Amber, year three, day 279 continued Foster was only able to partially remove the spell, bringing Felix to awareness, but not enabling him to move. Felix told me he and Riftvan were looking for a plant that would help Murine. Foster showed up while they were in Chaos, and Felix couldn't send him back. He trumped Eric to tell him they were in the area, Foster was tugging on his pant leg, and suddenly he was frozen in the living room. He wasn't happy to learn that Foster was responsible. He was furious, in fact. Understandably so. I told him what I knew. Gerard found Bleys, who was able remove the rest of the spell, causing Felix to fall to the floor. I'm relieved to see Bleys. I was worried, since he hadn't been seen since he trumped out when we were looking for Vetch. He and Eric still don't seem to be getting along. Not surprising, I guess. Ahab had to go get Foster, while I tried to calm Felix down a bit. I urged him to at least listen to what Foster had to say, and told him that Foster seemed genuinely upset about the whole thing. I just wanted him to hear Foster out before yelling at him, or Foster might lose his nerve. Ahab talked to Felix as well, leaving Foster in the hall with me. Foster looked awful. I told him to just tell Felix the truth. Honesty is probably the only thing that will help in this case. If Felix can understand why Foster did this (I wish I knew the answer to that), it will be easier for him to forgive Foster. I don't know why I bothered giving Foster advice. He ignored all of it. He answered all of Felix's questions by claiming he didn't remember what had happened. Judging by Ahab's lack of expression, that's not what Foster told him. Damn the boy. How can he ever expect Felix to trust him if he keeps lying to him? And what about Vetch's role in this? He and Foster got Felix's hopes up with their story and then betrayed him. Felix doesn't deserve this. And why didn't Vetch help Foster afterwards? He has some questions to answer, the next time I see him. Felix wasn't happy about the lack of answers he got from Foster. He asked me to bring him a bottle of something strong. The way I feel right now, I wish I could drink some of it. If it wasn't for the pregnancy, I think I'd get good and drunk. Afternoon Foster took off after his "talk" with Felix. When I went outside, there was no sign of him. I could smell the Logrus, though, and followed his trail for a while. When it became obvious that he was leaving the Golden Circle, I trumped Felix to told him the situation. Foster is his son, I figured he should be the one to go after him. Or decide to leave him alone. Felix decided to track Foster down, so I pulled him through and left him to it. I'm so angry right now. I just need to work some of it off. Amber, year three, day 280 Morning I should never have fallen in love with him. I'm sure that's coloring my responses. I'm furious with him for what he did for Felix, and yet... If he was telling the truth, maybe he saved Foster's life by helping him. And I think he was. He hasn't lied to me yet, that I'm aware. Refused to answer, yes, but never lied. He's been brutally honest about some things. And he told Felix he was to blame for what Foster did, when I'm sure Foster was the instigator. If only he didn't have such a tendency to disregard people's feelings. But he is right about one thing. There wasn't much of a relationship between Felix and Foster to start with. Foster was more than willing to deceive Felix as to the purpose of their trip. And if Riftvan is to be believed, the plant they were seeking actually does exist. Felix doesn't believe him, of course. I can't say I blame him. But Riftvan has no reason to lie about that now. If he'd wanted to do something to Felix, he already had ample opportunity to do so. I said as much to Felix, but he still won't believe it. At least he's allowing Riftvan to try. I think he's rather upset with me, however, for talking to Riftvan. It's not as though I told Riftvan that he did the right thing in freezing Felix. I still think he was wrong there. They should have tried to persuade Felix first. It's not as though things could have been any worse. Although Riftvan did mention that they had a narrow window in which to access the Logrus. Maybe when this isn't quite so fresh Felix will understand. No, I doubt it. Riftvan was surprised to hear that I'm carrying twins. He didn't react much otherwise. I don't know what I expected him to do. Look happy, maybe. Something more than just "Interesting." He did mention that twins are rare in Chaos. I learned a few things from him as well. He hasn't had any children for several centuries. It seems that having eight daughters convinced him there weren't going to be any sons. He still claims our time in shadow was just a vacation. Given how long it's been since he's had children, I'm more inclined to believe him. I still can't quite believe how old he is. He claims to be 3,087 years old! I must seem like a child to him. No wonder he always seems so amused. At least he was honest with me about what will happen after