What have I done? That was not my plan at all. It's not that I
do not like Claudio (I obviously do), but I had other plans. I was going
to try to sneak away and find Corwin. I think that neither I nor anyone I
know would respect me if I did that to Claudio. Besides, I do not wish to
alienate him like that. I would miss his friendship if he were to get
upset with me.
I guess I just got tired of feeling so isolated. I wish I would
have thought things through!!! I never expected that, and of course it
was me entertaining one of Laughter's crazy schemes. The thing is, it
appears that Grandfather had a hand in this nasty plot, too.
Now I have to decide what to do with this relationship with
Claudio that came from out of nowhere, and I have to hope Father does not
find out. That would just make an uncomfortable situation worse.
I have no idea what caused me to be so comfortable in that
situation, when I had never considered Claudio as a mate and I had never
had any experience in that sort of thing. What was I thinking?! How in
Amber did I allow such a thing to occur? How did I go from frustration at
Claudio to a bath tub to Claudio in my bed???? This is not me. I do not
do things like this. I had never thought Claudio even wanted me, much
less that I wanted him. Now he plans to pledge his fidelity to me! Not
that a relationship with him wouldn't have its rewards, but I have a
feeling he would be even more serious in his guardian functions. I would
never tolerate the kind of overprotectiveness that Grandfather imposes on
Laughter. It may work for them, but I will not tolerate it.
What do I do now? I told Claudio that we should wait things out
and see what happens. I am not ready for marriage!! How did I manage to
blindly walk into this situation?
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