Here's the thing: I don't know if I like this flying dragon
business. It's making my head hurt, and Colin just brought Alastair
through onto my back as well. Crazy. I mean, I like being useful to the
cause, but, well, I'm a) tired b) not sure what good we're doing up here
anymore c) real worried about Gabriel d) TIRED. I know, I already listed
that once, but I thought I would throw it in again, for good measure.
Just in case maybe Colin makes occasional psychic contact, or something.
I don't understand though, why Boney is invading Amber. We've
still got the Jewel, which makes us in power whether or not he has the
stupid throne, right? That's what I thought.
Where is Gabriel? We wouldn't be overrun if he were here. Darn
it. And what happened to Lilith?
See, what happened was, I found all the cloaks in the castle and
burned them, which was good, since that helped us get rid of them later
when they were trying to keep the castle warm. But screaming cloaks make
me a little edgy. I wasn't expecting them to scream. And I've never
really killed anything other than rabbits and quail before. I've always
thought I wanted to be a doctor if I couldn't be a queen or a high
priestess of something. But not only did I kill cloaks, but I killed real
people today. And it was fun. I was glad I could slice through them,
like a hot knife through butter. They were attacking our home, and they
probably killed Gabriel and Lilith, and all I really wanted was for them
to be dead.
It wasn't like when I'm part of Farasa and we kill something. I
always tell myself that's Farad, not me, and besides, Farasa has her own
agenda and her own way of looking at things that don't include other
people's right to life. Basically, if you are in her way, you're as good
I hate Farasa.
I like me. I want to stay me for a long time, grow up, have kids,
be the queen of something, get married, maybe... I don't know. I
sometimes wonder if things wouldn't be better if I just went to fast-time
Shadows and got it over with. I mean, growing up would still be the same
for me, but I could come back here and deal with these people like one of
them instead of me as I am now.
Or, I could just pretend.
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