Well, now I'm confused. Walking the Pattern; I thought that was
pretty bad. Being consigned to the surface; that was wretched. My
engagement I've come to grips with, but it could have been better timed.
This, however, is not happy making at all. All I was trying to do was to
help Lyss feel a little better about things, so I suggested that it
couldn't hurt to look for her mother. I thought that sounded a damn sight
better than letting her crawl back to Corwin's Pattern to berate herself
alone. So, fool that I am, I go into the unknown with her. It really
looked promising at first, truly. I mean, I was finally learning what I
could do, having walked the Pattern, and I was a quick study as well; she
made a great show of astonishment at the pace I was able to set. She was
even starting to feel better about herself. I could see the confidence
and purpose growing in her as we traveled. That lasted until we saw
Dara's men. We didn't know who they were, of course, not then, but they
were definitely military, and she seemed suddenly to think that we'd made
a terrible mistake. And she thinks she's stupid; it took me the rest of
the day to figure that one out. Okay, here's where the problems started.
Turns out that this Dara is also a daughter of the elusive Ariadne (or
Spider, as Lyss sometimes calls her), making her my friend's half sister.
Lyss seems nervous, suddenly, but I figure that makes her family, right?
So I accept her invitation on both of our behalves, making it a full
acceptance. Dinner changed my mind. I guess I should have known
instinctively that relatives are evil from the way Mother kept throwing me
in the closet when they dropped by. Dara keeps asking Lyss questions, and
well, she was so tense that she kept talking. By the time she was
explaining this ghost wheel, I figured that maybe that pained look wasn't
gas. So, gentleman that I am, I throw myself verbally between them. Bad
move, but what else was I going to do? All at once, Dara starts slicing
me up, right? And there's nothing that I can do about it, because there's
been no breach of etiquette, and I'll be damned if I'll be the one to put
holes in it first. So then she invites us to spend the night before we
go, and I see the look on Lyss' face, and I decline for the both of us,
we're in a terrible hurry, don't you know? This is where it gets ugly,
right here. This is the part I can't get around. This is what's going to
keep me up all Amber Day Six, even though it's only two in the blasted
morning. 'Cause this is where she comments that I could always stay with
my family, just down the way. Suddenly I think that maybe that innocent
comment at dinner about my coming to see my father was maybe not just
accidental. See, maybe she just thought I was a Chaosite on account of my
being in Lyss' company and my being in Chaos and all, but when she states
flatly where I'm supposed by her to belong, well, gods that's just sheer
malevolence, you know? So we're back in Amber, and Lyss has talked to
Ahab, and that's all cool, I guess, but now she wants to help him get this
Sand woman who blew up the castle, and I guess that I should make sure
she's not entirely suicidal about it, but all I can think is who in the
hell can I ask about my problem. That's just it. It's my problem. I'm
not supposed to have them. I'm supposed to help everyone else and
occasionally apologize and look chagrined, but I don't have the first
notion of what to do with this. I can't ask Mother. It's really none of
my business whom she sleeps with, and I'm sure that's what she'd say. And
Gant's right out. We've always just assumed he was my dad, and I'm afraid
of what this might do to our friendship. Maybe, if I live through this
fight, I should just find someone relatively harmless and ask obliquely
about House Jesby. Yeah, sure.
Other PC Diaries and
All text on this page is © 1994 by Sean Frost.
Last modified on January 12, 1999 by Kris Fazzari.