Session
124
Amber, year 21, day 304 (Sunday, September 3, 2994)
Morning
Whimsy appears to have gotten over her encounter with Jack's
flowers. She even sent me note saying that she's glad she didn't set me
on fire, along with some flowers. *Not* the type that Jack gave her, of
course. I stopped by to let her know that I'm not holding the matter
against her, and was surprised to find three new portraits hanging on her
wall. I recognized two of them at once: Jack and Shard. Both of them
seemed somewhat idealized. Shard looked as he did before he became a
vampire, and Jack... Jack looked kind. Hah. Jack is many things, but
never kind. I refrained from comment, however. If what Jack did to
Grayson and I has not convinced her, than I fear nothing will, save her
own experience. The third portrait I did not recognize at all, although
he bears the traits of a Jesby. Edwin perhaps? Given that the painting
seemed the most honest of the bunch, displayed with flaws and all, I
believe it may, indeed, be him. Which makes me wonder about the theme of
these portraits. A gallery of the men she's been attracted to, perhaps?
If so, I find her taste in men somewhat suspect. But who am I to
criticize? I married an assassin, after all, and I have my own attraction
to Shard to fight.
Afternoon
Felix has persuaded Caitt to teach a weekly class on the use of
herbs to my hospital staff. I'm glad he recalled her skill in that area,
for I had completely forgotten it. I suppose it's inevitable that with
everything else that's going on, I'm bound to overlook something. Which
is precisely why I sought Felix's help in this endeavor. Eral knows, I
can't do it alone.
Evening
My memory lessons with Lucien are going rather slowly, but I
understand why. Given what he's teaching me, and the damage I could do
with the slightest mistake, I would rather he was careful about the
process. At this rate, it will probably be a few months before I have the
knowledge to safely try it on my own. Hopefully, I won't need the skill
before then. If only I'd learned this years ago, before I learned of
Avalon.
Amber, year 21, day 305 (Monday, September 4, 2994)
Morning
Eric has returned to Amber, but I have seen no sign of Ronan, so I
must assume he is still missing. Gods, I wish there was something I could
do to help him. He was a good man. But it's Eric's investigation, and I
doubt he would welcome my help in the matter. He and Nicholas have been
sequestered since his return, which doesn't seem to bode well. It's times
like these that I wish I was more clever and devious than I am. I would
love to know what the two of them are discussing in there.
Afternoon
Goodness, Felix seems to have put his foot in it this time.
Teaching his sons to spit, indeed! How did he think Tamaryn would react
to that? I suspect he'll be paying for that for some time. She must be
really miffed for her to have taken such delight in my suggestion to leave
Ana and Briana with him while we went dress shopping. I must admit, I
hadn't intended for her to actually take me up on my offer. Given what
happened the last time I left my children in Felix's care, I'm a bit leery
of risking it again. But I couldn't exactly tell Tamaryn that I don't
trust Felix with my children, when she's trusting him with hers. I just
hope he can keep them away from the Pattern, this time.
Evening
Much to Jalana's delight, Nicholas has decided to permit children
at the coronation and the ball that will follow. Naturally, all of the
children want to go, even Ana and Briana. Why do I foresee a busy
evening? At least their eagerness to go should ensure they'll at least
try to be on their best behavior, for I will have no compunctions about
sending them home if they misbehave.
I ran into Shard on the battlements this evening. I was beginning
to think he was avoiding me. Maybe he was. Perhaps he's decided to focus
his attentions on Whimsy, now. At least she might return his affections
more than I can allow myself to. But he said nothing to make me think
that he has, and I'm not sure if that makes me happy or sad. I know it
would be best if he got over me, but I must admit there is a selfish part
of me that doesn't want him to.
Amber, year 21, day 306 (Tuesday, September 5, 2994)
Morning
I find myself thinking a lot lately about having another child.
Maybe it's knowing that I won't be going to Chaos now. I had told myself
that I'd have to wait until after the Chaos invasion, since I couldn't
risk endangering an unborn child in such a war. Not to mention the fact
that it would render me incapable of fighting for several months, and we
could be in Chaos for years. But now, if I'm staying in Amber, the
reasons for delaying are gone. Except...who can say what will happen when
Nicholas leaves? Should I wait a few months longer, just in case things
go badly when the Chasm mends? That would probably be safest. But I long
to hold a baby in my arms again. It has been too long since I last did
so. Ten years... Now that I've started thinking about it, even a few
months more seems an interminable time to wait.
Afternoon
The hospital threatens to occupy more and more of my time with
each day that passes. Were it not for the children, and the time I spend
with them, I suspect I could easily devote most of my waking hours to this
project. There is so much to do, and at this stage there is little I can
delegate... Sometimes it all seems rather overwhelming.
Evening
I've managed to draw a Trump sketch of my father, as Mother
remembers him. At least I think I have. It is warm, not cold, but I
don't know if that is due to the fact that Trump does not work across the
Chasm, or if it's because he no longer uses the form Mother knew him in,
or if I just didn't manage to create a Trump after all. I suppose I'll
find out after the Chasm mends. It's not as thought I plan to actually
Trump him with it, even if it does work. Not alone, anyway. I'm just
curious to see if he's enough like what Mother remembers of him that I
could manage to draw a Trump of him at all.