the children are born. He didn't want to tell me, but I insisted. I'd rather know now than worry about the possibilities. It seems that my research was accurate. If I have a son, Riftvan will have to marry me. It's what he said next that surprised me. Actually, not what he said, but the fact he was willing to tell me. He claims I wouldn't have any choice as to whether I married him or not. If he had to, he'd force me to psychically. Given what I've learned, I can see why he'd do that. Without an heir his house dies. He's hardly going to allow that to happen just because I won't marry him. Unfortunately, I think he could do it. The one time I tried to probe Mark's mind, I found nothing wrong. The only way he could have fooled me is if his mind was strong enough to trick me into seeing what he wanted me to see. At least he didn't lie to me about this, when it would have been easier for him to do so. That counts for something. So if I have a son, my only two choices are to marry Riftvan or hide from him. Felix suggested as much. He wanted to know why I was even talking to Riftvan and I said I had little choice. It didn't seem like the time to mention that I still love Riftvan. Felix thought I should get one of our aunts or uncles to show me a place where Riftvan couldn't find me. Even assuming one of them would help me, what then? Hide out until Riftvan finally dies? That wouldn't work at all. No, I'll marry Riftvan willingly, if it comes to that. Not because I have no choice. But because our son would be in danger regardless of what I do, so at least I can allow him his birthright. But I pray that I'm carrying two girls. If Foster is any indication, I'd rather not raise my children in Chaos. No one trusts anyone there, it seems. Even Riftvan was surprised when I suggested he just take me to the plant instead of giving me it's description and location. He thought it was uncharacteristic of me to trust him. Hah. If he was trying to trap me, he could just as easily do so with his directions. And he has been honest with me, when I could get him to answer. I guess I trust him, to some extent. I trust him to do what he says he will do. Which means I believe he does know of a plant that will help Murine, and he will bring it back. Perhaps I am being foolish, but then love causes us to do foolish things. All I know is when he appeared today, I was happy to see him, even though I was angry with him. He's infuriating that way. I believe I can guess how the problems between Vetch and Hendrake began. Riftvan has an annoying tendency not to take things seriously, even when it's obvious that the other party is. You'd think that over 3,000 years of living would have taught him a little tact. Then again, I didn't do such a good job myself with Felix. But Riftvan did set the whole thing off, by reminding Felix that the spell Foster cast on him leaves you a little "stiff." So Felix had to respond by saying he was stiffer than Riftvan has ever been. I had to chuckle at that point. I couldn't help myself. Of all the problems I've had with Riftvan, his stiffness has not been one of them. Riftvan outright laughed. Felix responded by advancing on Riftvan. I tripped Felix up, which gave Riftvan enough time to get out of range. Felix says he wasn't going to attack Riftvan, and he'd promised me earlier that he wouldn't, but Felix has been under a lot of stress lately, and I feared his temper had gotten the better of him. I apologized afterwards, in case I was wrong, but I wasn't going to chance it. I was the one who persuaded Riftvan to talk to Felix, after all. That made it my responsibility. I hope Felix understands. Afternoon Foster seems to be doing a little better. He finally stopped letting Rinaldo pick on him and fought back. Rinaldo got an unexpected dunking as a result. It was a good lesson for him. I think I'm going to sleep for the rest of the afternoon. I stayed up all night smashing rocks, and I'm exhausted. I'm sure it was no accident that Riftvan waited to talk to me until after I'd worked out most of my anger. He said that although Foster got away from him, he was keeping an eye on him while he was running wild in Chaos. And he knew I was the one who helped Foster. I suspect he's watching me, too. When he approached me this morning he said he knew I was upset. He also said he'll know when I give birth. How is he doing this? Those birds of his? Or did he leave something in my mind? It doesn't really bother me. At least this way, if something happens, he'll know. I just wish I knew how he's doing it. I doubt he'll tell me. I'm sure it comes under the category of things I'm safer not knowing. And he's probably right. What I don't know, I can't give away. Not that this makes me any happier about being in the dark, but I understand his reasoning. I wonder if he'd be willing to teach me power words? It would give me an edge if I'm attacked by Hendrake. It can't hurt to ask. There's got to be someone who will teach me. I hope he gets back soon. I hope he's able to use that plant to heal Murine. For Felix and Foster's sake.