Session 5

So, I've finally met my other half brother. The one who rules over half of reality. I like him. He doesn't feel like the Emperor of Chaos, he feels like a normal guy. I was expecting some hard-to-approach, stuffed shirt type. Kind of like Arthur. But Merlin actually talks like we're family. Which shouldn't be so surprising, except that he's the first sibling I've met who has. He actually shook hands and welcomed me to the family. In a way, it's a shame he has to rule Chaos. I think he'd be fun to hang out with. He and Martin were like a couple of 17-year-olds together. Lyr knows, Martin needed the break.

Merlin had an interesting reaction to the news that his mother is going after Dad again. I believe he groaned and said he didn't want to know that. I was hoping to get more out of him, but then Dad showed up and kind of killed that gossip session. He still looked pretty uncomfortable about the whole thing. I don't get the man. Is he worried he'll ruin his reputation by going back to a woman he's already slept with?

I'll be damned. You know, it never occurred to me that I look anything like Dad. Of course, I don't know why it should have. Until a week or so ago, I'd never even seen him before. But looking at us both in the mirror, standing side by side, I can definitely see it. No wonder Mom and Aunt Llewella were worried that Eric and Random would figure out who my father was. Maybe that explains why Mom never spent much time around me, either.

Shit! Dad actually wants to marry Dara! Not just sleep with her, marry her! I can't believe it! I can't believe he wants to marry anyone. It doesn't fit what Mom and Aunt Llewella have told me about him at all. Could Merlin be wrong? I suppose he could be, but it would explain why Dad's acting so funny about the whole thing. I mean, everyone knows that Dara used him before. If he marries her, everyone's going to think she's just screwing him again, no pun intended, and that he's an idiot for being taken in twice. Maybe Merlin is right about Dara always being interested in him. I suppose he'd know if anyone does. Wow, Dad actually settling down with someone. I can't even imagine it.

OK, that was not what I expected to happen. I just wanted to let Dad know that I wasn't going to hold it against him if he got together with Dara. It's not like I've been holding out hope that he and Mom would reunite, or anything stupid like that. All they ever had between them was a one-night stand. So I figured if I let Dad know this, maybe he'd stop being so damn awkward around me. I wasn't expecting him to spill his guts to me like that. I never suspected he was so...confused, conflicted, unsure of himself. He's actually worried that he might be a lousy husband. He admitted that he's a lousy father. Or rather, not been a father at all. Lyr, he actually asked me for dating advice! Shit, how am I supposed to hate him when he so obviously feels badly about what he's done in the past? He even offered to acknowledge me, despite the fact that it's going to piss Talia off. I brought up the conflict of interest this will cause if Arthur asks me to swear an oath to him, and he said he'll speak to Arthur about it. It's ironic that he asked if I've ever been prepared to hate someone, then met them and found that isn't true anymore. Hell yes! I've been taught to hate him all of my life, and now I think I might actually like the guy. Mom's not going to be happy about this.

What is it with Dad and Talia, anyway? Every time he looks at her, his smile fades. What happened between them? I know he killed her husband, and that would certainly piss me off, but she didn't sound all that upset about it when she told me of it. So what is it? I can't figure out why I seem to be getting along with him better after a week than she is after being in Amber for years.

The various oaths were interesting. Apparently, there isn't any route swearing of fealty among the family. Instead, everyone offered up their own, wildly varying, statements. Aunt Llewella just said that Rebma opens her arms to Amber and accepts Arthur as her king. Nice wording that. It doesn't specify whether she's accepting Arthur as Amber or Rebma's king. Very well done. Wish she'd bothered to tell me that we'd be making up our own oaths. Nothing like frantically trying to come up with an oath that won't get you in trouble later, but won't look disloyal now, in the span of about five minutes. Thanks a lot, Aunt Llewella.

So that's who that woman from the garden is! I thought she might be another half sister, but it turns out she's Katherine, the granddaughter of Talia that I saw in Elysium. Apparently she's passed quite a few years since then. I guess Dad decided to ensure there were no bad feelings by acknowledging us all at once. Obviously, he didn't bother to warn Talia that he was going to do this, since she wound up going before Arthur twice. Heck, Katherine didn't even know she was supposed to be up there with us until Dad mentioned her to Arthur. The intentions were the best, Dad, but you need to work on your planning a bit. I am glad he spoke to Arthur about my oath to Aunt Llewella, though. It made my oath to Arthur decidedly less awkward. He certainly does know how to turn a pretty compliment, I'll give him that. The beauty of Amber and Rebma indeed. Hey, I know he's just bullshitting, but I wasn't going to argue.

Caine didn't say a word to Arthur at all, he just approached, bowed, and then stepped away. Shit, I wasn't expecting him to pledge his undying loyalty, but that was pretty ballsy, even for Caine. But what Torrence did goes beyond ballsy. He just left, without even approaching Arthur or acknowledging him in any way. What could he have been thinking? Arthur can't ignore a slight like that, not at the beginning of his reign. Somehow, I don't think he'll be trying to make Torrence the King of Rebma anytime soon. Wouldn't want people to think he rewards that kind of a slight with power, after all.

There were only two others who didn't approach Arthur: Brand and Fiona. Neither is really much of a surprise. No one would trust an oath of loyalty from Brand, anyway, and the idea of Fiona making an oath to Arthur is laughable, since she's the real power behind the throne. I wonder if Arthur is aware of how much she's controlling him?

