The problem with being Regent, is that you're actually more
restricted than everyone else. The Jewel is missing, Chaosites have taken
control of Bramber and are trying to access the power remaining in its
Pattern, Farad, the only one who can really help, attacked them on his own
and got captured, and I am stuck here in Amber. When will these fucking
idiots learn? If they keep acting without planning, of course they're
going to fail. At least Duncan had the sense to consult with me. If only
Farad had waited... Now, the only other thing that can help is the Jewel.
If we had it. I couldn't protect the Jewel when I had it, but it seems
that I can't do jack without it.
And then there's Paris. There's obviously much more to him than
he's revealing. I don't trust him, anymore than I trusted "Sand." What's
he after, anyway? God only knows.
I'm beginning to wonder why Dad and Eric wanted this damn job so
badly in the first place. What's the point of being a ruler if no one
bothers to listen to you? I wish Dad was here. Or Benedict. Someone who
knew what they were doing. I'm only 19. I didn't even grow up in a
monarchy, for Christ's sake! What were you thinking, Dad? Where did you
get the idea that I could hold off Eric? Or Bleys? Even you didn't
manage to do more than drive Eric away. And now I have to bury you. I
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