Amber, year nine, day 260 continued

	Poor Darby.  Bartholomew was so distraught over Lyss, that he left
the child behind.  What saddens me is that Darby didn't even seem
surprised.  I wonder how often this happens to him?  I get the feeling
it's more frequently than it should.  Lyss seemed rather upset, and it was
hardly her fault this time, but still, no child should feel that
neglected.

	The party continues, but I no longer feel like celebrating. 
Corwin is dead.  No wonder Ahab took off so quickly.  I feel rather numb. 
We were never very close, not the way Ahab, Lavender and I are.  Losing
either of them would strike me to the very core of my soul.  Or what's
left of it.  But I fought beside Corwin at Patternfall, and I was there
when he declined the throne.  He was a comrade-in-arms, and I respected
him, and liked him better than many of my other relatives.  It seems
unjust that he should die because of a position that he neither sought nor
desired.  Another reason to wish that Oberon had never returned.

	How must Ahab feel about this?  He may not have known that Corwin
was his father until late in life, and I don't think they shared the same
bond that Ahab does with Deirdre, but I think there was something there. 
Mirelle is no more a mother to me than Corwin was a father to Ahab, but it
would hurt all the same if she died.  I wish there was something I could
do to help.  At least Riftvan doesn't think that anyone from his house was
responsible for the deed, but the comfort I derive from that knowledge is
small indeed, right now.

Amber, year nine, day 261 (Friday, May 19, 2994)

Morning

	I don't know what Lavender was thinking this morning, anyway.  I'm
not going to risk miscarrying this child while being tossed around.  How
fortunate that Felix chose to walk in at that point.  I swear, he and
Lavender have the oddest conversations, sometimes.  Nipple rings?  Why in
Darnalor's name would they have been discussing that?  It isn't the sort
of thing that Felix normally tends to go in for.  Well, whatever the
reason, it certainly gave me a good laugh, and I definitely needed one.

Afternoon

	It was good to talk to Kira again.  I'm afraid of losing touch
with her, now that I reside so far away from Amber.  I still miss having
her around.  Anne is nice, but we've never developed the same sort of bond
that Kira and I shared.  Maybe it's because Anne is more of a cook and a
nanny for the children than my personal servant.  Or maybe it's because
I'm married now, and more of my time is occupied with my family.  I just
can't talk to her the way I can to Kira.  Kira, at least, would argue with
me when she thought I was doing something stupid.

	Someone has sped up time in the Shadow where Usires was raised. 
His story bears much similarity to what happened to Hellena when I first
came to Amber.  I cannot conceive of why anyone would wish to do that to
his home, any more than I have understood why it was done to mine.  What
could someone hope to accomplish by severing us from our home and friends? 
To drive us closer to Amber?  I must admit, I would not have abandoned my
home so thoroughly if everyone I had known there had not died long before
I returned.  It left Amber as the only home I had to go back to, after I
finished medical school.  Perhaps Caine was responsible for speeding up
Rimmersgard, in an effort to make sure that Usires views Amber as his
home.  I would not put it past the man.  I wonder if I will ever know who
was responsible for what happened to Hellena?  I haven't thought about it
in quite a while.  Had things been left alone there, I would have been
able to show Jalana her namesake...  It still hurts to be reminded of it.

Vetchways

Evening

	I wasn't expecting Riftvan to offer that.  Kill Oberon?  It was
stupid of me, really.  If anyone is capable of doing it, Riftvan would be
the one.  He is the Head of a house that specializes in assassination,
after all.  A fact that was brought pointedly home by Ahab's little gift. 
Fortunately, the man did not succeed, but my greatest fear is that one day
I won't be so lucky, and someone I care about will be killed by one of
Riftvan's people.  I'd like to think that won't happen.  Riftvan knows
what that would do to me, and I think he loves me enough not to put me
through that, if he can.  But I also know that if Gramble orders it, he
would do it.  Jalana's betrothal made that quite clear.  I try not to
think about it too much, as there's nothing I can do about it.  If it ever
happens, I will be honor bound to find the killer, and repay the favor. 
And if the killer is Riftvan?  That question haunts my dreams, sometimes.

