From Kris.Fazzari@um.cc.umich.edu Wed Mar 16 22:35:23 1994
Date: Wed, 16 Mar 94 14:01:08 EST
From: Kris.Fazzari@um.cc.umich.edu
To: thari@umich.edu
Subject: Ariana's Diary

Amber, year three, day 272 continued
 
Evening
 
        I spent close to an hour crying.  I'm not sure what stopped me. 
I guess I ran out of tears.  I've decided to check on Kimdyl's 
condition and then go down to dinner.  Which will necessitate the use 
of some makeup, since my face looks awful.  I don't know why I care. 
I guess I just don't want people asking what's wrong.  I don't think I 
can deal with that right now.
 
        Murine seems to be doing well, although her wound hasn't 
healed yet.  She was awake and talking to Ahab when I got there. 
Ahab was in the middle of a ridiculously flowery proposal as I 
approached, so I waited outside until he was done.  I didn't want to 
interrupt, and hearing it almost set me off again.  It wasn't that long 
ago that Mark was going to propose to me.  It seems like a lifetime 
has passed since then.  Kimdyl accepted the proposal, after making 
sure that she could have a long engagement.  I'm not sure she'll ever 
actually marry him.  She certainly is possessive though.  She 
mentioned that she couldn't marry him until all his past lovers (he 
mentioned having 30 or so) were dead.  And said the Amberite one 
might take a while.  Meaning me, I suppose.  Right now, I just don't 
care.  I walked in shortly after that and for a moment managed to 
forget my problems.  Watching Ahab change a diaper is amusing, to 
say the least.  But then he had to leave and run some errands.  I 
arranged to have some food sent up for Kimdyl and went down to 
dinner.
 
        Dinner seemed to go on forever.  Not many people were there 
and I was in no mood for company.  To be honest, all I really wanted 
was to get drunk off my ass and stay that way until the pain went 
away.  Unfortunately, this pregnancy denies me such pleasures, so I 
made do with several cups of hot chocolate.  I didn't eat much.  I 
know I have to keep my strength up, but I just couldn't force it 
down.  Vialle asked how I was doing and offered to be there if I 
needed to talk.  I wish I could talk to her, but right now, the last 
thing I want to do is open myself up to someone again.
 
        The more this day goes on, this worse things get.  Murine is 
dead.  Poor Felix.  Ahab brought the news at the end of dinner.  She 
was poisoned.  I didn't think it was possible to poison a shapeshifter, 
but Gerard says it could be done by someone who knows them well. 
Like another shapeshifter.  Ahab was afraid that Kimdyl would be a 
suspect.  I doubt it was her.  It's not her style for one thing.  They've 
been fighting for years.  If she wanted to kill Murine, she would have 
done it a long time ago.  Even if she wanted to, she hadn't even 
healed the wound in her side yet, so I don't think she was in any 
condition to sneak over to Gerard's summer house, slip the poison 
into Murine's food, and sneak back.  Besides, the nurses would have 
noticed her leave and informed Gerard, Ahab or myself.  Which 
means the assassin was either the Crown Prince of Chaos (unlikely), 
the Ambassador (certainly possible), or another shapeshifter.  I was 
going over these possibilities with Ahab when it hit me.  It has to 
have been Mark.  We're pretty sure he's a shapeshifter, and he was 
here.  I brought him here.  It was obvious that Ahab had already 
thought of this possibility, but he was too polite to say so.
 
        Given how out of touch Random has sometimes seemed, we 
decided to tell Driscoll the news, so he can pass it on to Random if 
Gerard hasn't notified him.  I think Driscoll is beginning to regret his 
position as Crown Prince.  I can't say I blame him.  Ahab headed 
back to the infirmary.  I began to follow, not wanting to be alone. 
Remaining in the dining room and listening to Eris and Rinaldo would 
have been unbearable.  Then Ahab asked me not to go with him.  I'm 
sure he blames me for what happened.  I feel so alone.  Why is Mark 
doing this?
 
        It's funny how your whole life can fall apart in only a few days. 
Felix trumped me not long ago.  I don't know where he got a trump 
of me.  It's probably the one I gave Ahab.  Obviously Ahab wants 
nothing more to do with me.  Apparently Foster believes Vetch is the 
one responsible for Murine's death.  It seems Vetch was in charge of 
the children in Chaos, and Murine knew quite a bit about him.  So he 
killed her to keep her from talking.  Given how little she and Foster 
were saying on the topic, he could have saved himself the effort.  I 
knew Foster was holding out on us.  I hope he can live with the fact 
that his knowledge might have saved his mother, if we had known 
about it earlier.  Foster also says there is another Amberite child in 
Chaos, but Felix hasn't questioned him about that yet.
 
        Mark must have been Vetch in disguise.  It's the only thing 
that makes sense.  Which means he's used me this way twice.  He has 
to die, but I must know why he's done this first.  What did I do to 
him to warrant such treatment?  And I'm carrying his child?  How do 
I explain this to her?  I can't take this!  The only thing that keeps me 
going right now is my need to make Vetch pay dearly for what he's 
done to me.  I'm almost hoping I die in the process.  It would be only 
fitting.  Certainly no one in this family would miss me.  And the pain 
would be over at last.
 
        Ahab tells me that it will require a very high psyche to 
penetrate Vetch's disguise.  Which means as many of our aunts and 
uncles as we can persuade to help us.  Fiona certainly should be 
willing to help.  After all, Vetch is the one who betrayed us to Rygat, 
allowing Rygat to set the trap where Ahab almost killed Fiona.  I 
don't care who is involved, as long as we find Vetch.  But that must 
wait until morning.  And morning is so far away.  I'd like to visit Tir-
na Nog'th, but the moon isn't right for it.  And so I lie here, wishing 
for an end to all of this.  One way or the other, it will be soon.