Amber, year nine, day 238 continued

Night

	I'm glad Lavender came to see me.  She has a cheering effect, even
when she comes to discuss something inherently uncheerful.  Her name suits
her.  At least she seems to understand why I did what I did to Foster. 
Now, if only he could to the same.  Perhaps he will, in time.  Until then,
I will try to stay out of his way, but it will be difficult, given that
he's engaged to one of my best friends.  Or perhaps not, judging by
Lavender's remarks.  It sounds as though she has called off the
engagement, by virtue of not recovering her engagement ring, nor getting a
replacement.  She has not informed Foster of this, however, and I'm sure
he hasn't noticed her actions regarding the ring.  She'll have to tell him
at some point, but I hope she waits until he's gotten over what I did to
him.  Or at least started to.

	It would seem that Lavender and I are already affected by our
state.  This pregnancy is so much more difficult than the last one.  I was
further along than this before I even knew I was pregnant with Morgan and
Jalana.  At least it's only one child this time.  Lavender still doesn't
know how many she's carrying.  I told her she could sense for that in a
few weeks, but she looked confused.  Perhaps when I show her she will
understand.

	It felt odd to be fencing under the stars, on the eve of war, but
we both had a lot of frustration to work out.  We certainly succeeded in
my case.  I'm too tired to feel upset right now.  I think I'll just sleep
up here, under the sky.  I haven't done that in a very long time.  I can't
sleep in my quarters.  With Riftvan and the children gone, they seem so
empty to me.  I can hear the echo of their laughter, but when I look,
there's no one there.  I could not sleep there, not tonight.

Amber, year nine, day 239 (Friday, April 28, 2994)

Morning

	Bartholomew is apparently willing to listen to reason, much to my
relief.  Pity the body we have left for Ahab isn't in better shape.  I
wonder if Ahab's ever been that drunk before?  I knew I should have left
the room before the regurgitive took affect.  This damn morning sickness! 
Hopefully Ahab was still too drunk to wonder about it, given that there
was no Logrus to blame this time.  At least my time in Kalevala has
altered things such that I get sick in the morning now.  That will be more
easy to conceal.  Too many occasions of throwing up without the Logrus
around, and people will start to wonder what's wrong with me.  And if they
learn I'm pregnant, they probably won't let me fight.

	I still can't get through to Mother.  Where can she be?  I worry
about her, especially given how little she remembers right now.  I know
she's quite capable of taking care of herself, but still...  I wish I knew
where she was.

	It was good to talk to Kira again.  She understands me better than
most, and I'd been meaning to tell her of my pregnancy.  I just wish the
circumstances were better.  At least she should be safer here.

Afternoon

	All that worry, all that pressure, and we are simply besieged.  No
open fight, no final resolution, not for a while yet.  Just that one
aerial assault, which was repulsed without our forces having to raise a
finger.  Fiona's work, no doubt.  I have been assigned a position at the
castle gate, and Riftvan would doubtless be upset at my presence here, but
he's not here to object, and I won't stay back, not in this fight.  I
suppose I could stay with the archers, as Lavender has done, but there's
not much they can do once the battle is engaged.  I cannot stand back and
watch others die to defend my home.

Amber, year nine, day 240 (Saturday, April 29, 2994)

Early morning

	Gods, aren't things bad enough?  Must Lavender lose her mother and
daughter as well?  They are either dead or captured, by Faeries.  Why
would they do such a thing now?  Riftvan had asked Auberon to leave Foil
be.  Unless the turmoil in Chaos has reflected into Faerie, causing a
civil war there as well.  Gods, I hope not.  The children...  No, Riftvan
wouldn't have left them there if that were the case.  But still, I'm
worried.  Perhaps I should have kept them here, after all.

Foil

Afternoon

	It is awkward for Foster and I to be in such close association at
this time.  He needs more time to come to terms with what I did to him. 
But we both want to help Lavender, so all I can do is try to give him as
much room as I can, and hope that's sufficient.  Thank the gods that
Beauty and Caitt's bodies turned out to be glamours.  If they had been
killed...  I pray that we will be able to find them before something
happens to them.  At least we've closed the gate they used.  Well,
Lavender and Foster did.  It irritates me that I have spent five years
studying Faerie magic, and still I can do nothing, while Foster apparently
has made more progress than I ever have in a matter of days!  What is
wrong with me?

