Discworld, year nine, day 250

Early morning

	The spell progresses far more rapidly than I had expected.  I
should be finished in another day or so.  It's really quite amazing. 
Perhaps I should stay here for a little while, at least until I've
finished all of the spells that I want to work on.  Assuming that the time
flow here is close to that of Amber, of course.

	It appears that I can sense the presence of vampires other than
Shard.  This disturbs me.  At least before, I could convince myself that
it was just a side effect of feeding Shard, but why should I be able to
sense others, ones that I've never fed?  I don't know.  I feel like I'm
walking in the dark along the edge of an abyss, and I'm afraid I'm going
to misstep.

	The good news, is that we've found Alex.  The bad news, is that
his body appears to have been possessed by some wizard by the name of
Reeshau.  I do not know how this happened, nor how to reverse it.  If it
can be reversed.  Alex has been wearing a Spikard of late, and if that was
responsible for this possession, it's not anything I can help with.  I
wonder if this Reeshau will be any less annoying than Alex?  One can hope.

Morning

	That went surprisingly smoothly.  Looks Twice and his group got
themselves into some trouble, but they seem to have gotten away safely. 
And we succeeded in our attempt to buy Driscoll.  It cost more money than
I expected, but we pulled it off, thanks to some last minute conjuring. 
It seems ironic that I used the skill that Driscoll taught me so recently
to save him.  Driscoll will not be happy once he regains his senses.  I
imagine that he will find the way they dressed him rather humiliating.  I
can't say the sight was unpleasant, though, and, best of all, we got to
hear him sing.  I wish he would sing more often.  He has such a beautiful
voice...  I've often been told that I have a good singing voice - I guess
I inherited that from Mother - but compared to Driscoll, it is nothing. 
He has such an amazing gift.  I wonder why uses it so rarely?

	Of all of the stupid, careless, idiotic, thoughtless things she
could have done!  I'm so angry, I can hardly see straight!  All the
planning that we did to retrieve Driscoll, without drawing attention to
ourselves, and Lavender goes and casts a spell against the slavers!  Did
it ever occur to her that in a magic-heavy Shadow like this, they are
bound to have ways to trace such things?  Did she even stop to think at
all?  Now we have to go back and rescue her, and she's going to be much
harder to retrieve then Driscoll was.  I understand why she did what she
did, but why, in the name of all the gods, couldn't she have waited until
we were leaving this Shadow?

	All right, I'm feeling somewhat calmer now.  It was still an
incredibly stupid thing to do, but what's done is done.  Being angry
doesn't accomplish anything, except, perhaps, to cover how worried I am.  At
least there's a chance that we may be able to save her, if the information
that is blocked in Driscoll's mind is sufficient.  And provided we reach
the city in time.  Otherwise, I fear what they will do to her in
punishment.  Ahab wants to wreak havoc upon this place, and I will be
right there with him if they kill her.

Afternoon

	Oberon is back.  It seems so unreal.  I wonder if, perhaps, I
imagined the whole conversation with Bart?  How can Oberon be back?  He
died redrawing the Pattern.  Or at least that's what I was told.  I was
fighting my way towards Chaos when it happened.  Where has he been all of
this time?  And what did he do when he returned?  All Bart knows is that
he beat up Gerard.  I didn't think anyone could do that!  I am worried
about Riftvan and the children.  I do not know much about Oberon, having
only met him that one, brief time, but I do not think he is fond of
Chaosites, and I'm sure that he holds little warmth for his ex-wife's twin
brother.  I hope Riftvan is all right.  He must be.

	Lavender owes me for this one.  Or Laughter, or whatever the hell
she wants to be called now.  She injured the slavers rather severely, and
I can't say it was a healing I enjoyed.  I am finding that is difficult to
heal those I care little for, and I care little for these people, who took
Driscoll prisoner, and would mutilate my friend.  At least I was able to
heal them without utterly exhausting myself, but I am still very tired,
and sick now, as well.  It's been too long since I've eaten.  I truly hope
Lavender has learned to at least think things through more carefully.  If
not, I fear that one day she will lose far more than just a toe.

