Entry 15:11 1 Day
My father is Quin of Avalon. Don't know what to do now. He
recognized me, but didn't "Recognize" me. Don't know what I really
expected. This isn't the way I'd hoped it would turn out. Didn't expect
my hopes to pan out. Don't know what I expected. Seems, for some reason,
expected to find my mother, actually. Don't know why. Apparently, she
was just a real clever local. Why did she give me up after six months?
How, for that matter? It's too late now, if by some bizarre chance, after
60 some years, she's still alive, she's probably too senile to recognize
me. Everybody outlives their parents. Except for Amberites. Or, in my
true case, the Avalonites. Bet they don't call themselves that. It's
odd. Clarissa is my cousin, but she's also the mother of some of the
people in Amber I started thinking of as my aunt and uncles, distant a &
u's. Turns out they're more closely my cousins-once-removed, with me
being in the 'older' generation. Wait. Going the other way makes us
cousins-once-removed again, but with our positions reversed. These
families are so inbred and fucked up.
Still don't know what to do. Quin recognized me immediately as
one of his, but wouldn't admit it to me. He only allowed for the
possibility that I was his son. It was almost like he didn't want to take
responsibility for me. Either 'cause he'd get in trouble, or 'cause he
didn't want to have to bother raising me. Like I'm even close to being a
kid anymore. Clarissa didn't mention he's married, so what's the problem?
Why keep me at a distance? More importantly though, what should I do?
Push him, or wait till he approaches? If I push him, he might resent me
for intruding on whatever reason he's being secretive. If I don't push
him, sounds like he might not ever get around to talking to me, even if he
suddenly wanted to. Well, at least I've met and spoken to my father now.
More about the rest of my day later.
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