Amber, year three, day 277 continued
 
Evening
 
        I passed Mirelle's message along to Gerard at dinner.  I also 
recommended putting some guards in Murine's room.  After all, 
someone tried to kill her once.  If they learn she's alive, I'm sure 
they'll try to finish the job.  And Kimdyl was able to get in there far 
too easily.  Gerard though it was a good idea and said he'd arrange 
things.
 
        This book on Chaos law has proved to be most interesting.  
Apparently succession in Chaos only passes through the men.  
Everything seems to be determined by men.  Even your house.  If the 
head of house has no male heirs, they'll actually disband the house 
rather than let the position fall to a woman.  Ahab was right.  What 
an insane society.  If I have a daughter, I'm relatively safe.  I think.  
After all, Vetch has eight other daughters.  But if I have a son...  That 
child will be the heir to Vetch's position, provided Vetch marries me.  
If we do not marry, the child will not be eligible.  Perhaps that would 
be for the best.  If he's not eligible, maybe he'll be left alone.  No, I'm 
being naive.  As long as a son of Vetch's is alive, he would be 
considered a threat by Vetch's enemies.  Unless Vetch has a son by 
another woman and marries her.  Is there no way out of this?
 
        How did things come to this, anyway?  All I wanted was to get 
an education in shadow and to enjoy myself for a while.  It was 
supposed to be a break from all the stress of dealing with Patternfall 
and Rygat.  A chance to recover.  A chance to be happy for a while.  
Now the father of my child turns out to be a former Chaos spy and 
Head of House, and my life, along with my child's, is threatened by 
another house due to a feud which has been going on for centuries.  
Not to mention the fact that an ex-lover's fiancee wants me dead 
because of her misguided jealousy.  It sounds like a damn soap 
opera!  If it wasn't happening to me, I wouldn't believe it.
 
        So now what do I do?  I'm caught up in something I don't 
completely understand.  My only concern is for my child.  I'm scared 
to death of losing the baby.  I won't allow that to happen.  I hope it's 
a girl.  Things will be simpler then.  And if it's a boy?  What will 
happen then?  Hendrake will try to kill him.  I have no doubt about 
that.  Unless his identity is kept secret.  But how long will we be able 
to do that?
 
        And what do I do about Vetch?  I still know almost nothing 
about him.  I can't help wondering if I'm being used.  It's hard to 
believe that a Head of House had nothing better to do than spend 
three months frolicking in shadow with an Amberite, with no ulterior 
motive.  I love the man, but I don't trust him.  Why should I?  He's 
deceived me from the moment we met.  Damn him.
 
Late evening
 
        Twins!  I'm having twins!  I can't believe it!  I guess this 
confirms one of my theories on how the Pattern increases fertility.  
I'm just grateful it's only twins.  More than that would probably 
require too much time in a hospital.  This is wonderful!  Twins were 
very special where I grew up.  I wish I could tell someone.  But the 
only person I can tell who'd care is Vetch, and I haven't seen him 
since I learned he was Riftvan.  Twins!  Of course, now I'm going to 
have to think up a new set of names.  I wonder if they're identical or 
fraternal twins?  I'm so excited, I can't sleep.
 
Amber, year three, day 278
 
Morning
 
        Felix and Foster weren't at breakfast.  Gerard says they're off 
on some errand.  It's good to see them spending more time together.
 
Afternoon
 
        I've gleaned all I can from the book, so I'm going to return it to 
Bill in Amber.  I need to see Random, anyway.  It's occurred to me 
that I'm going to have to tell him a bit more about my personal 
problems.  Since one of them could involve Hendrake trying to kill 
me.  I'm not looking forward to this.
 
        The meeting went about as well as I thought it would.  Which is 
to say it was uncomfortable and awkward.  It's not easy telling 
someone things about your personal life that under ordinary 
circumstances would be none of his business.  Hopefully I won't have 
to do so again.  Random suggested I stay in Amber.  No kidding.  The 
only problem is I'll have to go into shadow for my medical checkups.  
I know Gerard is a good doctor, but I don't think he's had much 
experience in obstetrics.  Especially with multiple births.  Besides the 
technology is much better in shadow.  I'll just have to make sure I 
don't go alone.
 
        Foster has Logrus madness and Felix's trump won't animate.  
Damn, and the day was going so well.  Well, not really, but it wasn't 
this bad.  Gerard is working on finding Felix, leaving Ahab and I to 
find Foster.  I guess I'll be leaving Amber sooner than I thought.
 
