Electronic Log on the EDI
* * * * * *
My cats, I think, have eaten my diary, because it's no where to be
found. There is also a strange, manipulatively cute and cuddly toddler
(I'm biased) running around destroying things at random who could have
been the cause.
Anyway, I'm going to keep my log on Eddie from now on. He's just
been through another upgrade. Only mildly painful this time, as I
installed an upgrade of some scripts in the database. I think Eddie runs
the Intellex and most of the surrounding Shadows, but I'm not sure. He's
still bugged about this other Eddie he detected, but it could be that he's
gathered enough energy to start reflecting.
* * * * * *
I received a Trump call from Ulysses. More of a Trump
contact/brain melt. He, of course, wants to destroy Patterns. Not only
that, but he wants to do it himself, to see what he gets out of it. He
reassured me that Chaosites don't die when their homes are destroyed, but
they DO get dumped in the Abyss. So that after they climb out, they can
either face the swords of the legions of Chaos, or Oberon, Jr. and his
Amazing Zotsing Bauble. Doesn't seem like much of a choice to me. But
hey, I don't get a say in things. If I did, I'd offer the homeless
shelter and asylum until they could get back on their feet. But that's
Anyway, we talked about STUFF. He turned down a dinner
invitation. Bummer. I was all ready with my new, nifty, spatzel maker.
Never turn down a German and his Spatzels. They WILL haunt you.
* * * * * *
I've put Nadine down for the night. She wanted to stay up and
hang out with what she proclaimed was "Her New Best-Friend." I would
assume that she means Caitlin.
I finally hoodwinked someone into coming over and hanging out. It
was just me and Nadine tonight, with Anton off working the last stretch
for his Summer Opener. And, of course, Melanie's elsewhere (thank you
God). It was just Nadine and I, settling in for sit-coms, mac & cheese
But I got Trumped by Caitlin, and she looked all lonely and
dejected. She came through, and told me all about her Ulysses fiasco. I
felt really badly. But what could I do?
I made her dinner, and took her to buy some clothing. She seemed
to cheer up, and I decided to do something about this before it got out of
hand in the morning.
* * * * * *
The only woman I can think of in my life who is an Amberite that I
trust is Laughter. My sister is female in the biological sense, but she's
a COMPLETE vegisexual in the psychological sense.
Caitlin didn't want things divulged, but I had to go and get some
advice. It didn't go all that well, but I think Laughter got the message.
She promised to talk to Caitlin about "Womanly Things." I have no idea
what these things are, and don't WANT to know. Something called "Womanly
Things" scares the beejesus out of me.
But, I felt better. At least someone would say something. If
Ulysses gets Caitlin pregnant, it's all over for the lot of us. :)
Well, Ulysses hasn't called. We were SUPPOSED to go and see
Dworkin. But he pulled a no-Trump, so I'm going myself.
Has it really only been an hour and a half here?
I have a story.
But my brain is a little shaky right now. It's hard to think. 10
days without my pills, and I'm well near totally useless.
I went out to Ygg to find Dworkin, but the big D wasn't there. I
mean, he's ALWAYS there, but not he wasn't there, and I don't know what
was up with that. So I'm standing there contemplating this Dworkin Gap,
when I get a Trump call from Caitlin. She tells me that she's about to be
used to draw a Pattern-compliant universe, can I talk to these people?
They agreed to give me free passage and free Trump and would be fine as
long as I was nonviolent, so I figured the least I could do was talk to
them. Hey, not only was I unarmed, I wasn't even wearing socks.
But, as it turned out, Caitlin was donating blood against her
will, and they had Laughter and her children captive. And now that I
knew, they had me as well. I got one free phone call. So the situation
The Hendrake's had their universe destroyed some time ago. Most
of them survived, and the ones that ended up in our universe regrouped.
They built a little island of reality out of Chaos in the center of the
Badlands, where they wouldn't be detected. Their Resident Cosmic Power
Weenie had come to the conclusion that, if a Pattern was drawn by someone
with the blood of both Amber AND Hendrake, then they could have a Pattern
to themselves that wouldn't interfere with ours. This is probably true.
Two problems: Caitlin was the only one around with this blood, and that
they needed the Jewel of Judgment.
I can't say that I didn't feel for their plight, because I *did.*
This is something that I've been saying is going to happen with these
people. They can't go back to Chaos and they feel they can't approach us.
Except me, apparently. But they just went about it the wrong way. If
they would have approached myself or one of the Elders, then maybe we
could have beat the hell out of Amber (metaphorically) until something was
done. Maybe I could have talked Caitlin into donating. But kidnapping
and ransom is just not the way to go about doing things. It's just not.
They grabbed Ulysses too. (Which explains the lack of Trump
call.) I can't even begin to fathom why they did this. Ulysses is hostile
and violent nowadays to anything that he doesn't like. He's an
overpowered Archimedes weenie in training. And not prone to be reasonable
to Chaosites. Hell, he wants to wax his Chaosite side of the family, and
boasts about it. I don't know how they thought having him was going to
There was a fight. Ulysses gave Caitlin's sword to Laughter.
