If I weren't only seventeen years old, I would probably be trying
harder to kill someone or take something over. But since I am relatively
young, I don't really feel up to it. The things that happened during
Farasa's reign over my body still stir up feelings of guilt somewhere in
the back of my mind... my friends at Suhuy's would find it odd, but not
too strange, since they're all young, like me, and have decades or even
centuries to go before they bother with the true search for power -- and
that is the Logrus.
I should like to take the Logrus, if it's not impossible because
of the Pattern. The Pattern pales next to the rambunctious and malleable
Sigil I've seen used so few times, but I guess the Pattern is stable --
and safe, as long as no one bleeds on it again. I should make it my
personal duty to make sure no one messes it up again -- if I thought that
my talents would be of any aid to the Pattern, or if I thought my talents
wouldn't be wasted there...
What do you want, Rasa? Arcane powers? Reputation? Land?
Authority? Respect? Well, yes, all of those, but mostly I want to be
able to go about my business without anyone stopping me, either because
I'm too innocuous or too much of a bad-ass. Both of those things have
their strengths and weaknesses, of course, and over all, I'd rather be a
bad-ass and die a splendid death than be innocuous and end up in exile
like Flora.... it's hard to know where I fit, being so young and without
any concern from my parent. Or rather, without any legacy from my parent.
Lilith has the throne.... Colin has maliciousness....
It's not parentage that drives anyone else though, is it? Gabriel
functions just fine, trying to do what's right by him and the army. He
had Benedict, even if his real father was a dweeb. I need a goal, besides
the goal of just wasting time until I come into my own. Amend that: I
need a goal, and a path to it.
For now, I'll just work towards the Logrus. It can't hurt.
Back to the Diary list