After the Argument....
In my rooms, I cried. The smell of burning flowers lingers...as does the burned oils from my portrait of Jack. I had Elained bring me a light supper...she recognized that something had gone wrong...and let me be. I thought about what had happened for a long time, and then went to the Pattern.
As I walked its lines, the confusions were banished from my mind, and I recalled again all that had been said in those moments.
It began when I noticed that she was wearing his ring...both the engagement ring and the wedding band. The gesture she used to hide it was so like mine from a few days earlier. Her confusions were like looking into a mirror.
And when I said it aloud...that she wore his ring...her response was that I had thrown mine into the privy. And then I realized the spite in her tone...and my own answering jealousy. He had been mine for a hundred years, and in less than two weeks time she took him from me. More the fool, she.
I recounted her own words...that he was too powerful to understand...to be trusted...that his plots were greater than anything we could understand...and threw those words back in her face. To which she responded, ''...but he loves me." I could only say, "I hope you're right."
She tried to claim some kind of victory. Their children would begin a new race...she would rule in Faerie. Disgusted, I explained the truth to her. He has no position in Faerie...Titania and Auberon rule. He's not even a duke. I would have insisted upon something more had I married him, I added quietly. And I saw the defeat in her eyes...she realized I was telling the truth...but it didn't really matter.
And then I grew angry and told mother of her philandering in the brothel...and such. For in my mind I could only think this, that Jack had deserted me for my sister, younger, prettier, nicer, and certainly more malleable...certainly more willing to spread her legs for anything with a nice smile.
The rage was like a fever in me...I wanted to kill her...kill myself...kill Jack...destroy everything and everyone who had brought me to this state. Damnit, I wanted Jack...he was to be mine...not hers.
Suhuy only said, "I am so disappointed in you," and I could see her spirit crushed by that one comment. I wanted to yell at him...take it back...but nothing could. In spite of it all, I looked at her and saw myself in her position.
Mother offered her hand...said that they'd be going away for awhile. Alexandra hesitated, and Fiona only said, "Don't make me force you." And then they were gone. Mother would take away...and fix her...forceably, no doubt. I hugged father and said that I needed some time to be alone. And so I left.
The veils took the pain away...made it distant...these were merely memories...like Edwin and Thorn. Painful...yes...but distant. Jack tossed me aside for her...so be it.
But what is there left for me now? Nothing to hope for...no vague goal or ideal...just my anger...my hatred. And then I broke through the final veil...stood a moment in thought, and teleported to my rooms. Elaine had removed the curtains, and another servant was using a mop to clean the stains on the ceiling. I ignored them both and returned to my rooms, and slept until the morning.
The next day was uneventful. I spoke with Ariana briefly and updated her on what had transpired. I had lessons with Grayson, and thanked him for his bravery. Unfortunately, my temper wasn't really up to his usual gushing optimism, and when he tried for the third time to cheer me up, I warned him that the next attempt would result in my burning him alive. I can tell already that things aren't going to last between us.