As an assassin, I considered myself adept at disguise. Did I not
come close to killing Eric, disguised as a chambermaid? Last night, I was
stabbed by an assassin disguised as a couch. Amber, you leave me no
illusions. Would that I had killed myself before I let that smiling devil
conduct me to this, the one true hell.
Grasping at my only chance to learn my enemies' weaknesses, I
vowed loyalty to Lucien and to Vetch-in-Exile. Eric is displeased.
Ariana will be livid. The King will never trust me.
While I lay gasping on the floor of the Pearl, with the air
rushing through the hole in my chest, Alex and Laughter apparently wove
wards around the House to keep it safe from Faerie. Once more, I am in
Alex's debt. The trap grows tighter. The King will never trust me.
Alex would use me but his mother would kill me. Eric - why didn't
you tell me? How can I defend myself against those I don't know exist?
Although I love you, I plan to kick you extremely hard at the next
opportunity. Eric believes she did not hire the Vetches. Oh? How many
other Chaosites have reason to kill me? I must investigate Leto, but
Lucretia is the obvious choice. I warned Alex that this must be resolved.
Vendetta would tear Amber apart. If his mother turns against Eric I WILL
kill her, though Alex destroy me after.
Ronan has turned against his father, constrained now only by the
bonds of duty. This too is my fault. I have cost Eric dearly, though I
suffer for it also. Ronan underestimates his father. There is steel in
Eric, and he will not hesitate to kill his own blood, should Amber lie in
the balance; and Ronan has not earned his love, either. This Ronan must
learn. I would have peace between us...we stand shoulder-to in the same
struggle. What matters an offense against 'honor' on a Shadow world, now
that we fight for our survival in Amber? And new worlds and races appear
daily to thwart us...
I stabbed my oldest friend. The faeries drove me to this extreme;
I can no longer tell what is real or illusion. And in being close to me,
she is close to danger. I will offer Mona and Lisa return to Maree. I am
sure now that the length of my life is measured in hours, and I would not
have them die with me. Or by my hand.
Why keep fighting? The world is too strange. Peacefully to go
down under a dagger...ah, but I will not give them the satisfaction.
To flee this is a better choice. I have not arrogance enough to
live in Amber.
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