Then, when Caitlin attempted to stop them from committing untold mayhem
and creating terminal bad hair, Ulysses socked her in the mouth. And he
punched other people, an unsociable habit he seems to have picked up.
They had to pile on him to get him to stop. Me, I stood back and held the
babies (what a manly thing to do, um). I told them that I wouldn't fight,
and I didn't. Not much point in getting my faced turned into so much
pate'. But whatever. It ended badly with people mad at other people.
Well, that solved one of my major problems. The whole
Caitlin-Ulysses thing was pretty much over. Unless she's into
sado-masochism. In that case, I have this friend she really ought to
meet. But she doesn't look like the punch-em and love-em type.
The Hendrakes beefed up security, and we spent the next ten days
hanging around this castle, looking nervous and bugged. Ulysses walked
around with this perpetually pissed look on his face. Caitlin looked pale
(she was giving blood). I just hung out. Hell, they weren't going to
hurt me. The accommodations weren't bad. It's just that I was separated
from my family. And worse, I was separated from my medication. Nothing
like being depressed and then WHAMMO! being REALLY depressed. It's lots
At the ten day mark, things changed. We were sitting around, and
all the sudden, my ears pop. Pattern turned on, like a light switch. The
next thing I know, I'm being pushed through a Trump with a child in my
arms to Amber. So, I gave the child to Laughter, and went back. Zingo.
(I'm cool that way.)
By the time I arrived, it was pretty much all over. I helped fry
a few, but most had already been beheaded.
Me, I got to witness a really unfortunate scene: Archimedes had
decided to hold Caitlin's aunt (the woman in charge of it all) to the
last. Caitlin stood there and pleaded for the woman's life. Archimedes
shrugged, and broke her neck. He sighted "High Treason." (Don't you have
to be loyal to something before you can be a traitor to it? I don't think
fighting for your own side is considered treason.)
I thought it was a little unnecessary. What's up with all this
murdering family members in front of us? Is this some sort of show of
superiority or manliness? I don't know. All I know is that it makes me
After getting a glaring look of hate from Archimedes, we returned
to Amber. My god, does that man hate me.
In the end, after all that, the only thing I got from either
Laughter or Archimedes was "dismissed."
I give up. I really do. I fight with them, I watch over their
children. And I can't please any of them. There is no way I can make
them happy. I don't want my neck broken. I don't want Nadine's neck
broken. And whenever I'm in the presence of Archimedes, I'm afraid for
the lives of my entire family. I have to be good, or he might go berserk
and kill them all.
I just love living in a reign of terror.
I just finished talking to Fiona about Melanie's plan to separate
the universes. She talks to me like I'm two and I'm stupid. I'm really
really getting sick of this patronizing shit. Melanie talks about Fiona
like she's our only hope for saving the universes, but I think our only
hope is ourselves. It's not a bad plan, but it has its problems.
I have seen the enemy, and it is ourselves.
I finished talking with Caitlin (I'm mighty popular today).
I feel awful. I did something stupid when we were hostages, just
in case we were going to be together in close quarters for a long, long
time. And I had to explain to her that I love Anton, and, under normal
circumstances, I'm not ready to throw it away.
But she's had a really bad day. I offered for her to come here
for a while if she wants to or needs to.
I think my niece is dead, and my brother is a vegetable now. And
my sister is hysterical and lost in the Abyss.
An hour ago, Maron tried his little trick with the Eye. And it
didn't work. It destroyed his universe. He pretty much committed
suicide. Since his choices dictated by Amber were either wait for Ulysses
to come and kill him, or kill himself, he chose the latter. I can't say
that I blame him.
Eddie told me, and I broke my contact with Caitlin. Melanie and I
went to Ygg, and watched it happen. Then she started screaming and she
waded into the Abyss. She won't return until she finds something, even if
it's just bodies. Eddie can't follow her, she may be lost as well. I'm
I'd be depressed, but I took a load of tranqs when I got home, and
now I can't feel anything. Started to get really really depressed and
squashed it. I'll feel it later, but I've already called the shrink, to
let him know what happened.
It's kind of funny. I no longer see the point in fighting. It's
just an uphill battle, I have no allies, I'm all alone out here. The
forces that be just don't listen to me.
Hey, I'm whining. Cool.
I wonder how long before I get formally banished? I wonder if yon
Oberon, Jr. of Death has it on his calendar? That would be cooool.
Well, the facts are this:
A) Amberites have killed off most of my family, directly or
B) Their Leader hates me like there's no tomorrow.
C) I'm afraid to take my kid to Amber, in fear that their happy
Leader will freak out and do something to her. (Like breaking of
neck or beheading.) He's up there with Dad on the fright scale now.
D) I can't get help or cooperation. I just get run arounds and
E) It's not worth it.
We have returned to the reign of Oberon. Long live the King.
I'm sleepy. Way sleepy. Time to unplug...................
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