Amber, year three, day 280 continued Rinaldo is a curious child. He's digging trenches in the sand. I have no idea why. He wouldn't tell me. Who knows why a child his age does anything? I was content to ignore him until he buried me up to my neck in the sand. I guess I was more tired than I thought. He certainly is a stubborn one. He even stuck his tongue out at me. I told him he looked like Felix when he did that. I think that amused him. I hope so. I feel so sorry for the boy. Brand for a father, Jasra for a mother... I doubt he'll have much of a fun childhood. I hope he at least enjoys his time here. It's sad when children are forced to grow up too quickly. Look at Foster. Felix is certainly in a foul mood. I'm sure he's still upset about Foster, but I refuse to put up with it. Of course, I'm not in the best of moods myself. Jasra and Heather dropped by to pick up Rinaldo. I was sad to see him go. Driscoll looked rather relieved. I know Rinaldo's a handful, but he deserves a few happy moments. Evening We had dinner on the beach, which normally would have been delightful, but it was rather awkward tonight. I guess we're all feeling pretty edgy right now. Felix asked if I think Riftvan will return. I do. As I pointed out to Felix, what would he gain by lying at this point? I checked on Murine after dinner. Still no change, physically or psychically. Even if she does recover, I'll be surprised if she remembers anything at all. The guards I asked Gerard to assign were there, but they were stationed outside of the room. Fat lot of good they're going to do if an assassin comes in through the window. I ordered them to change their station to inside of the room. They didn't look happy at taking orders from me, but they did it. Fuck them! I'm tired enough of getting that attitude from Felix, I'm sure as hell not going to put up with it from some lousy guards. I discussed the change with Gerard. He's content to leave it up to me. At least he doesn't seem to share his son's attitude. We discussed moving Murine to the castle where she'd be more secure. I'd rather wait for Riftvan's help first. But if Riftvan doesn't return in the next day or two, I'm going to move her. It's just too difficult to guard her effectively here. Gerard's summer house was built to be a vacation spot, not to defend against assassins. Felix went into town. Probably to get drunk. I understand the feeling. At least Foster and Eris are getting along again. There were playing chess when I left. I went up the beach to play my flute for a while. I used to play for Mark, back in Maui, but I haven't really felt like it since. It was too painful a reminder. But suddenly I wanted to again. I'm not really sure why. But it did make me feel better. Amber, year three, day 281 Morning Gods, I feel wonderful! Riftvan returned last night, just as I was dropping off to sleep. He'd brought back the flower. I knew he would. Of course, he could have brought it by tomorrow morning, but he had other things on his mind. I suppose I could have played games and pretended I wasn't interested, but that's never been my style. I wanted him as much as he wanted me. It was a wonderful night. His current form has certain... advantages. I'm sure I'll pay for the lack of sleep, but right now I just want to lie here and enjoy the moment. I probably would have laid there until Riftvan woke up, except my stomach reminded me that I'm eating for three now. I've definitely noticed an increase in my appetite. I'm starting to show too. Not much, but I wasn't expecting to notice anything for another month or so. I'm not much more than six weeks along. Of course, twins are going to take up more room. Things are going to get real crowded down there in a couple of months. I'm also tiring more easily. I actually felt dizzy yesterday after I stayed up all night. I don't like this development, but there's not much I can do about it. At least there's still no morning sickness. I woke Riftvan up when I got out of bed, and he insisted on leaving. He gave me his trump and asked me to contact him if Felix still wants his help. The trump is of his Riftvan form, of course. I would have been surprised if it was of his true form. I wish I knew what he really looked like. One thing's for sure, if we do have to marry, I'm going to insist on knowing. I won't marry someone who's real appearance I don't even know. But that's unlikely to happen anyway. During breakfast, Felix asked me rather snidely if I'd slept well last night. I guess he heard us. Well, if he doesn't like it, that's his problem. At least he was willing to let Riftvan help. Riftvan looked amused by the fact that I was still eating breakfast when he arrived. He knows better than anyone the reason why. I wonder how long it will be before Gerard figures it out? I suspect Isabeux will notice first. Riftvan ground up the flower and had me administer the paste to Murine. Then he did... something. Visibly, he just held her hand and concentrated. After an hour or so, Murine began to gag, so I removed the GI tube. Then she woke up. Riftvan warned Felix Murine wouldn't be the same and left via one of those gates of his. I guess he didn't want to be around in case Felix blamed him for Murine's amnesia. I warned Felix this would probably happen. He took it better than I expected. Maybe he actually listened to me for once. Murine remembers nothing, not even her own name. I introduced myself, Felix and Foster. I made the mistake of telling her that Foster is her son. She fainted. I thought it would be best if she knew up front, but it was probably too soon. I left Felix to explain things to her when she woke up. I've done more than enough and it's time for him to take responsibility for her. I'm still willing to help, but he has to decide what he wants to do. Evening I think today is the first day I've truly been able to relax since I came here almost a week ago. No crises, no appointments with Random, no business in Amber. I spent the entire afternoon on the beach. I even did a little painting, another activity I've neglected of late. At one point, I just lay there and listened to the twins. It's still so incredible that I can sense them inside me. I wonder how what I feel will change as they mature? Until I felt their minds, they didn't seem quite so real. I could never abort them now, even if my life depended on it. Amber, year three, day 282 Afternoon Felix has decided that the easiest way for Murine to learn about Amber and Chaos is to give her some books to read on the subject. I volunteered to see if Bill Roth had any on Chaos history. Otherwise, we'd have to ask Kimdyl or Alex, and neither prospect was very appealing. Fortunately Bill had what I was looking for, so I brought an armful of books back, for both Murine and myself. At least I didn't have to disturb Ahab's happy family. Murine seems content to stay in her room for the moment. I'm not surprised. She'll come out when she's gotten her bearings. As for me, I'm taking some of Bill's books with me to the beach. If I'm lucky, maybe I'll have another peaceful afternoon in which to read them.