Session
101
Amber, year ten, day 11 continued
Afternoon
It was a lovely picnic. Even Mother seemed to relax, once she
stopped worrying about why she couldn't remember what happened yesterday.
We hunted for seashells with the children, and swam, and laughed. I ran
out of energy far sooner than the children, but between Tamaryn, and Anne,
and Mirelle, and Lucien, they never lacked for someone to play with. It
was good to just talk with Lucien, to fill him in on everything that went
on while he was gone. Tamaryn had some interesting news as well. It
seems she is not being considered as the ambassador to Faerie, because of
her close ties to them, but both Lavender and I are. I don't know which
one surprised me more. Lucien seems confident that I could handle the
job, if I was appointed, and has no objections to my taking it. I imagine
we'll be spending some time in Faerie even if I am not offered the job,
given his position with Auberon. I am troubled by the thought of Lavender
holding the position, though. She fought the na siogai for so long, and
there was so much enmity there... She claims to be over that, but the
wounds from that sort of thing run deep. They aren't exorcised overnight.
At least the faeries have forgiven her for her genocidal acts against
them, because of the part she played in the fight against the Serpent.
Even so, the message her appointment would send would not necessarily be
interpreted as a friendly one. There's no real point to worrying about
it, though. Tamaryn said there were many names on the list. The odds of
either Lavender or myself being chosen are rather slim.
That was unexpected. I just wanted to examine Beauty. I never
thought I'd wind up in Foil, trying to prevent Alex and Teresa from
attacking Drumm. At least Lavender managed to warn him of what they were
trying to do. Once I suggested that she do so, anyway. It annoys me that
Alex and Teresa took advantage of her like this. I wish she'd remember
sometimes that not everyone in the family should be trusted. I know I
warned her about Teresa, and I'm sure Fiona must have done the same, at
some point. What possessed her to bring them to her Shadow? Well,
actually, that seems to have been Drumm's idea, but she should have known
better than to leave them there. At least Beauty was able to freeze the
Shadow, before they did any real damage. If it wasn't for the fact that
it's Lavender's home Shadow, I would have been tempted to tell her to
leave it frozen. The universe would not miss those two. At least we
stymied their attempt. I shudder to think of what they would do if they
had both a Spikard and understanding of how to use it.
Lavender finally took me up on my offer of a birth control spell.
After having three children so close together, I'm surprised it took her
this long. Lavender doesn't want to let her men know about the spell,
though. I suppose she doesn't want to discourage them from trying. It
does add a bit of spice, I must admit.
Beauty is doing well in her pregnancy. Lavender must have told
her what a pelvic is like, for she was quite adamant about not wanting to
have one. I can well understand. They are unpleasant things.
Fortunately, my spell makes that unnecessary. I estimate her to be
somewhere in her fifth month. I also know that she is carrying a boy.
She did not want to know the child's sex, and I'm not certain who, if
anyone, I should tell. It is probably safer for Beauty if the sex of the
child is uncertain. If she is known to be carrying a boy, those who plot
against Amber might try to kill her now, before the child is born. If it
is unknown, they will likely wait, hoping the child will be a girl.
Perhaps I am being excessively paranoid, having been in such a situation
once myself. I must at least ask Nicholas if he wants to know.
Rebma, year ten, day 12 (Saturday, July 15, 2994)
Early morning
I awoke with a start, my pulse pounding loud in my head. I may
have even screamed. I don't remember. It had been such a wonderful
night. Everything went perfectly. Where did such a horrible dream come
from? Why? Oberon is dead. Why would I dream that he was Lucien? Why
would I dream that he did...such things to me? Worse yet, that I enjoyed
it? It reminds me...it reminds me of Shard. Of what happened between us.
What I've tried so desperately hard to forget. Is that why this is coming
back to haunt me in my dreams? Because of my denial? But why Oberon? I
don't understand. I'm afraid to go back to sleep. What if I dream of it
again?
Morning
I managed to sleep eventually, with Riftvan's arms holding me
tight, and there were no more nightmares. But the dream haunts me still.
I keep seeing Oberon's face, the leer that he had as he took me, the
pleasure I felt as he did so. The horror I feel as I think back on it.
The nightmare was so vivid. Why couldn't it have faded, the way most
dreams do? Lucien wants to know why it's upsetting me so. How can I
possibly explain this to him? The last thing I want to do is remind him
of what happened between Shard and I. I've already hurt him enough
because of that.
Amber
Whoever attacked Eric knew what they were doing. Had he gone
without aid, he surely would have died. As it was, healing the primary
wound took all of my energy, and I barely had the strength to at least
eliminate the chance of infection in the wounds to his shoulder and side.
