I'm sorry, Dad.  I tried my best, I really did.  Things were just
starting to look better, too.  At least a little bit.  We didn't get the
Jewel back, but we did stop Caine, despite Rasa's completely
incomprehensible behavior and Fiona's betrayal.  Bitch.  And I think I
finally figured out what Sean wanted, and it's something I can give him. 
But it's too late, and now none of that matters.

	I thought I'd be more frightened, but it's kind of a relief,
actually.  No more petulant, teenage tantrums.  No more relatives who
change their alliances on a whim, with no apparent rhyme or reason.  No
more insanely powerful madmen turning people into rabbits, or putting
people in blenders.  No more friends turning out to be shapeshifted
assassins.  It's like trying to wrestle with air, and I'm fucking tired of
it.  I'm tired of dealing with people who have the emotional level of a
ten-year-old.  I'm tired of everyone invading Amber when they don't get
their way.  I'm tired of the Jewel being stolen.  I'm tired of having a
position with no power to back it up.  I'm tired of the wrong people
dying, and the right people living.  I'm just sick and tired of
everything.  I think I realized that when I told Gabriel that Duncan had
just tried to kill me, and he just shrugged and left to go fuck Rasa some
more.  When the commander of all your forces leaves you alone in the same
room as the man who tried to kill you, surrounded by guards under the
control of a madman, just so he can screw a teenager, you know there's
just no point to it all, anymore.  So, fuck this noise, anyway.  I can't
say I'll miss this life all that much.  I just hope Farad, Duncan and
Dmitri enjoy my little death curse.  If it makes their life even close to
as miserable as mine has been lately, they will have gotten what they
deserved.  Say "Hi" to Grandpa for me, boys, when he comes back.  I'm sure
he'll love how you've been minding the store.

	I can't hold Dmitri off any longer.  Here goes nothing.  So long
Colin and Rasa.  It's been real.

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