I blame myself entirely.

	No, I cannot blame myself for events.  I blame myself for my
reaction to events.  And yet...how else could I have responded?

	It was entirely valid that I think Eric had left me unguarded.
Would he trust me in the same circumstances?  And so, it was also natural
that I should seek to protect myself.  Vetch is the only one who can
really tell me how to defeat the assassins of his former house...he
demanded my loyalty for that information.  Well, it was logical to give it
to him.  After all, it is subservient to my other duties.

	And I could hardly avoid acknowledging Alex's assistance and his
claims on my attention, should he need assistance himself.  It is only
fair.  I have the right to choose, and my loyalty is not compromised.

	Brand is evil and betrayed me to my imprisonment.  He is likely
the author of my exile and so of all my troubles.  I will kill him one
day, and why not then?  He is no friend to anyone here!  I cannot blame
myself for my actions.

	And yet, I blame myself for the twisted loyalties in which I am
entwined, for my betrayal of Eric's trust, for acting without his
permission and against his interests.

	I blame myself entirely.