I imagine part of the reason it was so draining is my pregnancy. But even
if I were not pregnant, it would not have been an easy healing. The
primary wound was a nasty one, slashing completely through his collar bone
and biting deep into his shoulder. I am not sure what stopped the wound
from going any further, but had it gone a few inches lower, Eric would be
dead now. Who did this to him? I suppose we'll know when Eric wakes.
The why is obvious. He is the Regent of Amber, after all. I guess
Nicholas isn't the only one who needs bodyguards. Someone should probably
contact Ronan. But what if he was involved in the attempt? What if he
did this to Eric? Maybe we should wait until Eric wakes up. I suppose
the point is moot, for me, at least. There is no Trump of Ronan, him
having arrived so recently. And I lack the strength to cast the talking
bones, right now. I need to sleep. At least I'm too tired to dream.
I finally told Lucien about the dream. All of it. I feel much
better now that I have. The dream must have been caused by my
subconscious, responding to the guilt I feel over what happened with
Shard, and the concerted effort I'd been making not to think about it.
I'm hoping that now that I've finally talked with Lucien about it, I won't
have any more dreams like that one. But, even if it I do...I'm glad we
talked about what happened. It's lifted a weight off of my soul that I
didn't even realize was there.
We discussed a lot of other things, too. The children's
education. Finding out more about my father. Miranda. Lucien finally
admitted that she's being held in Chaos, by Zane. Which only makes it
more important than ever that we find a way to get her out of there,
before Zane has a chance to use her skills for too long. Unfortunately,
this means I can't go along when the attempt is made to free her. Lucien
thinks the baby hinders my fighting ability too much right now. Ha. I'm
still better than Lavender, and she'll likely be going. But I see his
point. There's no telling what could happen if we got into any sort of
prolonged combat. And Lucien would probably spend too much time trying to
protect me. I don't want to be distracting him when he can least afford
it. At least he's going in my place. He has to, really. He's the one
who knows where Miranda is. I still hate the idea of staying behind,
though. I've been pushing this from the beginning. I want to be there
when it ends, not sitting here in Amber and worrying about what might be
going wrong.
I finally asked Lucien where Zane came from. I don't suppose it
really matters all that much, but I was curious. He seemed to come out of
nowhere. Where did such an unknown find the power to take and keep the
throne? The Serpent was partially responsible, but Zane would have to be
more than just a puppet, or he wouldn't have lasted long after its death.
It all makes sense, now, though. He's a Gadlan. And one of Swayvill's
bastards. Apparently, Swayvill couldn't keep his hands off of the serving
maids. So Zane has the heritage to appeal to the hard-liners, who thought
Gramble was too soft, and too friendly with Amber. And Gadlan, as the
servant house, had people in every other house. What better way to gather
information? Who pays attention to servants, after all? Not many people,
judging by what I've observed in Amber and Chaos. Plus, Zane's people
would have been everywhere when he finally decided to move. He must have
been planning this for a while. I think the revolt would have happened
sooner or later, even without the Serpent's intervention. The Serpent
just made it a lot more certain that they would win.
I'm such an idiot, sometimes. I spent so long trying to reawaken
Lucien to who he really was, that I never gave any thought to what would
come next. I should have expected this. Once his conscience was
returned, how could he not be pained by the things he had done while his
heart was a thing of stone? He is off alone somewhere right now, and it
is all my fault. I set this all in motion. I wish I knew what to do. I
don't want him to hurt so, and I can tell the guilt is just eating him up
inside. I wish I could just erase the past. Damn his father, anyway. He
killed his own daughter-in-law, just to make his son a better assassin.
He would have killed his granddaughter, too, if he'd been able to find
her. What did Lucien have to endure to keep that secret from his father?
I don't think I want to know. What a twisted, warped, evil man. I wonder
if he was surprised when Lucien killed him? He probably felt a sense of
triumph, for the only way Lucien could kill him was become him. So the
bastard succeeded after all, and turned his son into the very thing that
he despised. And how many people have suffered because of that, over the
years? Tamaryn, for one. And Foster. And the young man he loved.
Foster probably still blames himself for what happened to the man. Just
as Lucien blames himself for all the abuse that Foster endured. And all
of this pain, and guilt, and suffering, was caused by one man, who hasn't
drawn breath in two millennia. I hope his soul is writhing in agony,
somewhere. There should be no other fate for something so vile.
"Outrageous Fortune"
Ariana's Page |
Ariana's Diaries
Other PC Diaries and
Contributions
All text on this page is © 1996 by Kris Fazzari.
Last modified on November 23, 1996 by Kris Fazzari.