Strangeness abounds at the ball. The reports of Chadwick's death were obviously exaggerated, which is a shame. Never have I been treated so rudely by someone I've never even met. And he's supposed to be Flora's son? She must be very disappointed. Maybe that bullet in the head took out the part of his brain where he kept his etiquette and manners. Dana seems awfully fond of him, though, given how much she's hanging out with him. Maybe she's pissed at Jaysen for not letting her know he was alive, and this is her idea of revenge? If that's her game, Jaysen doesn't seem all that bothered by it. We've both been more preoccupied with trying to figure out our mutual brother's behavior. Julian's rangers were holding someone that both Torrence and Arthur took an interest in, and now Torrence is running around in full armor and Julian's hunting outside of the castle. Could that prisoner have been Caliban? Who else would Julian and Torrence be chasing so close to the castle walls?

If it was Caliban, I imagine we'll hear about it in the morning. Arthur is hardly likely to keep quiet about catching Vialle's killer. Personally, I don't mourn overmuch for her, but I am sorry that she died. Had she lived, there was a chance that someday she would be shown to be the manipulative bitch she is. Was. But now, having died so tragically...no one will ever think a single ill thought about her. I will be glad to see this Caliban caught, though, for I do mourn the death of Vialle's children. Unlike Vialle, they were innocents, and there was no reason to kill them. Lyr knows, they were in no position to inherit their father's title, and if Caliban was worried about their seeking vengeance, there's a long line of people ahead of them. Although their death did cause Random to experience the horrible pain of losing your child. The same pain that Bleys experienced, when Random killed his daughter. And Mother, when my sister killed herself. And Lyr knows who else. I wish they hadn't died, but since they did, I'm glad that Random lived long enough to suffer from it.

I tried to talk to Katherine when she got done dancing with Dad, but she was surprisingly awkward about it. Although the fact that she's staying with Talia might explain it. Lyr knows what Talia's been telling her. Why the hell does she need a chaperone, anyway? She can't be much younger than I am. Whatever the reason, Talia obviously is trying to keep her on a tight leash, judging by the amount of time Katherine spent trying to escape her. It's all very odd. Well, it's not like we'd have a lot to talk about, anyway, other than our common relatives. She was raised by two men, after all, one of them a shapeshifting deviant. Maybe that's why she acts so strangely.

Shit, does Talia get along with anyone in the family? When she kissed Merlin on the cheek, he actually tensed! Weird. Wonder what she did to piss him off? He left the ball pretty soon afterward, although not before asking what I said to Dad earlier. Dad certainly has been spending a lot of time with Dara tonight, but I'm not quite egotistical enough to think that my words to him played a major part in that.

Martin can be the source of some interesting information, sometimes. Brand's taken the Logrus, but Dara won't. That can't make her very popular in Chaos. Maybe Merlin was right about her intentions. I wonder when Brand took the Logrus? Martin thinks it causes insanity, and if you take it after the Pattern, the insanity is permanent. Which would explain a lot about Brand. He gives me the creeps. Martin actually broke into a sweat when he walked by, but I don't blame him. Brand nearly killed him, after all, and he thinks Brand still wants to finish the job. More of Martin's paranoia? Could be, but if I were Martin, I wouldn't take any chances either.

I finally danced with Stefan, which is always fun, even if we did spend most of the dance talking about Torrence and his recent behavior. Sometimes it seems like all we ever talk about lately is Torrence or Rebma's future. It didn't used to be that way. Maybe once things settle down in Amber, things will return to the way they were. Of course, who knows how long that will take?

Dad seems to be in remarkably good spirits. He even tore himself away from Dara long enough to dance with me. Which probably pissed Aunt Llewella off, but that didn't occur to me at the time. Why do I sense a lecture in my future?

I've changed my mind about why Dana was spending so much time with Chadwick. I don't think she was trying to make Jaysen jealous. She just gets around. She's obviously slept with Caine. Hell, she's the figurehead on his flagship! Ick. What's she trying to do, sleep with every male in the family? If I were her, I'd be mortified. A figurehead! I don't know why I didn't make the connection until she curtseyed. I guess it just never occurred to me that anyone in the family would be the basis for one of those. How embarrassing. This sort of thing is exactly why it's a bad idea to sleep with family members.

So instead of simply enjoying a good game of cards, I had to listen to Caine bitch about Dana while trying not to sound like he's bitching about her. I think it hurt his ego that she's moved on. So what does he do? Tries to get me to take her place! What a typical male response. Like I'd sleep with any man as a substitute, even if they weren't family. At least I managed to wriggle out of the offer without making Caine even more pissy. I don't want to sleep with him, I just want to hang out with him! Thanks a lot, Dana, for creating such a wonderfully awkward situation.

Everything is reversed in Amber. People I expected to despise, I find I like. People I expected to like, I feel nothing but coldness for. Dad acknowledges me almost immediately, despite the fact that I was rather blunt when I first met him about what I thought of his behavior, while Talia spends years trying to be the dutiful daughter before she earns the same recognition. Caine spends most of a cut-throat poker game whining into his beer about Dana, then tries to get me to take her place. Grown adults act like children, and those famous for their manners have none. It makes no sense. No wonder Aunt Llewella doesn't spend that much time here.

Last modified on April 24, 1998 by Kris Fazzari.