My room is one of the few places that I really feel comfortable. 
My clothes are all over the floor, my shelves are covered with my Star
Trek novels, and Jimmie Hendrix plays his guitar over my bed.  Fred (my
bear, a gift from Bleys) is staring at me fro m my bed - he makes me feel
better.  It's childish, I know, but sometimes I need all the friends I can
get, and an unconditional one is pretty good when you're down.  I'm pretty
friendless at the moment, so I do the best I can.

	I'm sitting on my bed, getting ready for bed, thinking about
taking advantage of the electricity, and contemplating my day.

Things that really sucked:

	Brand - Why does my father have to be only occasionally dead?  Why
can't he make up his mind?  Archimedes tried to put the news across as
gently as possible.  I'm not going to worry, though.  From what I've been
able to gather, I doubt he really cares if I'm alive or dead, so I doubt
I'll be seeing him, except from far away.

	Melanie - I worry.  She talks about information and selling what's
in her head, and playing all sorts of games.  She sounds like I did before
the Finndo disaster.  I made all sorts of mistakes, and I just pray that
the same doesn't happen to her.

	I had this horrible nightmare last night:

	We were in this room, my sister and I, with most of the others. 
It was a cramped room, with painted concrete floor and ceiling.  The door
opened, and I was grabbed from behind by anonymous hands.  I was shoved
onto my knees, and forced to watch as Ulysses came in decked out in the
awful armor of his, and started beating the hell out of my sister with his
metal fists.  I was forced to watch.  When she fell to the ground, he
proceeded to jump on her head a la Finndo, shouting as she died: "That's
what you GET for not being loyal to Amber, bitch!"

	Anyway, I woke up, found the bathroom, and lost my dinner.  I
heaved until it hurt.  And then I went back to bed.

	It's funny.  After what he did, and then how he looked/talked to
me yesterday, I'm more terrified of Ulysses right now than I am of my Dad. 
Dad, I know pretty much what to expect.  But Ulysses... he CAN kill, and
he doesn't really care how it happens.  The first death he caused
apparently didn't bother him all that much, and he doesn't mind causing
pain.  And after what Melanie said to me about loyalty and Amber and all,
I get very worried for the both of us.  I couldn't handle another brutal
death in my family.

	I hope that if I do the proper displays of loyalty to Amber, and
do what everyone wants me to do, and be properly submissive and
respectful, I can protect both of us when the time comes.

	*sigh*  It's been a long time since I've been like this - living in
terror that if I'm not right and proper that someone I love might be hurt. 
But it's a familiar feeling, with just a new source.

Things that were sort of blah:

	Maron: Archimedes told me to hang Maron/Brand detection spells,
tipping off that he knows that my elder brother is alive.  Then during the
conversation with Melanie, she told me not to tell Archimedes that Maron
was alive, AFTER I told her I was hanging spells to detect him for our
Fearless Leader.  She must have just been on cloud 9.

	Hanging Spells: Pretty boring.  But I messed with the spell, and I
tried to make it a 'Go off BEFORE said victim goes in the door, not

	War Council: Archimedes had me come, just to make sure that he had
firepower should things go wildly out of control.  But nothing did, and I
had to wait for a couple of hours for things to finish.  But I did get a
little more of my concerto done.

	Trumps: I can paint them.  Yeah.  But they look like something out
of the more violent comic books.  Fiona told me that I needed practice. 

Things that were cool:

	Medication: Archimedes is now giving me my pills, which includes
lithium carbonate in time-release capsules for my moods, Valium for when
I'm bummed, and sleep-pills for my nightmares.  Hopefully, it'll make my
life easier.

	Being in fashion: Flora has the same kind of black eye that I was
sporting.  Must be all the rage.  :) Good to be in fashion again.

	Bleys: Okay, this one is a story.  Fiona came in, critiqued my
artwork, and told me that Bleys needed help, since he won't speak.  Not
that he can't, he just won't.  So, I Trump Flora and get him.  I put him
in a chair in a sunbeam, and make mental contact to see what it is he
wants.  Turns out that he wants to replant Arden, and gives me an image of
what he wants.  And as soon as I find that he'll be taken care of and
looked after, I go off, skipping off into Shadow.

	I had a theory going.  It was: Laughter can get an entire army of
whatchamacallits to follow her to fight in Shadow.  They worship her,
they'll do ANYTHING for her, and they'll die for her.  So, I figured that
I could find an entire Shadow of, well, gardeners that will, um, well,
PLANT TO THE DEATH for me.  Not real noble, no.  But it was a good,
working theory.

	I found this Shadow.  It was pretty damn cool, all these guys
thinking that I'm the god of growing and all.  So I got them packed up,
with their rakes and hoes and seed, into their pick-up trucks, and got
them on a march through Shadow.  Wasn't hard, and it turned out to be a
pretty good bunch of guys (and gals).  Being cool enough to volunteer for
this dangerous sowing mission, I thought I'd treat them to a little fun in
Shadow.  *grin*  Got my ear pierced on the way, too.

	We got there, and I warned Archimedes that a very dangerous army
was coming through to plant trees.  He okayed it, and I got them into
Arden.  I Trumped Bleys, and brought him through.  He took one look at the
army I brought him, and gave me a big hug.

	I felt happy, really happy, for the first time in a really long

	(And then I thought Bleys was going to deck me when he realized
that they were wearing 'I Love New York' souvenirs, and I made my speech
about no longer being their god, and to go onto greater growing pastures. 
But that's another story.)

	Well, that was pretty much it.  Got up, War Councilled, Painted,
Spent Time in Shadow, Came Back, Hung Spells, Argued with Melanie, and now
I'm going to bed.  There's a big party tomorrow with Archimedes'
coronation and all (I've been told to dress appropriately).  I can't
drink though - medication and all.  Ulysses probably gets to act real
important, and make sure that everyone knows that he's too good to hang
out with titleless rabble (like me).

	Oh, well.  G'Night.

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