Rasa and Duncan are completely useless.  I am making no better
progress with them than I did on my own.  Less, in fact.  I believe it is
time to leave them and return to the Black Road.  It seems to be the only
reliable way to find Amber, instead of returning back to Brand's hell.  He
no doubt has people searching for me.  Stealing the Jewel literally from
under his nose can't have endured me to him.  Guess he shouldn't have
stopped to draw his own Pattern, then.  I still wish there had been some
way for me to kill him there.  On the other hand, I'm thankful that I
pulled it off at all.  Like I had a choice.  I know better than anyone
what an initiate of the Jewel can do with it.  I sure as shite wasn't
going to let Brand keep it.

	OK, it was a stupid risk, but it worked.  What else was I going to
do?  I was dressed up like one of the attackers, and they were stepping on
the Road.  It would have looked a little strange if I suddenly turned
around and ran away.  If they could handle it, I could handle it, right? 
Well, maybe not, but it worked this time.  And I'm much closer to Amber. 
Problem is, it lies on the other side of this battle, and I'm not certain
I can get through it intact.  Perhaps I'm close enough to reach Dad, or
Gerard, or someone who can get me to Amber.

	I did it.  I required Colin's help, but I did it.  How did Brand
manage it on his own?  Pity the attunement left me utterly exhausted.  I
did manage to hold back the attacking armies long enough for our side to
dig in.  Then I slept for a day, despite my cousins best efforts to
disturb me.  Now I need to determine what to do next.  There are two
problems: the existence of Brand's Pattern, and the damage to ours.  I
believe we will have to deal with Brand first.  For one thing, he's trying
to kill me.  Plus, he's bound to interfere if I try repairing our Pattern,
and I won't be able to spare the energy to stop him.  So, we go after
Brand.  Somehow we must reach his Pattern, so I can undraw it with the
Jewel.  If I have the strength.  That's what it comes down to.  I have the
ability to do so much with the Jewel, but it's all limited by my stamina. 
It's times like these that I wish I had Dad's ability to just keep going.

	My life was so much simpler when I was just an attache.  Those
days are gone forever.  With my attunement to the Jewel, there can be no
doubt that I am one of the family.  I could probably manage to conceal it,
but then why did I bother attuning myself?  In order to use the Jewel, I
must end my masquerade.  Not that many remain in the dark at this point. 
Colin saw me walk the Pattern.  Rasa, Sand and Alastair all know of my
attunement.  Farad was no doubt filled in by Brand.  How did he learn who
my father is?  Only Flora knew that.  It hardly matters now.  No, what
matters is stopping Brand before he kills me.  I have no particular desire
to die just yet.

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