Session 31: "Are you planning on being an idiot for the rest of your life?"

	Cameron watches the beheading of Lark and smiles, because he's
just that kind of guy.  The Hendrake demons are then attacked by the
Halybard ones.  Unfortunately, Cameron and Sylvie are disguised as
Hendrake demons.  Fortunately for them, the Amber gang didn't leave too
many of the Halybard demons alive.  Sylvie takes the intelligent way out,
by slashing her arm and falling back.  Cameron falls back without benefit
of an injury, so the Hendrakes attack him as a traitor.  It must be his
charm and winning smile.  The lead Hendrake demon emerges with a bloody
eye/jewel and Trumps out, which pretty much ends the fight.  Cameron's
mom, also disguised as a demon, grabs his arm, calls him an idiot, and
smacks him.  He's glad to see her too.  She Trumps out with him, but
Sylvie grabs his leg, so he's not rid of her that easily.  Rhiannon
reveals that House Vertix was in on the plot, and they're going to be
drawing a Pattern.  She spent four months undercover in the demon
underworld, to make sure everything worked out.  Then who did Caine marry? 
Oh, just a double she left to keep him entertained.  Cameron thoughtfully
informs her that Caine must have liked her double a lot, since she's borne
him a son.  This doesn't seem to bother Rhiannon, who figures she'll kill
the double.

	Sandr goes looking for Random with his handy-dandy Pattern lens
and notices that someone is using the Jewel to make Shadow paths harder to
travel.  He files this under "things that are bad" and keeps looking.  He
finds Martin and Llewella in Rebma, Eric, Caine and Gerard in the castle
dungeons, and an unidentifiable man carousing in a tavern in Amber.  He's
big, swarthy, and the only Amberite in the city.  Sandr decides to leave
him alone, since he's probably the only Amberite Sandr hasn't pissed off
yet.  By now, it's about 2:00 in the afternoon, for those who care.  Sandr
finds Archi with Laughter and fills him in on the cheery news that Random
is nowhere to be found.  Archi says he has to stay in Foil for a while,
but Sandr is free to go.  Sandr takes the hint and leaves. 

	Archi and Laughter go out to the barracks to question Vain,
Archi's idiot son.  Apparently Maron arrived in Kalevala, showed him a
Trump of Archi, and co-opted his army.  His sister is currently leading
their army, and he has another sibling besides.  The log isn't clear if
these are more of Archi's progeny, but it wouldn't be surprising.  Vain
brags that he'll join in the war as soon as Archi is foolish enough to
release him.  The boy obviously has shit for brains.  He also reveals that
Maron used to be married to a Shadow of Laughter, which may explain why he
wants to kill Archi.  One of the other two armies belongs to Shandril, who
may be sleeping with Maron.  He's clueless as to who the other one belongs
to.  He's pretty much clueless in general.  Archi takes him on a quick
tour of Shadow, to try and dissuade him from any more invasions, then has
Laughter tree the lad, to keep him from escaping or doing something even
more stupid. 

	Sandr finds Melanie and tells her what he found, or rather didn't
find.  He wants to leave Foil and go off into Shadow.  Melanie doesn't try
to dissuade him.  He also tells her of the argument he had with Ulysses
and accidentally lets slip that they were lovers.  Doh! 

	Ulysses joins Archi and gets updated on the situation.  He can't
reach Random, which isn't too surprising, since no one else can either. 
He explains to Archi that warm Trumps aren't good in general, but not to
worry.  Archi reluctantly admits that Vain is his son, as if the hair and
lack of brains weren't a dead giveaway.  Laughter tries to contact Fiona
and fails.  Ulysses reaches Flora, who won't say where she is over Trump,
but instead pulls him through.  She tells him that Random is either dead
of permanently missing.  How helpful.  She also tells him that all those
who went into battle against the three armies are either in the dungeon or
missing.  Even more helpful.  So basically, she doesn't know anything
useful. 

