Session
111
Amber, year 16, day 185 continued
The situation here in the city is as bad as I feared. The
waterfront is completely gone. It's hard not give in to despair at the
sight of it. I just have to keep busy. I wish I had my own body. If I
could conjure, if I could heal, there's so much more I could do, so many
more people I could help. I feel so limited. At least Lucien is doing
some good, even if he doesn't see the point. Sometimes I think these
moments prove more than any other that he loves me. Why would he do this
for me if he didn't?
Trumps are working again. I probably wouldn't have figured it out
for a while, if Jalana hadn't Trumped me. I was pretty surprised,
actually. I thought someone would have to use a Trump of Loryn in order
to reach me. Apparently not. What does this say about how Trumps work?
Obviously, they're not tied to the body. But to what, then? The mind?
The soul? You'd probably have to be a Trump artist to know for sure.
Lucien immediately started Trumping people, once he knew Trumps were
working again. Trying to figure out what was going on, I assume. I'm
more worried about what Jalana asked. She wanted to know if I was ever
coming home tonight. I feel guilty for spending so much time here. Like
I'm abandoning the children, somehow. It's not fair to them to leave them
alone after such a traumatic day. But how can I return, knowing how
important every person is here right now, and that people might die if I
leave? I don't know what to do. I guess I could at least join the
children for dinner. I can't go without eating for too long, after all,
especially in this body, or my judgment will be impaired.
Evening
Flora appears to be about six months pregnant. I was under the
impression that Zane had killed her unborn child. Did the baby survive
after all? Or did Flora set out to conceive another one? It's not an
uncommon reaction to the loss of a child. It's also not a question that
anyone can easily ask her. I hope she's been seeing a doctor, at least.
I almost went over and offered to check on the child's health, before I
remembered that I can't. Damn. Why couldn't I have lost my body during a
period of calm?
Eric is having a family meeting in a couple of hours. Maybe then
we'll finally learn what happened. I've been so busy that I haven't
really had time to think about what caused the earthquake. I'm almost
afraid to find out. The last earthquake came when the Serpent and the
Unicorn died, and it didn't last nearly as long as this one. What could
be worse than the death of gods?
Brand is coming to Amber, and no one seems to have any problem
with this. After everything he's done, all the people he's killed, or
hurt, or... How can he be allowed to just waltz in here like nothing ever
happened? Hasn't anyone learned from Patternfall, or when he was trying
to make his Pattern the primary one, or when he allied himself with Dara?
How many times is he going to be allowed to just walk away? How many more
people have to die before he's stopped?
Ona and Clarissa have come to Amber. I guess I'm not surprised.
Echo and Merrick's presence here earlier was a good indication that Avalon
intends to have closer ties with Amber. It was hard not to stare at
Clarissa, though, knowing that she is Brand's mother. I guess this
explains the connection I found between her and Vixen, Gavin and Bridget.
How could Oberon marry his own niece? Or great-niece...I'm not sure how
far descended from Ona Clarissa is. Either way, it's still...wrong. Like
Caine marrying Jalana. Or what Brand did to me. I'm worried about what
this baby will be like, given the amount of inbreeding in his background.
It's bad enough that his father is also my uncle, but then to add in how
closely Brand's parents were related... Lucien said the baby is
genetically sound, so there shouldn't be anything wrong with him,
but...all of Clarissa's children are incredibly strong, mentally. What if
this baby is even stronger? It worries me, especially given the problems
we've had with Briana.
Ygg is dead, and the Disc destroyed. How much more death is there
going to be? Looks Twice, Hickory, Erryn, and all of the others. Maybe
even Jackie and Ruepert. How did this happen? Why would anyone want to
destroy Ygg? And, as if this isn't bad enough, Nicholas and the others
are stuck on the Chaos side of the chasm, and the only way to get there is
through Faerie. But Faerie has closed its borders, and no one can get to
them. Except me. And even I can't manage it until faerie magic is
stronger. At least I can do something, though. Maybe getting stuck in
this body will turn out to be a blessing, after all.
I told Eric how Nimue died, and Brand's role in it. Bleys
probably already told him, but I didn't want to take that chance. If he's
going to allow Brand back in Amber, he should be aware of everything that
Brand has done. Even if it won't change his mind. What's one more death,
after all, when there have been so many?
Ow. Gods, that hurt. I should have expecting Shard to react that
way, I guess. I still can't quite believe that he can't see or hear me.
Lucien says that vampires can't see faeries at all. I guess that explains
how Lucien was able to keep Shard from noticing him, back when I was
transfusing Shard. He can certainly feel me, though. I guess I'm lucky I
didn't poke him with my hand. I wonder if he's worried about me? I hope
not. Poor Shard. He looked so utterly frantic after I touched him. I
don't imagine there's much that can startle him, so it must be pretty
disturbing when something does.
Lucien doesn't think going to Faerie is a good idea right now,
since there's bound to be a lot of turmoil there. I understand that, but
I still have to do this. Right now, it's the only chance of reaching
Nicholas and the others, if they're still alive. I have to try to get
them back, if it is within my power.
