From jlarke@us.itd.umich.edu
Date: Fri, 07 Oct 1994 20:50:05 -0400
From: Jason Larke <jlarke@us.itd.umich.edu>
To: thari@umich.edu
Subject: Ahab's next diary

	Sometimes I hate myself. It's been happening more
lately, too. I have the primal drive not to take shit from
people- this is not news, right? But people fall into two
classes. Some people, I can't get back at. Caine, for
example, it likely to be able to give me shit for the
foreseeable future. He's larger fish than I'm qualified to
fry.

	My daughter, I can get back at. I can even make her
break down in tears. Wow, I'm cool. I'm so clever I awe
myself. If I could give my wife the plague, I'd be 2 for 2.
	OK, she's not my real daughter. But I'm not her real
Dad, and it's still enough to make her cry. I don't think
real is the issue here.

	I don't know why none of the people I love have sane
relationships with me. We always have to tease each other,
or prove something, or prove that we don't have anything to
prove. It's been like that all my life.
	I wonder what it's like for someone that idiot Bart?
After you've proven what you need to prove, it's obviously
not a one way ticket to the Happy Hunting Ground. There's
something weird about him that my limited medical training
doesn't allow me to diagnose. But he seems commendably
stable. He didn't even try to kill me. Commendable, that.

	Shard and Battlestar are a different story. Fuck
that god damn dog, anyway. "No hard feelings?" Yep,
sure. Everyone knows how I never hold a grudge. Nope, not
me. He better be able to get Fiona to testify that Rygat
brainwashed him or something. Otherwise, if I ever get a
chance to do something to him, it's done. And the same goes
double for Shard- he can't exactly claim he was just being
friendly and helping out his old buddy Dalt.

	Normally I can go on and on about things. I could,
for example, talk all about Laughter and people turning
blue, or the perils of Ariana, or how Felix has not lost his
way with words. But right now I'm much more in my Dad's
mood, and the self-pitying parts of his story were not the
ones that moved me. Enough.