	Archi Trumps Llewella, who opts to come through to him.  She
confirms that Finndo has taken the throne, in spades.  Not that there was
much doubt about this.  She admits that she pulled Corwin through from a
bad fight, he walked the Pattern in Rebma, and left.  Vialle is currently
with Llewella, and the child she carries is fine.  Which means Finndo
doesn't know about it.  On the bright side, at least no one actually saw
Random die.  Llewella asks Archi to send someone to check what's at the
center of the Primal Pattern, since whatever's there is casting nasty
Shadows.  Archi asks Ulysses to have Sandr do it.  Bad choice.  Sandr
could care less about this, especially since Ulysses is doing the asking. 
Several unkind words are exchanged and Sandr refuses to help.  Ulysses and
Laughter find that Bleys and Mandor are also suffering from warm Trump
syndrome, which pretty much covers anyone with any real power.  Except for
Tianen, but Ulysses isn't real eager to talk to her right now. 

	Cameron asks Rhiannon who the double was and learns it was her
Shadow.  Caine does it all the time, after all.  Sylvie Trumps Ulysses,
who invites her to come through to Foil.  To everyone's dismay, she brings
Cameron with her.  Cameron tells them that the Hendrakes got an eye after
all, just in case the day didn't seem bad enough.  Ulysses occupies
himself by sorting his Trumps into piles: elders who are in the dungeon
and elders who aren't answering.  When this is done, there are no Trumps
remaining.  This does not make a happy camper out of Ulysses. 

	Sandr shifts away from Foil until he reaches a forest, then
decides to take a look at the Primal Pattern anyway.  He sees Mandor
standing in the center, trying really hard not to move.  Sucks to be him. 
Sandr kindly teleports Mandor off the center.  Mandor says he is in
Sandr's debt, then Logruses his butt away from the Pattern as fast as he
possibly can.  Sandr teleports to San Francisco and collapses from way too
much mental Pattern walking. 

	Archi gets a Trump call and doesn't look happy.  He asks Ulysses
if he has a Trump of Sky, and if not, can he make one.  He paces while
Ulysses works.  Laughter asks what's going on, but Archi claims it's just
been a bad day.  Laughter doesn't buy this for a second.  Melanie wanders
in and catches up on recent events.  Archi asks if anyone has access to
the Logrus, since the Shadow paths are being blocked.  Neither Melanie,
Cameron or Sylvie admit to having this skill. 

	Sandr gets hit by a Shadow storm caused by the massive Pattern
party going on in Chaos.  When he picks himself up again, he finds a
strange Trump.  Well, actually, he only finds a corner of one, which is
even stranger.  When he looks at it, it activates and shows a study, so
naturally he goes through.  Some exploration produces several of Brand's
journals.  Sandr decides to hang around and read them, since he's in dire
need of a good bedtime story.  One journal covers Melanie's upbringing,
which mostly consisted of teaching her lady-like behavior.  Why Brand
cared is anyone's guess.  The journal on Maron's upbringing consists of
Brand writing "Damn Cymnea, anyway." repeatedly and commenting that Chaos
people are almost as weak as Shadow people, who should be shot.  The most
interesting journal deals with becoming a living Trump, and explains that
you need collect lots of Pattern and Logrus energy to do it.  Having
memorized all of these, Sandr decides to do some further exploration.  He
finds a long, dark hallway, and decides to do the next best thing to
yelling out "Come and get me!"  He casts a light spell.  Sure enough, he
runs smack dab into five minotaurs, who grab him.  He fries some of their
brains, but they call in reinforcements and manage to subdue him. 

	Archi and Ulysses try Sky's Trump, but it's blocked. 
Fortunately, they can trace it.  Now why couldn't they do this with
someone useful, like Fiona?  Oh, that's right, she's in the Abyss.  We
think.  Archi won't let Laughter come along, because she's his wife.  One
wonders why she married him.  After a while, the dynamic duo comes across
an unconscious man with green hair.  Yes, you guessed it, it's another one
of Archi's idiot sons.  He's a reproductive powerhouse, he is.  Too bad
all of his kids put together still don't have enough brain power to light
a candle.  They ignore the urge to just ride by and forget they ever saw
him, throw the poor sap on a horse and take him along.  Sleeping Beauty
finally wakes up and promptly falls off the horse, at which point they
realize that he's Sky's father.  After a rousing chorus of "Get back on
the horse, dammit" from Ulysses, dumbshit realizes that his daughter is in
danger and they proceed.  Ulysses continues to be at his sarcastic finest,
and gets dumped from his horse many times by Archi for his pains, due to
the fact that most of the comments are made about Archi, and they aren't
flattering.  Larry, Moe and Curly finally manage to get underway, but
don't make much progress before they are hit by a Shadow storm.  At this
point dumbshit (who's name we finally learn is Flynn) says "Not this
again." and they are knocked back to Ygg.  They try again, attempting to
edit out the storm.  They fail, and find themselves near Arden this time. 
They do an excellent Monty Python impression and run away. 

