From zenith@engin.umich.eduTue Mar 21 18:42:54 1995 Date: Tue, 21 Mar 1995 16:36:28 -0500 (EST) From: "Emily K. Dresner" To: shadows@umich.edu Subject: Aleksandr XXIX This has not been a fun day. It started out alright. We were having a good time, hanging out in the garden, ignoring the fact that we were riding off toward some sort of doom or another. Plans were made, people were saluted or given alms to or whatever, and I was roundly ignored. I get that more and more these days. Since it was either sit alone and look vague, or sit alone and pester Melanie, I did the latter. Man, she's ugly as a demon. But we eventually left. Ulysses showed up looking like a can of stewed peaches ready to burst. Plated on the heavy stuff, carrying weapons, looking like a Rambo from hell. I felt really sorry for his horse. Mok made mention again of his army, and we parted ways, saying that we'd meet him at Ygg. And off he went, feeling like Mok: Galactic Hero. Reminds me of Space Ghost. We rode off. I pestered Melanie, to see how far I could push it. I made mention of Ulysses looking like a badly-made Volvo, and she said that maybe I should speak to him. So, just as I tried, all hell broke loose. It's not like he would have spoken to me ANYWAY, I later learn, but I'll get to that. We came across Mok's dad, mostly (but not totally) dead. Devoid of Miracle Max, we had to rely on Miracle Fiona. There was alot of arguing about how to get Eric back to Amber, lots of things about Trumps, until I think I mentioned that we should just pass him through to Gerard on the other side. Woah - a streak of common sense. Must have gotten it from my mother, as no one with my father's genes has a drop of it. As we finished, trump holes opened up beneath us. Maron is a prick. Bastard. BASTARD. I'm going to open one of those up in his small intestine. I ended up in a maze, with a horse on my leg. Dead horses weigh alot. I now know this from experience. It's weird, it didn't hurt much at the time. I just cast one of those all-purpose numbing spells, and off I went. How was I to know that it was broken? Okay, the loud CRACK should have tipped me off. The maze stripped me of my superuser access to the Pattern, to my frustration. You know how many years of practice I had to work to get that damned password? So, no telnetting for me to other hosts. I had to find the back door out myself. I wandered for awhile, avoiding minotaurs, decided what I was going to do to Maron when I finally get my hands on that dick. I came to a fork, and ended up at a trap. And a trap it was, since I ended up dropping a level, and facing a dog that had not bothered to go to obedience school. BUT, I had my trusty Laser Pistol of Ultimate Doom, and it made short work of Fido. My foot started to throb, but my imagination was taking over. The whole maze thing reminded me of a computer game that I had played years ago as a (younger) kid. One of those Beat the Foozle in the Center of the Maze games. So, being alone, being me, and getting quickly fed up with minotaurs, grey walls, and three-headed dogs that aren't house broken, I just let myself get into the game. The Wizard Alek, unbeatable, unflappable, and definitely good-looking. That's how it always is in those games. And I was after the Mad Overlord (Maron - I'm going to HURT him) who had to be lurking in the maze. I came across a sorcerer. Very Merlin. The scene was this: In one corner, the Sorcerer, mysterious and nasty. In the other, me, puny and mildly bloody. He said, "I challenge you to a sorcerer's duel!" I said, "Yeah? YEAH?" and shot him in the knee. He went down, and I shot him in the forehead. Heh. *I* thought I was cool at the time. A stairway opened, and I decided that I had levelled. Most definitely. I walked up, and there was my sister and Sky, looking very, well, Melanie and Sky-ish. I came up, and pointed out that I was the Wizard Alek, looking for the Mad Overlord. I think Melanie thinks I'm a total loon. Apparently Archimedes and Ulysses were ALSO trapped in the maze. We needed to save them. And, after some time, we did. They were tunnelling their way through, fed up with the game, and sick of playing. They were blowing away walls, and generally making a mess. I dunno. I think Ulysses just looks ridiculous with his armor and his guns and the word HYPOCRITE on his forehead. But I'm getting ahead of my story. We got Archimedes out first. Then Ulysses. Then Sky. Then me. Laughter and Mok were entrenched in a battle in Chaos. We went to go bail them out. Someplace called the demon underground. All I know is that, for a few minutes, I was flaming death. Pattern does just MARVELOUS things in chaos. *Write down as THINGS TO REMEMBER* Water from shadow, fireballs, earthquakes, Mok and his machines, fighting, it was pretty cool. But we had to retreat. There were a handful of us, and MANY MANY of them. We got Laughter out. I made a shadow-path that my amulet could follow for Mok. And the rest of us? I used the last of my Pattern to get us to Foil. Fiona and Mandor are gone. Without a trace. And now we're here. I went to the doctor, and he put a cast on my leg. My foot is broken in multiple places. Then I went to go find out if I was allowed to stay in Foil or not. The last time I was here was almost the last time I was ANYWHERE, and I'm not too keen on getting beaten again for sleeping. But Laughter had gone missing, and Archimedes claimed that he didn't particularly care. But he requested that I find his father.... a task I keep putting off. I don't know why. I'm all Patterned out. Contrary to popular opinion, I *do* get tired. And I feel it now. After a foray to the kitchen, I stopped to talk to Ulysses. Saying that he's been acting weird is an understatement. And, boy, did I find out why. The disease my father died of called Amber can apparently be caught through the trumps, because it's got Ulysses like no one I have ever seen before in my entire life. The gleam of power in his eyes... and I can see the want. The need. He's invincible - he looks like a can of Hormel Chili, but he's invincible. And that isn't NEARLY enough. I want to scream LIAR. I want to scream HYPOCRITE. I want to scream that I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME. But, dammit, you love your trumps MORE. You love your loyalties, and your Amber, and your disease, more than you can EVER love a person. At least I can feel love. I can be a real person. Not a fucking pawn the rest of my life. I'm in the Game by birth, not a thing I can do about that, but not choice. To be frank, Ulysses simply told me that he had had SUCH a bad week, and that he was never going to touch me again. He told me that he was busy, everything was fine, and I should go away and be a loyal little amberite. And I can feel the hate oozing off his body. Fucker. He told me he'd never leave me. Then he turns out to just use people, all the same. Just another Amberite. They're all the same. And they say I'm sick. *DEEP BREATH, KIDDO* My decision? My decision is simple. I'm not playing any more. There isn't much left to take away - my friends are gone, my home is gone, my parents are dead, my lover is a fucking traitor to his beliefs. Now I understand. Now I understand why they cling to their loyalties and their Game. Because there ISN'T ANYTHING ELSE IN THEIR LIVES. It all goes away. It all dies. And Amberites are very lonely, hollow people. I'd feel pity for them, if I could. But they've hurt me too badly, forcing me into that mold, that I can't. I just can't. I'll finish the task Archimedes gave me before I leave. It's the least I can do. But I'm leaving, just as Melanie suggested. I'm getting out of it. They can come after me if they want, I won't fight. But I'll just keep leaving. Over and over again. No more. I quit. I just quit. Please god, no more. Let the nightmare end. Aleksandr Kuenstlersohn | Emily Dresner Advanced Pattern Initiate | Computer Engineering Senior Sorcerer | Programmer/Nuisance Castle Amber | University of Michigan | sandr@primal.pattern.com | zenith@engin.umich.edu "It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine."