Vetchways, year nine, day 262 continued

	What a marvelous idea!  I like the way Viktoria's mind works.  If
all goes well, Foster will soon have reason to regret it, however.  I
almost wish I could be there to see his reaction.

	So that is why Riftvan can't go.  I had no idea there was a law
prohibiting him from acknowledging their existence.  Prohibiting anyone in
the house from doing so, actually.  Speaking with Tamaryn the way I have,
and participating so prominently in this wedding, surely these things
violate the law?  Why didn't he mention this to me when we were discussing
the matter?  And why hasn't he ordered me to stop?  Not that I would. 
Perhaps that is why.  He knows I will not sever my ties with them, and, so
long as he does not inform me of the law, such a confrontation need not
take place, and my actions can be blamed on my ignorance of the law. 
Which means I can't tell him directly that I know of it, although surely
he will suspect soon enough.  It's all so incredibly foolish, though. 
Yes, it is a house law, but he is the Head of this House.  He can change
the law whenever he chooses.  So why hasn't he?  Is it because he still
hasn't forgiven Tamaryn, or he doesn't want to go against tradition?  I
don't know.  All I know is that things can't continue like this forever. 
I will not stop talking to Tamaryn and Foster, and eventually someone is
going to make an issue of this.

	Now why in the name of all the gods did Riftvan find that so
significant?  I would have assumed he knew it, anyway.  It's not like I've
hidden it, although it's also not a topic which has come up too often.  He
has the most amazing holes in his information, sometimes, especially given
how good it normally is.  It's not like he couldn't have just asked me
about it, anyway.  Now I sit here wondering what he's up to.  I just wish
he had explained why it meant so much to him.

	The "training" was strenuous indeed, somewhat more so than I was
expecting.  I wonder what is troubling him?  I hope it is not what I told
him earlier.  Or the meeting with Ahab.  No, I think he was upset before
that, although he hid it well.  Regardless of his mood, he has taught me
some rather enlightening things, this night.  I have often felt that there
must be much I do not know about the power of the mind, and I certainly
have no objections to his methods of instruction.  I am rather glad that
Ahab did not detail much of his plans to me, though, and that I did not
press him for such detail.  I thought I had hidden my relief rather well,
but I guess there is little I can hide from Riftvan, in the end.  And,
when the meeting turned out so well, after how it might have ended, I
could not avoid feeling very relieved indeed.  I still cannot believe that
Ahab is going to give Morgan a Pattern sword.  Morgan's possession of such
a weapon certainly will be useful to him in the Courts.  Assuming he lives
long enough to wield it.  Gods, I don't even want to think about that.

Amber, year nine, day 263 (Sunday, May 21, 2994)

Morning

	I should have known Lavender had something to do with it.  Why
does she want Riftvan to be there so badly, when it is clearly something
he does not wish to do?  Does she really want anyone at her wedding
against their will?  What sort of enjoyment would that bring?  They are
both so stubborn, in their own ways...

	For once I find myself grateful for the fact that I no longer
reside in the castle.  Gerard apparently put on quite the drunken song
recital early this morning, if the brief bit I heard from Ahab is any
indication.  Fortunately, I managed to cut off the rest, without even
breaking the contact.  I felt a little surprised when it actually worked. 
Practicing with Riftvan hardly counts, since I doubt I could shut him out
of my mind if he was truly determined not to go.  Ahab didn't seem to
mind, though.  I broached the matter of Driscoll to him, and he said he'd
arrange for him to be suitably distracted tonight.  The man really does
need to get over Lavender.  You would think, after all this time that
she's been with Foster, he would have moved on.  If being around her is
too painful a reminder, then what is he still doing in Amber?  Shadow is
certainly wide enough for him to lose himself in it until he gets over
this.

	I can't believe Lavender was going to wear that awful high-necked
dress.  What was she thinking?  When she walks down that aisle, every man
is supposed to see her and wish they were Foster.  How can that happen if
she covers herself up from head to toe?  Silly girl.  Fortunately,
Viktoria and I were able to make her see reason.  Foster is going to go
nuts when he sees her in that dress, especially after his night with the
four Lavenders.

	I'm beginning to wonder if it has truly sunk into Lavender's head
that she is getting married tomorrow.  She hadn't even thought about the
ring, and she was acting as though she'd be fencing with Nicholas again
the morning after her wedding.  I don't care if they have been handfasted
for almost a year, I doubt Foster would appreciate her hurrying off in the
morning to go fence with an eight-year old boy.  I certainly hope they
don't remain here for their honeymoon.

Vetchways

Afternoon

	I thought about having lunch with Mother today, but things are
just too busy, and tomorrow isn't going to be any better, what with the
final wedding preparations and all.  The day after should work, though.  I
haven't had an opportunity to speak to her since her wedding, and I want
to make sure that she's happy.  If anyone could be, married to that man.

	To think that, somewhere in Chaos, there is someone who looks much
like me.  Well, at least as much as Chameleon resembles Driscoll. 
Chameleon...  To think he had such an affect on the outcome of the war. 
House Hendrake must hate him indeed.  And, if what Riftvan says is true,
then he has been rather poorly used.  Still, I don't feel too much
sympathy for him.  Even if he was ordered to do what he did, it was still
cruel and malicious, and following orders does not excuse him from all the
blame.  It just spreads the blame around a little.

Rebma

Evening

	The play is simply wonderful.  I wish all plays were as
entertaining.  Lavender seems delighted by it, so it's achieved the
desired affect.  Beauty, on the other hand...  I fear those years she
spent with Caitt have left a large mark on her spirit, one that will be
difficult to erase.

Rebma, year nine, day 264 (Monday, May 22, 2994)

Early morning

	I find myself sorely tempted, right now.  This massage technique
used by the Rebmans is quite effective, I must admit, and there is a good
part of me that wishes to continue this, on a more...intimate level.  I
do not wish to break my vows to Riftvan, but he did say he'd be willing to
wager money that any man I slept with would be him.  So, if that is true,
then this man could be him now.  Should be him, if I choose to go further. 
But what if he is not?  How could Riftvan possibly know when I choose to
sleep with another man, and then take their place without my noticing?  He
cannot be following me all the time.  It's impossible.  At least it must
be.  But, if anyone could do it, it would be him.  He did manage it when I
was out in Shadow, after all.  But, if I am wrong, I will have broken my
vows, without even meaning to.  I wish I could be certain.

	It was the eyes that decided me, in the end.  In all of the forms
that I remember knowing him, his eyes have been blue.  It is a silly thing
for me to base my decision on, to be sure, for I know he is fully capable
of changing his eye color, but...  I think, if it was him, and he wanted
me to know it, the eyes would have been blue.  But they were brown.  A
lovely brown, to be sure, framed by such gorgeous green hair...  I wish
Riftvan were here.

Vetchways

	Where can he be?  I wasn't expecting to find an empty bed when I
returned.  Could he have been in Rebma after all?  Did I spend all those
hours restraining myself for nothing?  Gods, I am a fool!  I know how to
tell where he is rather easily.  I think I will return to Rebma before I
try to find him, however.  There's no one here, after all, and I wouldn't
mind another massage.

	What can have called him away at so late an hour, and angered him
so greatly?  It cannot be Lavender this time.  I left when she did, and
she was returning to Foil.  I doubt she would have disturbed him at this
hour to harass him further, and there simply wasn't enough time for her to
do so.  Whatever it is, he is in no mood to speak of it.  I only hope I
was able to ease his pain, to some extent, or at least distract him from
it.  He was so tense that I feared he would never fall asleep.  What can
have upset him so?  I'm almost afraid to learn the answer.

Morning

	I don't think Driscoll had been planning to go to the wedding
before I contacted him.  But he didn't refuse my request that he act as my
escort, so now he has no choice in the matter.  It is for the best.  He,
more than anyone, needs to be there, to face the fact that Lavender is
lost to him, and that he needs to get on with his life.  My only concern
is that he will do or say something rash at the wedding.  I understand
that Amber ceremonies have a part where objections are asked for.  Well,
he won't be making any, I will make certain of that.

	This whole business of needing an escort still annoys me, though. 
Men don't need one in Chaos, of course, but us poor, frail women need a
man there to protect us.  Even if we can outfight the man.  What crap.  I
was tempted to ignore the whole idea, seeing as how it's not a requirement
in Amber.  But, if it ever got back to Chaos, it would give me the
reputation of being brash and uncontrollable.  Which I am, but that's
beside the point.  I really don't care what my reputation is in Chaos, but
I would like to avoid harming Riftvan's, at least not for something as
stupid as this.

	He's going to the wedding after all.  Why?  Well, to kill someone,
from the looks of it, but I know he would never have voluntarily chosen
the wedding as the place to do so.  I have the sinking feeling that this
is somehow Lavender's doing.

Amber

Afternoon

	Gods above, what was Lavender thinking?  Why must she be so
persistent?  Neither she nor I could convince Riftvan to attend her
wedding, and even her hint that she might force him to do so angered him
greatly.  To ask Mandor to order Riftvan to go...  What sort of excuse did
she think Mandor would create for an assassin?  She still has not made
that connection, and I did not have the heart to tell her.  This is her
wedding day, after all, and she should be happy.  She will understand soon
enough, when the deed is done.  I wonder who it will be?  I pray it is no
one I know.  And I hope that Riftvan's anger will not outlast the wedding. 
I hate seeing him this way.

Evening

	Poor Foster looks to be suffering terribly.  I guess that
everything went off as planned at the bachelor party.  I don't think he's
going to be able to make it through the reception, though.  I'm not even
sure he'll make it through the ceremony.  I wonder where Riftvan is?  I do
not see him in the crowd.  Which is probably just as well.  I do see my
escort though, and I must admit he looks extremely fine dressed the way he
is.  If I had not met Riftvan, I wonder what might have happened between
us?  Probably nothing, given his infatuation with Lavender, but it would
have been fun to try.

	I knew Foster wouldn't make it through the reception, especially
not after the way he kissed Lavender at the end of the ceremony.  Lavender
did something to calm him down until that point, though.  I wonder what it
was?  I'll have to ask her, sometime.  I'm just happy that the ceremony
went off without any problems, and they are married at last.  I hope they
are always happy.

	I wasn't expecting to see Riftvan here in his true form.  He left
Vetchways disguised, and I thought he would pass the whole wedding in that
guise.  I do not know why he didn't.  Perhaps protocol, or Mandor's
orders.  Whatever the reason, I feel for him, and for Foster and Tamaryn. 
Nothing good can come of forcing him to be here.  At least Lavender's move
spared him from having to openly ignore Foster, but it was all rather
awkward.  I hope Lavender found it worth the trouble it has caused.  And
may yet cause.  Riftvan left something with me as he passed, and it feels
much like the blade I saw him hide up his sleeve when he left this
afternoon.  Has the deed already been done then, and I am to hide the
murder weapon?  Or am I holding it until he needs it?  Either way, I have
become more of a participant in this affair than I like.

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