________________________________________________________________
 
 Message: 36166846, 30 lines
 Imported: 7:59am EDT, Mon Jun 13/94
 Subject: heather's last week's diary
 To: Kris Fazzari, fazzari@umich.edu, jlarke@umich.edu, liamr@umich.edu,
     reeshau@hebron.connected.com, sodapop@chico.css.itd.umich.edu
 From: seddy@mpcc.org
 
 	Jasra is as detestable as I recall, but fortunately also just as
 feral. Knowing what strings to pull certainly helps, but I do like to
 think that I have a talent for such things.  Call it an aptitude.  It was
 appallingly simple to convince her that we should cooperate. The fact that
 it only made sense was not entirely lost on her, but my assurance to lay
 no claim on Brand's attentions along with my expressed wish for his
 continued domesticity had no small impact on her decision.  That she
 displayed enthusiasm for my plan to release him from Benedict's scrutiny
 only shows how corrupted I've become in my quest for power.
 	I have come a long way;  I now longer blame myself for the cause
 or consequences of my abandonment, and while I cannot honestly proclaim an
 overwhelming affection for myself, I am at peace with my past, and I
 constantly strive for a future with which I can live.  The thing of it is
 that I am still scared.  For over one hundred and thirty years, I was as a
 god in my supremacy. While I seem to rate amongst the top minds in my
 expanded universe, I am just as far below in all else.
 	Therefore, for the first time in my life, I fear something outside
 of myself. It is unfortunate that this angst is at root a rational
 response, for if it were not I should just ignore it and fall back to
 introspection for my solace.  As it is, the only options I have are
 unpallatable at best;  I can either learn to embrace my very
 powerlessness, or I can take steps to ensure my superiority.  It seems to
 me wholly unactionable to pursue the latter as a matter of policy.
 	Like all else in life, this produces a conflict, and I am very
 much afraid that I ran blindly over my daughter.  I assured myself that
 Mebd could only profit from this venture, that a rise in her status with
 the hope of continued favors from the ambassador would more than justify
 the shedding of a few tears for the cause.
 	What was I thinking?