	A day and a half passes in Foil while this silliness goes on. 
Melanie asks if perhaps they shouldn't check on the missing links. 
Laughter Trumps them and is nonplused about how Archi's spawn keeps
turning up.  Archi is less than thrilled when he recalls that she can
watch him through his wedding ring, and has no doubt been much amused by
their progress, or lack thereof.  Laughter comes through to tell them that
Dworkin paid her a visit last night, and told her that new Patterns are
being drawn at a rate of about six per hour, or day, or something like
that.  Also, Sylvie is busily donating her blood to the "Erase the
Atherton Pattern" cause, and Beauty's back from Hendrake and just about
ready to pop.  Ulysses looks ill.  He and Archi seem to be competing for
the title of "most fucked up father," although currently Archi has a
promising lead. 

	Sandr wakes up naked, missing even the cast around his broken
foot.  He is carried by the minotaurs into the audience chamber of Castle
Amber, and his hair prickles like it did in the Labyrinth.  Then he starts
to hear derogatory voices in his head.  Finndo sits on the throne and
expresses his disappointment in Sandr.  Sandr responds by bitching about
the hospitality and gets kicked in the face for his troubles.  Good thing
Finndo didn't aim a little lower.  Finndo tells Maron that Sandr doesn't
appear to have changed and orders him taken to the dungeon.  But first, he
attaches one of those Pattern blocking manacles.  Doh!  Suddenly Sandr is
falling all over himself to avoid being tossed in the dungeon, but his
pleas are roundly ignored.  He takes over the mind of one of the
minotaurs, but the others kill it when it puts him down.  Sandr plays
mind-fuck the minotaurs for a while, until he gets picked up by a Logrus
tendril and tossed into a cell.  He is left to contemplate how his day has
turned to complete shit. 

	Laughter returns with Flynn, since Archi decided that three idiots
are *not* better than two.  Melanie and Cameron make small talk with him
and manage to make him very nervous.  Laughter decides she can't handle
this and goes to bed. 

	Archi and Ulysses find Sky in Nazi-land and get her out of there. 
They return to Foil, where Sky explains that she fell through a Trump hole
and landed in Sandr's room, where he rescued her from the guards.  Just
the fact that he succeeded makes them inclined to think it wasn't Sandr. 
That and the fact that Sandr can't draw Trump for shit.  The whole thing
is blamed on Maron, as the next available son of Brand.  Since this rescue
mission worked so well, Ulysses brings up Fiona and Bleys, who must be
someplace nasty, like the Abyss, in order for their Trumps to be blocked. 
He wants to go after them.  He is roundly ignored. 

	By some amazing stroke of good fortune, Sandr was placed in
Corwin's old cell.  Minotaurs are pretty stupid.  Sandr wastes no time
escaping via the Cabra lighthouse wall Trump, which leaves him naked and
alone on the island with a broken foot.  After painfully dragging himself
to the lighthouse, only to find there's no one there, and a nice slide
down a steep hillside, in which he determines that gravel and bare skin
don't mix, he manages to launch the only rowboat left on the island and
heads for Rebma.  Naturally, the boat begins to leak.  He teleports the
rest of the way to Faiella-bionin, descends to the city, and robs the
first house he comes across for some clothing, thus sparing the general
populace from the sight of his naked bod.  At this point, his amulet comes
bounding down the stairs after him, warning that he's in danger.  No
kidding.  Sandr decides that maybe giving the amulet to Mok was a bad
idea, since shit like this never happens to Mok.  Then he hears more
voices saying nasty things about him.  Bedraggled and confused, he finds
Martin and asks for help, but Martin can't help anyone who's running from
Finndo.  However, Sandr could take a Trump from his deck while he wasn't
paying attention.  But not Laughter.  Or Archimedes.  Or Ulysses.  Here,
try Cameron, no one ever wants to talk to him.  Sandr does so, for lack of
any other options. 

