Vetchways, year nine, day 304 (Saturday, July 1)

Morning

	There was a note in the bed this morning.  From Shard.  How did he
get in here when the doors and windows were locked?  And beyond that, how
did he get into the Ways at all?  Riftvan told me once that they were
safer even than Amber.  Then again, he probably didn't have vampires in
mind when he designed the defenses.  Why didn't I sense Shard, though?  If
I feel the way I do whenever I'm close to him, I should have felt
something when he entered the room.  I don't know.  The note...  The note
worries me.  It was a poem, or a lyric, I'm not certain which.  Under
other circumstances, it would probably be romantic, but...  I didn't want
this.  I knew it couldn't just end, but I had hoped...  Can he have been
in love with me even before he became a vampire?  I never noticed such a
thing, but the words he wrote seem to imply otherwise.  Surely I would
have noticed.  Wouldn't I?  What am I going to do?  I wish Riftvan wasn't
away.  I feel so very alone, right now.

	I cannot transfuse myself, and the bite is proving difficult to
heal.  Is it because of the nature of the wound?  This makes no sense.  It
is a simple wound.  I must be able to heal it.  I must.

Afternoon

	I passed out from my efforts, but there appears to be nothing to
show for them.  The wound will not heal in this manner.  I can only hope
that it will heal on its own, over time.  I'll have to apologize to
Nicholas for missing our lesson.  I was in no shape to spar this morning,
low on blood and as sore as I am.  It is somewhat frightening how I felt
no pain at the time, despite the fact that I should have.  The pain only
came afterward.  Why is that?  At least there is no outward sign of what
happened, and no one seemed to think it odd that I missed breakfast. 
Mother thinks I was with Riftvan last night, and that he tired me out.  Oh
gods, if only that were the truth.  I didn't correct her.  She might have
been concerned about the cause of my exhaustion if I had.  Besides, the
fewer people that know that Riftvan is gone, the better.  I hope he's all
right.  He must be all right.  I cannot allow myself to think otherwise.

Amber

	I suppose it is fortunate that I arrived in Amber when I did.  I
doubt anyone would have contacted me to ask for my assistance, otherwise. 
Now that I no longer live in Amber, it's like I've ceased to exist for
those here, sometimes.  And without the help of both Felix and myself, I'm
not sure Meander would have survived.  I wonder why Gerard wasn't
summoned?  We could have used a third hand, especially given that Nicholas
was injured as well.  There was also a pregnant woman hurt, but not as
seriously as the other two.  Why was she attacked, anyway?  Whose child is
she carrying?  It must be one of the family, otherwise why would Dara go
after her?  It wouldn't have been so bad if the assassins hadn't used
Takaran blades.  Damn those cursed weapons.  There must be a way to heal
their damage.  I have hopes that true healing magic will be able to do so. 
If only I was through with my lessons.

	In the final count, Nimue was injured as well, although not
seriously.  And lastly, Foster.  His wounds, at least, were all internal,
and none caused by Takaran weapons, so at least I could heal him with my
magic.  Thank the gods that the children appear to be safe.  I was worried
when I realized that two of the targets were pregnant women, and they went
after Lavender's children as well.  If they were going after pregnant
Amberites, why wasn't I attacked?  Or Fiona?  Perhaps they only went after
those who live in Amber.  Were any of my new aunts attacked?  I don't
know.  I suppose Dara may have simply been trying to eliminate Ahab's
line, since Ahab was attacked as well.  But Nicholas was not.  He was
injured while protecting Beauty.  Why keep him alive?  And what happened
to Felix, anyway?  I haven't seen a burn that bad in quite some time, and
it appeared to cover the entire front of his body, judging by how he
moved.  What is going on here?  Perhaps I can get some of the story from
Lavender.  But not until tomorrow.  Right now, I want to get back to the
children.  After what's happened, I'll just feel better being near them,
and I don't want to be in Amber after dark.  Not after what happened last
night.  It's too soon.  What if I encountered him accidentally?  I fear
what he might do, and, even more, I fear what I might do.  It would be
best for all concerned if I do not take that chance.

Vetchways

Evening

	Watching the children play is calming, in a way.  It's almost like
the past 24 hours never happened.  Almost.  I'm so dreadfully tired,
though.  I imagine I'd be worse if I'd actually been able to heal more of
the injuries, but...  I think I'll sleep in the nursery, tonight.  Just in
case.  Nothing will probably happen, but I'll sleep better knowing I'm
close to them.  And there's nothing to be gained by locking myself away in
my room.  It didn't stop Shard last night, after all.  Besides, he's
unlikely to return.  Or so I pray.  Why did he come here last night,
though, especially after what had just happened between us?  I'm afraid of
what the answer might be.  I wish Riftvan was here.

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