I pissed off Da today.  He was worried about Caine, and was trying
to track him down.  Then, I realized that Caine hadn't told us where he
hid Mum, and mentioned it to Da, and he got even more worried.  I Trumped
Bleys to ask him about it, and he thought it was funny!  Da ran into the
same thing.  I said some things that I shouldn't have.  I need to think
more often.  Maybe I wouldn't hurt so many people then.

	Anyway...about all running away accomplished was getting me an
audience with the Serpent.  Nothing I care to repeat.  I hope the rest of
them are all right, but I am not going back there.


	I did not want this...  I never wanted this..  I think that I
figured out how Vetch plans to take over Amber - from the inside.  Most of
the people of my generation have either slept with a Vetch, had a child
with a Vetch, or married one...some concurrently...and then, when they've
thoroughly inundated us, they'll have won...they're close enough to making
up the majority of the family.

	First Foster tells me that his mother is not Murine, and
then...that his real mother is alive...and then she Trumps me.  The woman
actually Trumps me, and what's worse, I pull her through.  I've already
been a member of that club!  Stupid Felix.  Don't do this to yourself. 
It's not gonna be worth it.  She'll just hurt you and leave again...just
like last time.  And then maybe Foster will lie some more.

	"Foster Vetch, come on down, you're the next contestant on 'Lie to
	"I'm sorry Laughter, but your story wasn't quiet convincing
enough...  But you do get a consolation prize...  Ariana, tell her what
she's won!"
	"Well, Riftvan, Laughter has won a case of Lee Press-on Nails, and
a lifetime supply of Rice-a-Roni, the San Francisco Treat (tm)...and a
chance to play our home game!  But, wait...she's already playing the home
game!  Let's welcome our next contestant, Tamaryn Vetch..."

	Damn it Felix, you spend too much time feeling sorry for yourself. 
Just say that you'll have nothing to do with this woman and be done with

	Well...she did help me an' Da find Mum and least I think
that she did.  She had to grope Caine with the Logrus to do it, tho.  She
got a Trump from him - a Trump that she says leads to the Shadow that she
said Mum and Vivienne were in.  I hope she's right.  I'd hate to think
that I'm responsible for the imprisonment of most of my immediate family. 
More good news as well...just the fact that she was able to find it...and
the description of the man carrying the Trump, leads me to believe that
Caine is alive.  This is good.  I just hope he's not too upset with me. 
I'm going to try and visit Llewella in the morning.  I hope she can pass
an apology on for me.

	I'd considered asking Bart for advice on how to handle this (the
audience with Llewella, that is), but I figured he'd just laugh at my
ignorance.  I'm well enough liked...  I'll just have to rely on that.

	You know, I'd actually forgotten why I was so angry?  Just what
she had done that hurt so much?  Well...she's in trouble now!  I've been
reading my journal, and all the hurt is still there.  And she's in for it
now.  Stupid woman.  She should na have come back.  It wasn't a good thing
for her to do.  Me neither.

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