They were not your words to say, you cruel little slattern. They
say do not kill the messenger, but that assumes that the messenger doesn't
have her own motives. You'd no business telling...speaking the words no
parent wants to hear. "Your son has sex with other men. My father and
your son are lovers." There was no love in your heart when you spoke
those words. You were not looking to impart wisdom or understanding. You
were tying to hurt. You succeeded.
Perhaps I should thank you. Foster lies. Foster deceives.
You've illustrated that beautifully. For what purpose? To drive a wedge
between father and son? To what end? You've changed how I view my son.
Is that what you were tying to do? What has been done cannot be undone;
words, once freed from your lips, cannot be unsaid...words, once beheld by
my ears cannot be unheard... Driscoll and Foster. I cannot drive it from
my thoughts. I hope you sleep well, for I will not.
I should probably tell you in person, but I don't think I can be
around you right now. I don't think that I want to see you again. Maybe
I'm a coward. I don't know. It doesn't matter; it's not like this letter
will ever be sent. Just stay away from me and mine.
There is so much more that I wanted to say, but even now the anger
fades. Tamaryn spent most of the day watching me brood - talking when I
need to, silent when I can't. I didn't want her there, but she wouldn't
leave me alone. I've always had that problem with her, but never did it
matter more. I don't know what I'd have done if she'd not been
there...been a lot angrier, I suppose. Laughter tried to calm me, but she
was too close to the source. The only person I wanted to talk to today
was Foster, and he was the last to come.
He did come, though, and that's what is important.
It is probably best for him that he showed up so late. I wanted
to punish him - not for Driscoll, and the "thing" his marriage has
become...but for lying...for leaving me out, when I feel that I've been
left out of enough of his life as it is. Eris' revelation made it clear
that I'd get no input on Foster's life, that my opinion clearly didn't
matter. How the hell could he make a change like incorporating another
person into his marriage and not discuss it with me? Parents like to know
these things. It lets them feel involved. Then to find out that this
addition was not only a man, but the man that had raped his wife and sired
a bastard child. This only happened a few days ago, yet it seems that I'm
the only one that's upset. Again, I don't understand, but that's nothing
Laughter and Foster have accepted Driscoll into their lives. I've
no choice but to respect their wishes; I'm not enough of an arse to force
my views onto them. I wish them luck and hope they are happy. Meanwhile,
I sit confused and feeling alone, yet I only need to look up to see
Tamaryn at my door, or down the hall, concerned. She told me that Foster
was afraid of loosing me (while I'm afraid that he was never mine enough
for me to loose). We were wrong.
I hope he realizes that he's stuck with me. I would do anything
for him, if he let me. He's my son, and nothing can change that, nor
would I if it were possible. Foster, for your sake I will try to accept
Driscoll. Please forgive me my stubbornness.
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