From Kris.Fazzari@um.cc.umich.edu Tue Jan 4 16:02:28 1994 Date: Tue, 4 Jan 94 15:56:48 EST From: Kris.Fazzari@um.cc.umich.edu To: thari@umich.edu Subject: Ariana's Diary Early morning in Amber, day 137 I was so close! I finally had the chance to learn why I was abandoned in shadow, and I ran out of time! It is so frustrating to know that I almost had the answer to the question that has been haunting me since I first learned that I was a foundling. If only Felix had not taken so long. I suppose I should be grateful he was there at all. Apparently the only way to interact with the spirits in Tir-na Nog'th, or even to hear what they are saying, is to have a Pattern sword in your possession. Since there are only two that I know of, this makes obtaining one rather dicey. I am not sure how Felix persuaded Brand to let him borrow Werewindle. I suppose that it is possible that any sort of Pattern artifact will do, but there are not many of those around, either. If only there had been more time! At least I was able to see my mater. I obviously take after her in appearance. She was about the same height as I, and shared the same brown hair and green eyes. Unfortunately, I also learned that she no longer lives. I had expected as much, but it is still disappointing to have it confirmed. The biggest surprise for me is that I seem to have been born in Amber, or at least spent some of my early years here. I had assumed that I was born in the shadow I was raised in. It seemed the likeliest explanation for no one recognizing me when I first appeared in Amber. Now I know that Oberon did recognize me, but he chose not to say anything. I wish I understood why. When I asked his shade for an explanation, he simply said he felt it was for the best. He was willing to let me wonder for the rest of my life! The truth, no matter how bad, is better than not knowing! I asked why he left me in shadow, but he said it would take a while to explain. And I had no time. He was also unwilling to explain in front of Felix, which I can understand. After all, Felix has made it quite plain that he does not trust me, so why should I trust him? Next time, I shall endeavor not to have an audience. What puzzles me is why I have no recollection at all of my early years in Amber. Was I simply too young? Or were they blocked somehow? Perhaps the memories are still there, but buried away. I intend to find out. I have often examined other people's minds for information that I desired. Perhaps it is time to turn my talents on myself. Felix did learn some very interesting information. It seems that Rygat and Dworkin were lovers. She apparently married Oberon in an effort to make Dworkin jealous. It is hard to say if she succeeded or not, but I doubt it turned out the way she intended. Oberon apparently killed two of Rygat's sons, Osric and Finndo. I vaguely recall seeing their trumps among those Mirelle told me were dead. What did they do that drove their own pater to kill them? The only ones left alive who know are Dworkin and Rygat. And possibly Benedict. None of whom I feel inclined to question. Assuming, of course, that Fiona was right about Dworkin not being dead. At least I understand why Rygat was so angry with Dworkin. When she confronted him, they wound up fighting a sorcerous duel. We left before the end, but I assume Dworkin was the victor. Random has recovered quite nicely, and was able to hear our news. The Chaos sorceress has returned, and has offered to assist us against Rygat. It seems that Rygat had altered her mind to gain her loyalty, and she is none too happy about that. She even offered to let Ahab kill her, to atone for her actions. I do not think Ahab quite knew what to make of that. Kimdyl indicated that Heather may be responsible for freeing her from Rygat's influence. I feel somewhat badly for confronting Heather in the infirmary, but if she had bothered to explain what she was doing, I would have left her alone. Benedict is also back, apparently due to some rescue effort. Yesterday certainly was a day for odd occurrences. First we could not get into the Patter room, since someone had locked themselves in. Ahab and I obtained Felix's help to break in, but found no one inside. They could not have been gone long, however, since there was still food on the table. There was this cheese and tomato concoction that was quite tasty, along with some wine. Having finished our search of the room, Ahab went to walk the Pattern, but Felix stopped him and said it was dangerous. He refused to say why in front of me, but whatever he told Ahab convinced him not to try. I do not understand why Felix is so suspicious of me. He is one of the only people who knows the truth about my parentage, the only secret I really have, but he treats me more like a Chaosite than a relative. At least I was able to persuade Shard to loan me his trump sketch of me. I had thought that he might have lost it. He was conveniently waiting when we returned from Tir-na Nog'th, although I am not sure why he was there. Now I can give it to whomever I choose to assist me on my next trip to Tir-na Nog'th. I suspect it will be Ahab, if he agrees. I would rather not share the truth of my parentage with anyone new, which means it will have to be either Ahab or Felix, and Felix's recent behavior does not make me willing to risk his learning any more than he already knows. The only amusement so far today was provided by Shard. Ahab asked me to examine his mind, to make sure Gramble had not made any changes to it. I asked him if he wished me to do it now, while we were still on Kolvir, or wait until we were back in Amber. I believe Shard thought we were discussing where we were going to have sex, and he left in a hurry. One small amusement, and I suspect it will be the only one. At least with Benedict's return and Random's recovery, we may begin to bring the fight back to Rygat. I am looking forward to ending this war.