	I wish Lavender had not brought that sword.  Song is a sword of
ill-omen.  There's no other way to describe it.  The demon-forged sword of
a traitor who arranged the murder of his sister and his niece, then was
beheaded by Lavender.  It should have remained buried.  No good will come
of this.

Dexter

Afternoon

	I'd almost forgotten how beautiful faerie lands can be.  Nowhere
else have I encountered anything to equal it.  Pity we have to travel here
under such unhappy circumstances.  I can't get the image of that child out
of my mind.  She looked so much like Jalana...  I'd like to believe it's a
coincidence, but I fear otherwise.

	I didn't want to kill the girl, but she was fighting Lavender when
I arrived, and Foster was pinned down.  I guess his ring didn't give him
much of a warning.  There was no other way to take her down instantly, and
with a sorcerer, that's the only way to fight them.  I was surprised the
shot even went through - sorcerers usually protect themselves against that
sort of thing.  Of course, it turns out none of them were involved in the
sacrifice of that child, or the kidnapping of Caitt and Beauty.  We killed
them for nothing.  It only increases my desire to find those responsible
for this, and make them pay.

	What concerns me is the fact that they were using not only faerie
magic, but Logrus as well.  That takes this beyond the realm of just one
Shadow, or group of Shadows.  Why would someone from Chaos wish to kidnap
Lavender's daughter and mother?  Who would want to hurt her in such a way? 
I had first thought of Dara, but, as Fiona pointed out, Lavender is not
significant enough to be a target of hers in the way that Brand was. 
Rather, it would make more sense for Dara to kidnap Lavender, to use
against both Mandor and Fiona.  I suppose Dara could have taken Caitt and
Beauty in a ploy to lure Lavender out of Amber, then use her against her
parents, but if Fiona thought that was the case, I would have expected her
to try and convince Lavender to return to Amber, and she did not.  I
suppose it could be the one who inhabits Ahab's body, but if he bore
Lavender any ill will, he had more than ample opportunity to do something
about it while she was with him.  Instead, he let her go.  If it is him,
something has happened to change his mind about her.

	So, who else could it be?  Think.  You kidnap Lavender's mother
and daughter.  What can you expect to happen?  Lavender will pursue, of
course.  What else?  While it is possible she will come alone, it's more
likely that she will bring others with her, like Fiona, or Foster, or
myself.  Whoever did this could have guessed that we would be involved. 
So they may have been using Lavender to get to Fiona, or Foster, or me. 
Foster could have any number of enemies through the House, and I as well. 
The Hendrakes come to mind.  But I would imagine that taking Amber is
occupying much of their attention, and this isn't really their style.  If
they were involved, Caitt and Beauty would be dead, not missing.  Who
else, then?

	Sand.  I should have thought of her from the start.  She certainly
has no reason to be fond of any of us.  I have her children, Foster broke
free of her control, Fiona destroyed part of her Shadow, and Lavender not
only did not kill Riftvan for her, she is the one who imprisoned her in
our last confrontation.  Sand has used kidnapping as a way to get what she
wants before.  And it would be just like her to use a child that looked so
much like Jalana to open the gate between Dexter and Foil.  She certainly
has the power to be behind this - she spent a fair amount of time in
Faerie, and Riftvan implied that she knew the magic.  And, she had allies
in Chaos, who could have supplied the Logrus.  The question is, if it is
her, what do we do now?  The three of us alone can't fight her.  We'd need
more people, with skills that differ from ours.  And more power.  But who
can we find in our current situation?  Everyone with the strength to fight
her is busy defending Amber, and I am loath to wait until that matter is
resolved.  A siege could take months.  By then, neither Lavender nor I
will be in any condition to pursue the manner.  Nor do I like the idea of
leaving Beauty and Caitt with Sand for so long.  Beauty is a sweet child,
and I was rather fond of Caitt.  I do not like to think of what Sand might
do to them while she waited.

	Fiona could not offer much help, which isn't surprising, but at
least someone knows where we are and what we're up to.  So long as this
stalemate continues, it makes more sense for me to remain with Lavender. 
Especially since Riftvan isn't back yet.  I wish he were.  I worry when
he's gone, especially under these circumstances.  I wonder if he ever
worries about me?  If he does, I doubt he'll ever admit it.