	Lavender doesn't seem to know what to make of Ariel.  Neither do
I, for that matter.  I wonder why Bart gave her Lavender's form?  Don't
tell me that he wants her, too?  Is there any man in this family that
isn't attracted to her?  How does she do it?

	Two weeks!  I've been away from them for two weeks!  I never would
have agreed to come here, if I'd known I would be separated from the
children for so long.  I miss them terribly.  Curse Oberon for returning
now.  Why couldn't he have waited until we were back in Amber?  He's been
dead for years, what would a few more days have hurt him?  And to attack
Riftvan like that, in front of the children?  They must have been
frightened half to death!  What kind of a man does that?  At least Oberon
let Riftvan be, once he explained about our marriage.  I am worried about
Tamaryn, though.  If Oberon holds no love for Chaosites, I fear what he
might have done to her.  At least Kimdyl should be safe, due to her
marriage to Ahab.

	I guess this means I'll be living in Chaos from now on.  Assuming
that the proximity of the Logrus is not too overwhelming for me to bear. 
I knew this day would come.  It was inevitable, with Riftvan being a Head
of House and all, especially now that the Hendrakes are no longer the
threat they once were.  But I didn't think it would be this soon.  I
didn't want it to be this soon.  All of my friends are in Amber, as are
all the places that I love.  It has become home to me, to replace the home
I lost.  And now I must lose my home again.  What is there for me in
Chaos?  But I have no choice but to go there.  I doubt Oberon would allow
Riftvan to stay in Amber, nor am I certain that Riftvan would be willing
to stay there, now that Oberon is back.  Oberon might not even allow *me*
to stay in Amber anymore, despite all that I have done to defend it.  And
even if he did, how could I, without Riftvan?  Either the children would
be with me, in which case they would almost never see their father, or the
children would be with him in Chaos, and I would miss weeks of their lives
with the passing of a single day.  I won't let them grow up without both
of us there.  And what of this coming child?  I wanted her to grow up in
Amber.  She would even have had a playmate in Haris.  If we are in Chaos,
who will play with her there?  I almost wish I were carrying twins now,
just so they would have each other to play with.  All that Riftvan has
told me of Chaos does not make me think of it as a pleasant place for
children to grow up.  I would rather raise them in Faerie, if I had the
option.

	I don't know what to do about Shard.  It will be difficult for me
to feed him if we are on the opposite ends of reality.  I suppose he could
always Trump me, if he had a Trump of me, and if his mind and mine could
span the distance.  Even so, it will be far more difficult to keep this
up.  I must find a better way to help him.  I wonder if being in the
Shadow will give me any insight on how I can reverse his condition?

	Lavender and Foster had Fiona bring Haris with her.  Why?  We will
soon be fighting a powerful sorcerer, who has large armies at his command,
and possesses a piece of the Jewel.  This is no place for an infant!  I
understand how much they must have missed him, and Oberon's return is
certainly something to make one nervous, but why would they think this
place was safer than Amber?  It makes no sense.  On the other hand,
perhaps Lavender will be more cautious, now that she must protect her
child as well.  Still, I wish they had left him in Amber.  I am even more
concerned by the fact that Tamaryn did not come with him.  She was left to
watch over him, and I cannot imagine her not accompanying him.  What has
happened to her?

	The more I learn of my grandfather, the less I like the man.  At
least Tamaryn is unharmed, but she is being held in Amber as his "guest." 
This is intolerable.  Tamaryn is one of the sweetest people I've ever met,
and it angers me to think that Oberon is holding her as some sort of
information source.  She deserves better than that.

	At least now that Fiona is here, we can plan in earnest.  I just
wish I had a chance to rest.  I suppose it's unlikely that we will be able
to retrieve the fragment before tomorrow, but the more progress we make by
then, the better I will feel when I leave.  I hate abandoning the others
like this, but it isn't fair to the children to leave them for so long. 
As it is, more than a month will have passed for them.  Damn Oberon.  None
of this would be necessary if he hadn't attacked Riftvan.