Amber, year 21, day 307 (Wednesday, September 6, 2994)
Evening
The coronation ceremony wasn't quite what I expected. Oh, there
was the long, boring ceremony, and Nimue even made an appearance as the
Unicorn, to back Nicholas as King, but there was no swearing of allegiance
from anyone, not even the family. I guess Nicholas doesn't believe all of
the family will swear allegiance, so he's simply avoiding the issue, for
now. I'm not sure how much he's avoiding it, though. By not requiring
any oaths of allegiance, he's made it pretty obvious that his reign is
starting on an uncertain note. That's something I doubt people are going
to overlook.
If the ceremony itself was dull, the time before the ceremony
nearly proved rather explosive. Lavender arrived with Ishmael is her
escort, instead of either of her two husbands. Driscoll, of course,
didn't exactly take this well, and for a moment I feared he and Ishmael
would come to blows, but then Shard intervened and drew Driscoll away. Is
there anyone that Ishmael hasn't managed to piss off, lately? You'd think
he would realize that escorting Lavender to the ceremony wasn't the
brightest of ideas. Then again, he can be rather thick about some things.
Like proper dinner behavior. He thought it would be amusing to throw peas
at Whimsy and I during the banquet. A formal state dinner. Naturally,
the boys thought this was terribly amusing. And he wonders why I don't
want him teaching my children? He acts more childish than they do.
Grayson appears to be enjoying himself immensely, which is a
relief. I was a bit surprised to see him arrive with Roxanne. Not that I
have any objections to him availing himself of the Pearl's services, but I
wonder if he's aware of just how many members of the nobility have been
inside its doors, and therefore know Roxanne's profession?
Something is going on between Ishmael and Shard, but I'm not
altogether certain what it is. Could Ishmael have figured out what Shard
did to him? I don't think that's it. I'd expect Ishmael to be angry
about that, and he seems more uncomfortable than anything else. But if
that's not it, then what is?
Thank the gods that the children have finally gone to bed. Now I
can finally relax and enjoy the ball, without worrying that Briana is
going to claw someone, or Ishmael will start a food fight with the boys.
And, if Jack does make his move tonight, at least they'll be safely away
from it. Assuming Jack does anything at all tonight. I was sure he'd do
something to disrupt the coronation, but there's been no sign of him so
far. It's making me nervous. What is he up to?
Grayson has his voice back. He's had it all along, in fact. Ever
since the evening that he revealed Nicholas' ultimatum to me. The night
Whimsy walked the Pattern. Apparently, he walked it too. And they've
been hiding it from me all of this time! Well, to be fair, they've been
hiding it from everyone, hoping they could take Jack by surprise.
Obviously, that won't be happening now. Whimsy is rather annoyed at
Grayson, and I can't say that I blame her. Next time they try something
like this, she'd do well to steer Grayson away from the alcohol.
Dancing with Shard is simply incredible. Not that Lucien isn't an
excellent dancer in his own right, but with Shard it's almost an
otherworldly experience. We've danced as much as we can without risking a
scandal - not that Lucien's probably even noticed. He has a tendency to
spend most of his time circulating during events like this, which pretty
much leaves me to my own devices. For once, I don't really mind.
Amber, year 21, day 308 (Thursday, September 7, 2994)
Morning
Ishmael knows that Shard bit him, and he thinks I was behind it,
that I asked Shard to do that to him. How can he think I would ever do
something like that? Is that how little he thinks of me? Eral, I'm not
sure what to do now. I must speak with Ishmael, obviously. I don't
particularly want to, but I have no other choice. I can't have him
thinking that I sicced a vampire on him, even for what he did. And I must
find out who else he's told. Maybe he hasn't told Nicholas yet. Maybe
it's not too late.
Gods, I think I aged ten years when I heard Grayson scream. All
sorts of horrible images ran through my mind as I ran to his quarters,
through the broken door, and found him confronting...Whimsy, armed with a
pair of cymbals and yelling, "Rise and shine!" I was too relieved to do
much other than stand there while Whimsy informed Grayson that his
punishment for ruining their plan last night was the cessation of his
conjuration lessons, until he manages to uninvite Jack on his own.
Grayson looked rather miserable after Whimsy left, although it's hard to
say whether that was due to guilt, or his rather obvious hangover. I
conjured him something for the latter and left him to try and sleep the
rest of it off. The former, I know from hard experience, is not so easily
dispensed with.
Afternoon
I should have known Grayson would try something foolish, once he
got over his hangover. Thank the gods Lucien was able to find him. I
shudder to think of what Jack would have done to him had I not Trumped him
at that moment. Not that he seems overly concerned by that. All he cares
is that it worked, in the end. Gods, was I ever so careless with my own
life? Perhaps, a long time ago, when I had only myself to worry about.
The funny thing is that despite the risk he took, and the danger
he put himself in, the part of our conversation that I remember most
clearly is when he referred to me as "Mom." I know it isn't much, and I'm
probably making too big a deal about it, but... Mom. It has such a nice
ring to it.
