I think that Ivan is my father. I have spoken with many people
about my theory, and all of them think it's plausible - perhaps the
opinions that give me the most hope are those of Bleys and Fiona. They
both thought that it was an extremely reasonable explanation for Da's
disappearance. In talking to Fiona, I found out that Benedict is missing
as well. Fiona thinks that Dara may have him raising a land army against
us. Subduing him must have been more difficult that getting me da.
Dara has being trying to subvert the family in less obvious ways.
I was Trumped by someone posing as Caine today, and given a Trump, with
the understanding that I was to use it if I found out anything that Dara
might find useful. Fiona plucked this thought from my mind before the lot
of them had their fun with me. I wonder who else Dara has gotten to?
Caine would have been placed in an extremely bad situation had I reported
to Dara. Ahab wouldn't tell me, but it was pretty obvious that he'd
planned to have Caine replace me. I kind of wish I'd been able to see
that. I'd be interested in finding out what Caine really thinks of me -
his portrayal may have offered some insight. He wasn't very happy with me
after our conversation the other day. Sometimes my mouth works faster
than my brain. I didn't want to insult him - he's always been good to
me... and I just made an arse of myself. Par for the course, really.
Ahab's plan is interesting - what I know of it, that is. He
wouldn't tell me much - the fact that they wanted me out of they way told
me enough. They wanted someone else to be me. I guess I'm glad that I'm
not being used as a pawn... well not physically, at least. I hope he told
Mum and Tamaryn what's going on. After my little adventure the other day,
I'm not sure if either of them could take something bad happening to
'Felix.' I did promise that I wouldn't do anything stupid. I'm afraid
that neither Caine or Ahab are bound by it.
It's fairly clear that I should have voiced my opinions before I
let Lady Reyne touch me. Truth is... I've never really wanted to look
like someone else. I certainly never planned on looking like this. I
look into the water and see a stranger gazing back - the child of Caine
and a gypsy woman? I guess it's not too bad... I'm not a cripple... or
horribly disfigured... or a woman. Lady Reyne thought that making me a
woman would have been horribly amusing. I'm glad she didn't mess with all
I don't want to know how she knew about the nipple rings.
Laughter has no affiliation with Reyne, that I know of. If Foster leaked
it to his Chaos buddies, him and me will be having a talk when I get back.
The Chaos bitch did something to me. I don't feel quite right -
well... that's probably to be expected. The added height hasn't done
anything for my sense of balance. Something just does not feel right. I
think she's take some of my strength away. I hope that was planned - and
if it was, I wish that they had told me that she was going to do it. She
better had not have done anything else unexpected to me.
Jesus indeed... another thing I should have expressed an opinion
on. I've always thought Felix suited me. Even when I went to Shadow, I
was always Felix. Jesus seems to fit, though. I do have a following
anxiously waiting for the second coming... and the third... and fourth...
They're my own personal holy trinity. There are worse ways to wake up. I
wonder if any of them were named Mary?
Usires brought Ivan's ship back to port. Lots of prisoners.
Didn't see Ivan, though. I wonder if he's been taken back to the castle?
Didn't see Usires' ship. Looks like he went and got it sank. I'm tempted
to sign on with him - he lost a lot of men with his ship. He could use my
help... well... he could use Felix's help. I don't know if he'd
particularly value Jesus' help.
If I hadn't promised Mum and Tamaryn that I wouldn't do something
stupid, I'd be really tempted to Hellride to Ivan and join his crew. As
tempting as that is, I'm going to have enough explaining to do when I get
back home. I hope Caine and Ahab are available when the time for that
I guess signing on with Usires - or staying in port - would be the
best idea. Fiona told me to keep my barriers raised, which means that
they're not going to be able to Trump me when things are done. I'm going
to have to stay where they can find me. Ivan's crew probably isn't real
high on their list of places to look for Jesus. (The thought of Ahab on a
quest for Jesus is kinda amusing.) I'd rather not worry Mum more than
she's bound to be worried right now. I just hope that they get this thing
resolved before my reflection looks too familiar.
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