        Bringing in Foster was difficult, but we finally managed it.  
That Chaos form of his makes him difficult to handle.  Ahab had to 
beat him into unconsciousness.  We were gone for close to a day in 
Amber.  After we brought him back, Kimdyl told us we could have 
psychically dominated him without the madness affecting us.  I wish 
she'd told us that before we went after him.  She might have, if Ahab 
hadn't made a remark about taking me in front of her.
 
        Murine had a trump deck hidden in her room.  Kimdyl 
pocketed it, except for Foster's trump, which I now have.  Damn, I 
wish I'd known about that deck.  There might have been a trump of 
Vetch in it.
 
        Kimdyl suggested chaining Foster until the Logrus madness 
passes.  Which usually takes at least a month.  She also said she has 
no idea how long it may take for Foster to recover, since she's never 
seen anyone take the Logrus at such a young age.  There must be 
some way we can help him.  Kimdyl probably knows, but Ahab made 
another one of his smart remarks and Kimdyl left.  There's no way I 
can make peace with her if Ahab keeps adding fuel to the fire.  I 
know it's just the way he is, but it can be aggravating at times.
 
        Ahab talked to Flora, and wants to put Foster in a storage room 
on the fourth floor.  And then what?  Leave him there alone until he 
recovers?  I won't do that.  I don't know how this madness works, 
but I can't believe it will be good for him to be left alone.  He called 
us for help.  I won't abandon him.  I've been able to calm him 
psychically and rock him to sleep.  In a way, it's much like dealing 
with an infant.
 
        I had food brought up, which woke Foster up.  I fed him and 
read to him for a few hours, which seemed to keep him calm.  
Eventually he started fidgeting and struggling so I moved him off of 
my lap.  That turned out to be a mistake.  He shapeshifted out of the 
chains.  I barely re-established psychic contact in time to stop him 
from escaping.  I think I may have found a way to help him.  It 
involves using Pattern to shape the Logrus in a way that his mind 
can accept.  It's kind of hard to explain.  I don't even know if it will 
work.  But I have to try.  I just can't leave him like this.  Who could 
have done this to him?
 
        It's over.  I've done it.  I don't think I've ever been this 
exhausted before.  I just want to sleep...
 
Amber, year three, day 279
 
Morning
 
        Foster has recovered from the madness, but he's still troubled.  
I wanted to leave him alone, but Gerard asked me to keep an eye on 
him.  Foster wasn't happy about this.  He seems even more 
uncomfortable around me than before.  Adolescent boys can be so 
difficult to deal with.  You'd think he would have preferred it if we'd 
left him running wild in Chaos.  I understand why he's acting this 
way, but that doesn't make it easier to deal with.  At least Ahab 
thanked me.  I don't think anyone understands how difficult this was 
for me to do.  Well, the madness is gone, and that's all that counts in 
the end.
 
        Ahab stopped by to see how we were doing.  Foster seems 
willing to talk to Ahab about what happened, although he won't get 
into specifics.  He said enough for me to realize that he was the one 
who cast the spell that froze Felix in place.  I'm beginning to think 
that he wasn't forced into taking the Logrus.  But why would he want 
to do so voluntarily?  He's so young!
 
        I left Ahab to talk with him, after Foster gave his word not to 
leave.  He won't say anything while I'm there.  Besides, he and Ahab 
seem to get along fairly well.  Ahab is the one Foster trumped for aid 
during his madness.  And Ahab knows what it's like to obtain a 
primal power at such an early age.  He was only a few years older 
than Foster when he walked the Pattern.  I hope he can get through 
to Foster.
 
        We're all back at the summer house now.  Foster is going to try 
to undo the spell he cast on Felix.  Apparently he's not sure how to 
do it.  Foster has to have had help in this.  At his age, I can't believe 
he could get access to the Logrus alone.  And I don't think he would 
have cast that spell on Felix, unless he had someone along who could 
undo it.  I have my suspicions as to who that someone was.  What I 
don't understand is why he would allow Foster to do that?  It almost 
killed the boy!  And why was Foster running loose like that?  If this 
usually happens to people when they take the Logrus, surely they 
have some way of handling it.  A way to stop the person until the 
madness passes, or a way to help them, like I helped Foster.  But 
Foster was all alone.  What really happened there?  Felix is frozen in 
the middle of a trump call, and Eric is here as well.  Maybe Felix can 
clear up some of the mystery when Foster removes the spell.  
Assuming he can.