The dude said he was Oberon.  My ass he was.  Like I could
possibly hold Oberon off for so long.  Like Oberon would just show up in
Shadow and steal the Jewel away.  I wish it was him, though.  Then I could
just dump this whole ruling gig on him, and go back to just being plain
old Lilith, Shadow person of no consequence.  If only.  No, I'll never be
able to reclaim that.  I attuned myself to the Jewel.  I fought Brand, and
even held him off, for a time.  With Colin's help, I redrew the fucking
Pattern, for Christ's sake.  I'll never be plain old Lilith again.  But I
do wish that I didn't have to be Regent Lilith.  Everyone's expecting me
to hold it all together, and some days I just don't feel like I know
enough to do it.

	Take the Farad problem, for example.  He's been very helpful, but
he's also insanely powerful, and he's merged with Rasa's mind twice. 
Gabriel wants him dead for driving everyone in that Shadow insane, and I'm
not too cool with that either.  Hell, he wasn't real discriminating when
he turned everyone in the castle into marshmallow's, whether they were
Bonaparte's forces or no.  Even if I don't order his death, Gabriel may go
ahead and do it anyway.  He's like that.

	Which is another problem.  Gabriel has a tendency to go around
doing things like granting asylum without consulting me, then getting
piqued when I call him on it.  What's up with that?  At least he killed
Bonaparte, and saved us the trouble of hunting the bastard down.  I
understood why Bonaparte felt insulted, but invading Golden Circle
kingdoms, and then kidnapping me, was not the way to seek an apology.

	Then we have Alastair, running around doing God knows what.  He
always acts polite and all, but he's also always hip-deep in something,
and he is Eric's son, after all.  Eric, one of the two bastards who's
trying to kill me.  The other is a shapeshifter *way* better than anything
I thought was possible.  He's probably the same one who has the Jewel,
too.  Damn it.

	As for the rest of my so-called "elders," Benedict is off sulking
somewhere, and can't even be contacted when we need him.  He gives Gabriel
a Trump that will reach him, but does he provide one for the Regent?  God
no.  That's something I intend to remedy, at least.  Fiona's always off
doing something she won't talk about, and Flora's out in Shadow, still
following Eric around like a fool.  Gerard is the only one who's tried to
be helpful.

	Of my generation, there are only a few I can count on.  I suppose
Duncan's decent and all, but he kidnapped me.  I know he was under
Bonaparte's control, but it still creeps me out.  Rasa got Dad's sword
back for me, so I owe her big, but it's not fair to place too much on her
head.  She's still just a child, after all.  Bleys is an ass to let her
run around with no parental supervision whatsoever, but he's probably too
busy planing his own invasion.  And then there's Colin.  Fiona's son.  The
last person I would have initially trusted, the one I trust most of all
now, thanks to that mind-meld of ours.  Although he did come out from the
deal better than I did.  My knowledge of the Pattern is much easier to
share than his skill with it.  Yeah, well, life sucks, deal with it.  Time
to get back to work.  There's a castle to rebuild, after all.  And a Jewel
to find.  Again.  Damn I'm getting sick of that item going missing.

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