From liamr@css.itd.umich.edu Fri Jan 28 00:17:46 1994 Date: Fri, 28 Jan 1994 00:04:20 -0500 (EST) From: Liam Hoekenga To: amber campaign Subject: Felix's diary - session 30 Late Afternoon Hit me bed as soon as we came back. The mission was a success. That's all well and nice, but I needed sleep. Da came by. He looked concerned. Guess he got my letter. Said he had it on some authority that Mirelle was lying. He asked, and when he pressed her, she admited that she lied. I feel kinda silly being worried about it and all, but Mirelle sounded so sure of herself, and any number of familial suprises has been cropping up lately. He also said that mum said I was Gerard's. She would know, I suppose. Told me to lie down, he did.. so I did. Also said that mum would drop by - don't know if she did or not, I slept for an awfully long time. After a much needed nap, I went looking for Ariadne. After our little encounter with Rygat, I decided it was about time I got a sword. Ahab has one. Ariana has one. Driscle has one. I felt left out. Figured that being a hellmaid and all, Ariadne would have a pretty good idea of where to get a sword. She was butchering her hair when I came in. Everything was a bit lopsided. She asked me to even things up - so much of it was so short, I had to crop all of it. Asked her about swords, and she took me out looking for one. "Picture it in your mind," says she. "Picture it in as much detail as you can." So I tried. Then she says, "Don't just stand there, walk to it boyo!" I tried. Didn't make much headway. She told me to squint. "You're thinking too much about the details of the shadows." First time anyone's told me that I think too much. Came across it in an church yard. There it was. Two handed. The kinda blade you have to strap across your back because it would drag if you wore it at your hip. Other than some knot-work on the blade up by the hilt, and on the hilt itself, it's a pretty simple sword. I wanted something big and sharp, and it's exactly what I got. Dropped by Flora's. Asked her about going to school on shadow Earth. Guess Merlin had just been by that morning, asking the same thing. Merlin and I had spoken about it on an earlier occasion, but nothing had become of it. You just don't leave in the middle of a crisis. Its bad form. Anyway, she didn't think it would be a problem. She's gonna get me the papers, and I should be set. Got into UCLA on a wrestling scholarship. The coach's eyes bugged out when he saw me. Actually, same reaction I got from most of the coaches I spoke with. Decided to stick with wrestling. I know how to do that. I don't know a lot of the other sports they play in California... and I didn't want to draw to much attention to myself. I just wanted to be an everyday, twenty-five year old guy. Leave for school real soon. It'll be good to get away. July 12, 1991 Woke up this morning and she was gone. No hug, no kiss, no goodbye... only this god-damn'd note! Doesn't even explain anything. "Thanks a lot, Felix. Do something about the snore. I'll keep in touch." That's it? That's all? Eight months with her and this is all I get? Damn it. They'd laugh at me back in Amber. I let my guard down. I let myself get hurt. That's twice now... made me feel stupid in Albion, and now on Earth. Maybe I should just face up to it. Felix, m'boy, you're a moron. She got into town early last night. Didn't have to get her at LAX. She just showed up. No bags. Just an "I'm here. What're we gonna do?" She was wearing the dress - off the shoulder, full skirt. Had to keep Nate out of the room when she wore the dress. Sorta a burgandy - accented her... uh.. hair. She wore it to great advantage. Not slutty.. just extremely sexy. Guess thats one of the things that set her apart. She didn't have to dress like a slut to look sexy. None of Nate's girls figured that trick out. Put on a suit and went out. Had a nice dinner, she wanted to go dancing (another thing I still haven't quite picked up.) We went for a little while. Walked down on the pier - the one with the stupid carnival. They won't let me play any of the games there anymore... but you should see the size of Murine's stuffed animal collection! That's assuming that she kept any of them.. that any of our time meant anything to her. "Do something about the snore?" Damn damn damn damn damn... She attacked me as soon as we got back to my appartment. The night was just starting. It's never been so vigorous. Half expected to see a little "Energizer" label on her back. She just wouldn't stop. Feel asleep with her in my arms. It felt so safe. I woke up hugging a fucking pillow, with this stupid fucking note on the table. "I'll keep in touch." I don't know if I have anything to say to her. July 25, 1991 Still haven't heard from her. She's never gone more than a week without calling. What the hell am I supposed to do now? August 14, 1991 What am I going to do without her? Found some of the pictures Merlin took on his boat. Him and Julia. Me and Murine. I shoulda burned those photos up then and there. I couldn't. What if I never see her again? How would I remember? We had some damn good times... some wonderful times. It was nice having someone there. Some I could count on. What did I do wrong? What did I do to her? I must have frightened her away. You fucked up again, Felix. August 29, 1991 After a lot of thought, I've disenrolled from fall classes. I need some time to think - time away from LA. I see her everywhere I go - not literally - but I can't get her out of my head, and there are memories everywhere. I think Coach was the most heart broken. He was thinking Olympics - summer games 1992. I still got some time to decide. I'm just planning to take this semester off. I'm keeping the apartment. I'm planning on coming back. I can't run away. It's not worth it. Gerard's son would not run away from this. She was only a girl. I'm only twenty-five. I've got time. Gonna pack some stuff and go home this weekend. Couple of days from now, and everythings going to be fine. August 31, 1991 - Morning in Amber Just dropped my stuff off. Haven't given Eris the horse yet. I hope she likes it. Going to go see who's around - a lot of us took off, apparently. Murine's not from New Orleans. Murine can travel through shadow... and often does. She showed up to the castle. She brought me a present. Something she picked up on her travels? He's ten years old. He's got my mother's face (well hers and Murine's.) He's got mismatched eyes. One's green, the other's brown. His name is Foster. He's my son.