it, for it hurts me that I should have to say such things about my sister, truthful though they be.