Lavender is taking her family into Shadow. Again. They'll be
passing four years this time. Sometimes I wonder why she bothers spending
any time in Amber at all. Maybe she just doesn't want to deal with Brand
when he arrives. I can certainly understand that feeling. At least
Vincent took the news pretty well. I think he's finally realized that
Iseult is completely uninterested in him. Or anything, really, other than
fighting.
Amber, year 16, day 186 (Wednesday, August 16, 2994)
Early morning
I think I might be able to sleep now. Maybe. At least I've
managed to adjust to this body enough that I feel comfortable fighting in
it. If Brand is coming back here, I want to be ready for him. With magic
gone, this may be the only time he is vulnerable.
Afternoon
Felix joined us in the city infirmary. Lucien came along as well,
and I didn't even ask him to, this time. I suspect he came along more to
keep an eye on me than out of the goodness of his heart. It's amazing how
many injured there still are needing treatment, even a day later. The
severity of the injuries is beginning to lessen, at least. Anyone badly
wounded who hasn't received attention by now is probably dead. I try not
to think about that too much. Or the fact that Gavin might be one of
them. He hasn't been seen in the castle since the earthquake, and no one
I've asked in town has seen him either. I hope he's all right.
Evening
It's been a long time since I've wanted to kill someone this
badly. Not since we went after Sand, and she made me run Lucien through.
Of course, I was denied my revenge that time, too. He thinks that just
because he turned the Jewel over to Eric that all is forgiven? He
probably stole the damn thing off of Nicholas' body. Damn him, anyway.
Him and Zane. Zane must be truly insane to have deliberately caused all
of this. Did he turn on Brand in the end, too? Pity they couldn't have
killed each other, or fallen into the chasm where Ygg used to be. But we
never get that lucky. Damn him. I won't sit here and eat at the same
table as him as though there was nothing wrong. I can't even stand the
idea of being in the castle while he's here. What if he comes after me
again?
Ronan has located Gavin, and he's alive, although somewhat the
worse for wear. Ronan wanted me to make sure it was OK to move him. The
woman who set his bones did a good job of it, and I told her we could use
her at the infirmary. I hope she's willing to help. Things would have
been fine if Battlestar hadn't decided to ask why I didn't conjure a
stretcher for Gavin, instead of trying to put one together. And then he
noticed that I smelled strange, and Ronan got all suspicious. I pointed
out that I had my sword, and my Trump reached me, but neither of those was
conclusive, and Ronan knew it. He didn't seem to put much stock in the
fact that Gavin could vouch for who I was, either. I don't suppose I
would, if I were in his shoes. I've managed to put him off for now, since
I don't want to explain things in front of a total stranger, but I doubt
my reprieve will last for long. And he's just not going to believe my
explanation.
Someone has sent an assassin after Vixen. I suppose there's
something poetic in that. The question is, who hired the assassin? Vixen
believes the assassin is a Vetch, and there can't be too many people who
both want Vixen dead and have access to Chaos. It would help if we knew
who the assassin was. Maybe Lucien can determine that. Vixen did say
that she'd managed to wound the assassin, this time.
I was so annoyed at Lucien, I almost forgot to ask him. I don't
know how he expects me to react to the fact that Brand is free and clear.
Gods, I don't understand him, sometimes. At least I remembered before I
got too far, and he came with me to the brothel. He says the assassin is
a nephew of his, many times removed, by the name of Lugyr. And he's good.
Naturally. There doesn't seem to be anyway to call him off, either,
unless whoever hired him pays him again to stop. Not likely, unless we
can find that person and convince them it would be in their best interests
to do so. Which may be a bit complicated if it's who Lucien and I think
it is, namely Alex's mother. She was Eric's lover until Oberon forced her
to marry Delwin, and as a Borge, she certainly has the resources to hire a
Vetch. Gods, what a mess. Eric probably won't even believe that she's a
suspect. Men are so blind about that sort of thing.
I feel so much better, now that we're going to be spending the
night in town. I just wouldn't have been able to sleep in the castle
knowing that Brand was there. It's not rational, but knowing this doesn't
seem to make any difference. I get tense just thinking about it. I'm
glad we'll be moving to Middlecourt soon.
Vixen is going to be passing time in Shadow as well. Long enough
for her child to be born and weaned. Given that she has an assassin
coming after her, I can't say I blame her. At least Eric is going with
her. He could probably use the time to plan what he's going to do when he
gets back. I wish Vixen hadn't sent him to me for an infertility spell,
though. I'm lucky that most people think I heal using magic, not
shapeshifting, or I never would have been able to explain why I couldn't
help him. I told him that magic isn't working well, and that I couldn't
do what he wanted. Both of which are true, they're just unrelated to each
other. I hate misleading people like that, but what was I supposed to
say? The truth is just too complicated to explain.
Lucien doesn't think Brand has the Eye of Destruction anymore. I
even describe how relieved I am to hear that. I don't know why I didn't
figure it out myself. If he still had the Eye, why would he need Eric's
protection? Lucien's right, I can't deal rationally with anything
involving Brand right now. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to.
"Outrageous Fortune"
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Last modified on May 9, 1997 by Kris Fazzari.