The person I really want to throttle in all of this is Alexandra.
What could she have been thinking, to reinvite Jack into Amber mere
moments after Grayson rescinded his own invitation? What is it with
Fiona's children, that they keep extending power to this creature? Whimsy
looked like she wanted to throttle Alexandra herself, when she heard the
news. I can't say that I blame her. She went through a lot of effort
twice to get Jack uninvited, and to learn that it was all for nothing, and
her sister was to blame... Just what was it that Alexandra sought from
Lucien earlier today? Did she get it from Jack, instead? Is that why she
reinvited him? I can only imagine how Fiona's going to act when she finds
her wayward daughter. Whatever she does to Alexandra, though, it will be
well-deserved.
Lucien is gone, and even my ring cannot locate him. Which means
he's either in Chaos or in the 'Tween somewhere. Given recent events, and
his ties to Faerie, I'm guessing the latter. The question is, who
involved him? I doubt it was Fiona. Somehow, I just can't picture her
asking him for help.
Foil
Ishmael never really thought that I sent Shard after him. I find
some comfort in that. But he's already informed Nicholas of the matter,
and that makes me very nervous indeed. What will Nicholas do? I wish
there was some way that I could warn Shard, but if Ishmael talked to
Nicholas this morning, then it's already too late. I want to be angry at
Ishmael for setting this off, but I can't blame him for reacting the way
he did. If Shard wasn't my friend, would I have reacted any differently?
Gods, I wish I'd never talked to Shard that night. Then none of this
would be happening.
At least this got Ishmael and I to talk to each other. I doubt I
would have so soon, otherwise. I'm still not happy about what he did, but
I know his heart was in the right place. That doesn't make it right, but
it does make a difference. And I don't think he'll take that tact again.
Well, I hope he won't. I wouldn't exactly call him repentant. More like
he knew his actions would have consequences, but he thought they were
worth it. I just hope I've convinced him to demonstrate a little patience
in the future. We'll see. I've agreed to let him teach the boys again,
which ought to make them very happy. Eral, I hope I'm not making a
mistake.
We spoke a bit about the situation with Eric, and what disturbed
me most was Ishmael's belief that Eric might actually kill Gérard,
if Nicholas left him as Regent instead of Eric. Gods, could he really go
so far? To kill his own brother, and not just any brother, but the
kindest one of all them, for nothing more than power? Only Brand has
tried to go so far. If Eric would do such a thing, then I believe he has
gone completely mad. And I shudder to think of what will happen once
Nicholas leaves.
Amber
Lucien has returned unharmed, but I know little more about where
he was than I did before. He would only say that he was helping a friend,
but he could not say who. That definitely lets out Fiona, or Nicholas,
for that matter. Neither of them are exactly friends of his. It could
have been Suhuy, I suppose. Alexandra is his daughter, after all. I wish
I understood why Alexandra did what she did. Jack isn't a childhood
friend of hers, as he was with Whimsy and Grayson. So why? Lucien would
only say that she is rather young and spoiled. I guess she is, at that,
although I can only personally attest to the first one. She's still a
teenager, after all, only four years older than my children, and
apparently just as impulsive. I do wish I knew what she asked of Lucien.
All I could get out of him was that it involved Jack in a roundabout way.
Whatever it was, it must have been interesting for him to conclude from it
that she is spoiled. Maybe she reminds him too much of Fiona.
Evening
Nicholas didn't waste any time in dealing with Shard. He's gone,
relieved of duty, and he won't even answer my Trump. Nicholas must have
exiled him until he can be sure he can better control himself. It took me
a while to determine even that much, since the junior officer who replaced
him wasn't much help at all. The Colonel couldn't tell me much either,
but at least he explained why, and told me that Shard is in no danger.
That's what I really needed to know. I was beginning to fear that
Nicholas had done something drastic to Shard. It's quite a relief to know
that was not the case.
Amber, year 21, day 309 (Friday, September 8, 2994)
Morning
It feels like I am forever moving from one house to another. I
had considered remaining in the castle until after the Chasm mends, but
after talking to Ishmael I think we'll be safer in town. At least it will
be harder for Eric to watch my family here. And the townhouse has so much
more room. The castle works for short periods of time, but two bedrooms
for six children gets a little cramped after a while.
Afternoon
It's worse than I suspected. Alexandra didn't just invite Jack
back into Amber, she married him and now carries his child. The good news
is that she's no longer with Jack, although I'll bet she wishes she were.
Whimsy says that Fiona left to deprogram her, and I doubt Fiona's in the
best of moods, right now. Whimsy certainly isn't. I suppose it's no
surprise that Jack let Alexandra go. He has access to Amber and she's
carrying his child, what more use does he have for her until she finally
gives birth?
Evening
Flora has given birth to a baby girl named Lillian. I'm happy for
her. I hope Lillian helps her get over the loss of the child Zane killed.
I hope I can say the same, someday soon. All this talk of babies today is
making it even harder for me to wait to have mine. I wish the war was
over already.
"Outrageous Fortune"
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