	Cameron gets this constipated look on his face.  Melanie touches
his arm and asks if he's all right, using this as a cover to figure out
who's calling.  She realizes it's Sandr and lets go real quick.  Sandr
offers anything Cameron wants in exchange for being pulled through.  Never
one to pass up such a golden opportunity, Cameron does this thing. 
Sandr's pretty incoherent and starts babbling about hacksaws, morphine and
doctors.  And, oh yeah, he has something to tell Melanie later.  Everyone
thinks he's nuts.  Well, nuttier than he usually is.  He asks Cameron to
get the bracelet off.  Cameron offers to remove the hand, but Sandr likes
this idea not at all, so Cameron tries shrinking his arm.  Unfortunately,
the bracelet shrinks as well and Sandr lets out quite a scream.  And guess
what?  The bracelet doesn't expand.  This leaves Sandr with a nicely
deformed arm.  Not to mention whatever else Cameron did while he had
control of Sandr's body.  At least he healed Sandr's broken foot.  Sandr
hears more voices saying nasty things about him and starts telling them to
shut up.  Archimedes morphines the boy, and peace reigns once more. 

	Cameron shapeshifts to look like someone else, turns invisible for
good measure, and sneaks into Sandr's room in the middle of the night.  He
places the ring Shandril gave him on Sandr's finger and Sandr vanishes. 
Cameron leaves, while the GM tries to recall exactly what that ring
actually does. 

	Melanie Trumps Shandril and they discuss Sandr's current state. 
Shandril reveals that he was found wandering around beneath Kolvir. 
Neither of them can figure out what possessed him to do something so
monumentally stupid.  Shandril also mentions that Maron activated the
spell that's causing all those voices Sandr is hearing.  Oh, and she's now
at war with Maron and Finndo.  Apparently Maron is obsessed with Laughter,
and Shandril likes this not at all.  She is currently watching Eve and
making sure the poor child doesn't run into Laughter. 

	Melanie Trumps Tianen next and catches up on things in Chaos. 
Actually, Tianen is near Ygg, seeking cover from the Shadow storms.  Only
Atherton has yet to draw its Pattern, and they expect all hell to break
loose when once they do, as the houses squabble over possession of the
eye.  On the bright side, the Courts will be relatively empty.  Melanie
informs Tianen that Sylvie is storing up her own supply of Atherton
Pattern eraser fluid.  Tianen resolves to talk to her daughter about being
stupid. 

	Sandr is noticeably absent at breakfast, but no one seems to care. 
Ulysses once again brings up his plan to go to the Abyss in search of
Bleys and Fiona.  He is underwhelmed by the lack of enthusiasm he
receives. 

	Sandr wakes up to find himself back in Shandril's maze, minus his
laser pistol this time.  He decides that some days there's just no point
in getting out of bed, and goes back to sleep. 


Quotables:

"I'll be subtle and non obvious about leaving." -- Cameron to GM

"They're starting to scream traitor as you try and leave." -- GM
"Well, I'll kill all the way." -- Cameron

"Are you planning on being an idiot for the rest of your life?" -- Rhiannon

"Well, you see, Sally Struthers doesn't have any career opportunity
schools in Chaos, so yes." -- Cameron "Now she does smack you." -- GM

"I die hard." -- Archi
"Well, that will keep Laughter happy." -- Dann

"I'm trying to figure out who I didn't have yet." -- Kris

"(Flynn) appears to have been dropped on his head by the Shadow storm." -- GM
"Well, if he landed on his head, he didn't break anything important." -- Archi

"I left my daughter behind many years ago." -- Flynn

"Yeah, well now your daughter has caught up with you, so get on the god
damn horse." -- Ulysses

"I'm curious, if you are my father, why did you leave me?" -- Flynn
"That's a story you really don't want to hear." -- Archi
"Alcohol bender." -- Ulysses

"This is shitty hospitality." -- Sandr to Finndo
"(Finndo) kicks you in the face." -- GM

"OK, so I guess I'll have to get out of the boat and walk the rest of the
way to Rebma." -- Sandr

"I hope you bring the boat to shore first." -- Kris

"I may as well limp my way to Rebma and see who kicks my ass." -- Sandr

"Did you know you're in danger?" -- Sandr's amulet
"No shit!" -- Sandr

"Give me a list of which (Trumps) I can take." -- Sandr
"Why don't you take Cameron's?" -- Martin

"No, don't remove my hand." -- Sandr
"Well, we can put it back." -- Cameron

"Sandr, you wake up in the labyrinth." -- GM
"I go back to sleep." -- Sandr