From Kris.Fazzari@um.cc.umich.edu Thu Jan 13 23:52:42 1994
Date: Thu, 13 Jan 94 19:01:24 EST
From: Kris.Fazzari@um.cc.umich.edu
To: thari@umich.edu
Subject: Ariana's Diary

Amber, day 137 continued
 
        I search my mind for answers, but I find only more questions. 
I have no recollection of Oberon.  Or the woman I saw with him in 
Tir-na Nog'th, who I had assumed was my mater.  I believe I would 
know if such memories had been blocked or removed, which leads 
me to the unpleasant conclusion that Dworkin may have lied to me. 
Certainly the visions I saw in Tir-na Nog'th would seem to be 
inaccurate.  In those visions, the woman I saw had brown hair and 
green eyes.  In searching my memories, I was not able to get a clear 
picture of my mater (it was more of a feeling than anything else), but 
I was able to resolve two things.  She had hazel eyes, not green like 
the vision.  And I did not trust her.  I find this disturbing to say the 
least.  What kind of early childhood did I have?  Was she my Amber 
parent?  If not, who was?  I just wish to have the matter settled once 
and for all.  Since I first learned of my Amber heritage, Eric, Bleys 
and finally Oberon have been likely candidates.  How I envy my 
other relatives.  At least they know who their parents are.  There 
must be some way to enhance my memories of my early childhood. 
Eye color alone is not enough information.  Perhaps filling myself 
with Pattern energy would help.  There must be more you can do 
with that than ward off the Logrus.  I am too tired to investigate this 
any further.  Perhaps after I have eaten and gotten some sleep, I will 
feel up to trying again.
 
        At least Mirelle was finally captured by Felix.  There was quite 
a fight in the hallway before they were able to subdue her. 
Unfortunately, I was unable to watch, since Ahab's wound required 
all of my attention at the time.  He has made a most remarkable 
recovery.  Best of all, his hearing has returned, at least in part.  His 
healing ability is truly incredible.  It is probably the only reason he 
has lived this long.
 
        Brand looks to be in for a painful recovery.  In order to realign 
Brand's spine, Gerard used a procedure which I have never seen 
before.  He placed a set of screws in Brand's head, another set in each 
of his femurs.  This done, he used a strange apparatus to raise and 
straighten Brand's body, by lifting and pulling on the screws.  Brand 
was most unhappy about the whole procedure, but it is better than 
being paralyzed for the rest of his life.  I am sure that if Jasra keeps 
remaining at his bedside, he will make a most rapid recovery.
 
Late evening in Amber
 
        We are finally taking the fight to Rygat!  Random gathered the 
younger generation together to ask our assistance.  I am glad to be 
taking action, but I am not pleased at how Random chose to inform 
us.  Rather than send pages to gather us, he apparently trumped each 
of us individually.  Given what Rygat did to him via trump, he should 
not have been surprised that I chose not to answer the call.  So he 
had Heather do it instead.  Now I know how Eric felt when I helped 
Ahab force a contact with him.  I had rather hoped that I was strong 
enough to resist her for long enough to find help.  This makes me 
suspect that Rygat could break through before I even knew what 
was happening.  There must be some way to resist unwanted trump 
calls.  How does Felix do it?  And Mirelle?  Something I shall have to 
investigate, when I have the time.  Again, I wonder if using Pattern 
energy would have helped?  Possibly, assuming I could spare the 
effort to try.  It is not something that I care to have opportunity to 
test too often.
 
        It seems Random was miffed at my refusing his call, for he had 
me walk to his quarters, rather then come through the contact.  And 
then he was upset with me for arriving late.  Well, if it was urgent, 
he should have allowed me to come through.  Otherwise, he should 
have sent pages for us in the first place.  I am not some servant to be 
ordered around.  This is exactly what I have always disliked about 
monarchies in the first place.
 
        I am a bit suspicious of Random's plan.  He would not tell us 
the details, only that we were to guard Heather with our lives, if 
necessary.  When I asked him what we would be dying for, he said 
that the overall plan must be kept secret, lest Rygat pick it out of our 
brains.  Of course.  And she could not pick it out of Heather's?  I do 
not like dying without knowing what it is I am giving my life for. 
Random did eventually clarify that it was an artifact in Heather's 
possession that needed to be protected.  A rather important detail to 
leave out.  What if she was knocked unconscious and we took her but 
left the artifact behind, thinking that her presence was the only 
necessary ingredient to fulfill the plan?  Keeping your troops 
completely in the dark leaves them almost useless should events not 
go as planned.  Then Random decided to give the artifact to Bleys 
instead of Heather.  Has he thought through this plan of his at all?  If 
he is still changing elements like that, then I worry about the plan as 
a whole.  It does not make sense.  But then again, neither does 
entrusting something supposedly this important to us.  Shard, Felix 
and Ahab are certainly capable fighters, and I am sure Bleys puts all 
of us to shame, but if this is so important, why not send Benedict?  Or 
Eric?  Or Caine?  Why do I have the feeling that we are to serve as a 
distraction while the real attack is made?
 
        I managed to make a peace of sorts with Heather.  She seems to 
think it is due to our possible impending demise.  I do not 
understand why she thinks death would make me wish to clear the 
air between us, if that were not already something I desired.  She did 
not react at all, but I have come to expect that from her.  At least she 
has agreed to start over.  The attempt cannot hurt.  Who knows, 
perhaps some good may eventually come of it.
 
        Merlin made an appearance as Heather and I finished talking. 
He was curious about what we were doing there.  When we 
pretended ignorance, he suddenly expressed an interest in sharing 
my bed again.  Not that I objected, but it made me a bit suspicious. 
After all, there have been several other nights when he could have 
sought me out.  Given the way he kept questioning me as we made 
love, I feel my suspicious were justified.  Not that I was above letting 
him try to pleasure the information out of me.  But if Random did not 
choose to share his plans with his own son, I did not feel it wise to do 
so.  I suppose Random could have sent him to test whether I would 
keep silent, but that is not something I would expect of Random.  If 
that is the case, I am disappointed in him.  At any rate, I hope Martin 
does not take my silence personally.  I will have to make it up to him 
when I return.  Assuming I survive.