	Riftvan's offer is what fills my thoughts now, though.  All I had
to do was say yes, and I have no doubt that Oberon would have died. 
Having that sort of power in my hands, the power to cause two deaths (for
the one framed for the assassination would surely die as well),
unleashable with just a word, frightens me.  It's too much like what I
felt in Kalevala.  Tamaryn once suggested, when we were discussing Uma's
death, that some events happen for a reason.  Perhaps her death was meant
to prepare me for this, to show me the consequences of killing without
pausing to think through the consequences.  Much as I wish Oberon dead,
for all the things he's done, the consequences of his death are not to be
taken lightly.  Perhaps if Corwin were still alive...  But he is not, and
Oberon's death would place Ahab on the throne.  Which would be more
advantageous to me than having Oberon there, but certainly not in Amber's
best interests.  I think Ahab will make a good king, but he is only
recently the Crown Prince.  The more time he has to prepare, the better he
will be when the time comes.  To have him come to the throne now could be
disastrous, with a war so recently ended, and many still alive who bear
Amber ill will.  Oberon's death, and his replacement with a man who is so
young, is bound to be seen as an opportunity by them.  And, despite my
technical status as a Chaosite, my loyalty still lies with Amber, if not
her current king.  I will not commission an action that will hurt Amber
so, even if it would save my daughter from having to marry Caine.  I'm
sorry, Jalana, but I can't put Amber in such a position of weakness, and I
can't allow someone innocent of the deed to die for it.  I will find
another way to free you.

	I wasn't really surprised to learn that Dara is likely the one
behind the attack on Ahab.  I knew we couldn't have seen the last of her. 
It seems that she and Dalt were lovers, and she's not exactly pleased with
Ahab for his role as Dalt's executioner.  Seems to me, she ought to be
going after the man who ordered the execution first, if she really wants
revenge.  The question is, was she behind Corwin's death as well?  It
seems likely.  Maybe part of her revenge on Oberon is killing all of his
heirs.  Which means it's not only Ahab who's likely at risk.  I must warn
Ahab of this, and of the danger to Oberon, as well.

Amber, year nine, day 262 (Saturday, May 20, 2994)

Morning

	My fears were realized this morning, with the attempt on Nicholas. 
This has to stop, and soon.  No matter how good Ariadne and her Hellmaid
bodyguards are, all an assassin needs is just one brief mistake, one
slight distraction...  We must stop this at the source.  Ahab wishes to
meet with Riftvan, to discuss just that.  It won't stop Dara from hiring
more assassins, but it will certainly shrink the available talent pool. 
Still, it will only be a stopgap.  In order to truly end this, we must
stop Dara.  Somehow.

Afternoon

	Lavender and Foster are finally going to be married.  A pity it
has to be so soon, but there should be enough time for what I have
planned.  I intend to give Lavender a send-off to remember.  With luck,
it should rival the one Julian gave to Ahab.  With all of the terrible
things that have been happening, what with the arranged marriages, and
Corwin's death, and the attempts on Ahab and Nicholas, we could use some
joy.  I'm going to need some assistance to get this all pulled together by
tomorrow night, though.  I'll bet Bleys' new bride has a good mind for
this sort of thing.

	I rather like Viktoria.  She is very much like I was, when I was
her age.  Was that only 16 years ago?  It feels so much longer, somehow. 
Anyway, I hope we can become friends.  I know well how lonely it must be
for her to find herself living in a strange place.  I'm glad I choose to
ask for her help with this.  I wonder if Lavender suspects what she's in
for?

Vetchways

Evening

	I should have known that he wouldn't go.  Not given how Foster
left his house, and Tamaryn's presence at the wedding.  He can be so
stubbornly prideful, sometimes.  Tamaryn was at Flora's wedding, after
all, and that didn't stop him from attending.  I know he's trying, and he
needs time, but I don't understand why this is so difficult.

	So much hinges on this meeting between Riftvan and Ahab.  If
Riftvan will agree to what Ahab asks, I will be very happy, indeed.  But I
am worried that things won't turn out so well.  Ahab claims to have many
"sticks" with which to convince Riftvan to do as he asks, if his more
pleasant offers fail.  Given the dislike that Ahab has for Riftvan, I fear
that he may move onto his threats too quickly, and if he begins
threatening to harm our children...  Bluff or no, such threats are never a
wise move.  Gods, I pray things do not reach such a point.  Surely Riftvan
will do what Ahab is requesting.  Even if he doesn't care what happens to
Kimdyl and Nicholas (and I think he does), he cannot ignore the advantage
gained by having the Crown Prince of Amber owing him such a favor.

	Well, it was a good thought.  I suppose, given that he can destroy
Trumps, I shouldn't be surprised that he destroyed hers.  I recall quite
clearly how furious he was that night.  I shudder to think of what else he
may have done during the year it took him to calm down enough to face me. 
It is apparent that even that year was not long enough for him to forgive
Tamaryn.  I wish I understood what it is that she did that infuriates him
so.  It must be tied into her leaving the house, but just the act of
leaving shouldn't have angered him this much.  Was it something that she
did while they were fighting?  What was said while she held that dagger to
his throat?  I cannot ask, not until he is ready to talk about it.  But my
heart aches to see them both this way.  I hope it does not take him too
long to be able to face her.  Until then, though, I guess I understand why
he cannot attend the wedding, no matter how much Lavender and I may wish
it.

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