First things first: I hope Gerard didn't notice me hanging around
while he was...hanging around.

	Second: Ariana looked totally miffed when Vetch went off to save
the Universe without her.  I would too.  Fortunately, the only person I've
even gotten a marriage proposal from is out of Logrus and just as full of
Pattern as I am.  Not that I'm likely to marry him.  Or am I?  Question of
the day.  Question of every day, no doubt, from now and 'til the day I
die.  Or get married (to him or anyone else).

	If only there weren't this baby, I could take my time and think
about things as long as I like.  But in eight months or so, I'm going to
need all the help I can get, and Foster is about all I've gotten in the
offerings of help department.  Well, offerings of help that I feel I can
accept.  He deserves to be with his own kid, too, after all, and I deserve
to be with my own child, so I think that means no matter what happens,
we'll see a lot of each other.  None of this sitting around living half a
life while the other parent takes the kid to the circus.  Saw enough of
that in Moira.  At least the church in Foil prevents that sort of thing
from happening.

	I grew up without a father.  Caitt never let on that there was
ever a man in her life other than her son, and Fiona did about the same
thing (except substitute Bleys for son).  Mandor appeared almost out of
nowhere, and it's not like he's a real dad at this late date.  And when
Beauty was born, the war was just beginning.  I didn't even know where to
look to find her father.  Elizabeth took too many lovers for that to be
obvious to even me.  And it's not like I had nine months to think about
things before I got Beauty.  I came home from an extended journey and
there it was -- my sister and friend was dead, and Beauty was all that was

	I could have used some help in those first years.  Senlin did a
good enough job, but we were both busy, the Queen and the Chancellor. 
Caitt was more than just a grandmother to Beauty, of course, but still.  A
kid needs parents.  Plural.  More than one.  So.

	So.  Father wants me to come and live in Chaos for a while.  Maybe
I'll do that.  Just for six months, though.  And if I haven't got my head
on straight by then about this whole issue, I never will.

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