Once again, I am back in the land of psychos and strange
happenings called Amber. Why do bad things always happen to me? I
suppose I should start again where I left off, ne?
So I'm jammin' with Bandwidth, playing some of our standards for
Cousin Caitlin, and she seems to be diggin' the groove. Suddenly, she
says she has to go attend to her duties in Chaos. Natch, I'm like, "Huh?"
She goes on to explain that she's the head of one of the Houses there!
Apparently, this is one of the ways Amber maintains Chaos as a
'subservient' state. I wonder which end of the Universe is really using
the other, however. Anyhow, she slips out on one of those cards, but not
before I get one of Amber from her, so's I can go back.
So then, I decided to swallow the lump in my throat and head over
to see how Heather was taking my sudden absence. Not well, it seems. So
she starts grillin' me about who I've been with, and where, so I told her
the truth, because I'm an honest, decent boyfriend who's not into slinkin'
around on his babe. Of course, given the rather far-flung reaches of the
Universe I had been in, she thought I was on something. So, I decided to
take her through the card to prove it. So, natch, she's like, "What did
you put on your hands?" So, to prove to her that what I'm saying is real,
I went through the card alone. In retrospect, this was not a wise
decision, because these things are not two-way! I was stuck in Amber
again, with no Trump back to Gaia.
As Fate (you know, the slightly mischievous and nigh omnipotent
Deity of Luck the Fae believe in) would have it, Laughter was the member
of my family I first met up with. She's looking like an overripe
balooga-fruit these days, but other than that, we seem to be the
opposite-gender versions of each other. Everything she said made perfect
sense! Anyhow, she suggested that prolly Caitlin has a Trump of Gaia
(since she used to hang out with me so much in the future), so I borrowed
Laughter's card of her to beg for one. Caitlin gave it to me, and I hung
up with her and tried to use it, but it blew up!! Caitlin's gonna be mad,
I think. So then, I asked if I could try Laughter's Trump of Ulysses,
who's the mega-Trump-god around here. She was a bit hesitant, but I
convinced her I would make everything OK if hers broke too, so she gave,
and it broke. Now, I was totally hosed. Laughter seemed to like the idea
of me going off into Shadow to find Ulysses, wherever he might be, and
offered to come along with me to the stables to see me off.
This is where things take a turn for the worse. The Crown Prince
decides that I'm too inexperienced at riding around in Shadow to go by
myself, so he sends Sky (Archimedes' granddaughter) and Killian (Corwin's
son) with me. Sky is a buxom, blue- haired babe who was wearing no shirt
when she first came bouncing up, so I was a bit embarrassed and decided to
avert my eyes. She reports to everyone else on the scene that this makes
me 'weak.' Right. So much for being polite. Anyhow, Sky and Killian must
be Amber's version of a goon, because they said almost nothing, and I'm
sure they'd as soon beat me senseless as look at me. Terrific
'protection' out in Shadow. Thanks, Arch. I suppose King Random had
something to do with the selection, too. Swell guy, that Random.
Wouldn't even shake my hand! He pulled the 'royalty' schtick, so I just
bowed and appeased the ego-head. Anyhow, after a while, we ended up
getting zotted by some kinda weirdness, and I blacked out. I awoke to the
gentle kicking of Killian, and looked around to find our mounts (and
Killian's mega-doggies) had turned into naked people. I felt obliged to
crack a few jokes, and then we headed after Ulysses again. Wouldn'tcha
know it?! He was back in Amber now. Natch, I had to crack a few about
our luck, whereupon Killian punched me. What's with these people?! It's
no wonder someone's always assaulting Amber. They must figure it would be
a more peaceful place if they could kill us all off!
So I talked for a while with Ulysses about what all was going on.
Seems some kind of 'Pattern Flux' was screwing up our powers, and
something messed Trump up pretty bad, which was why Ulysses was in such
bad shape (he's 'Living Trump,' whatever that means). He played the
mentor role pretty well anyhow, and I listen pretty well, despite what Sky
and Killian may think of me. So now, I'm left with no answers as to how
to fix Trump, no way to reach my girlfriend besides Hellriding there
myself (which I'm doubting Archimedes would let me do), and a bunch of
surly, violent relatives. Something tells me I shoulda just joined the
MDF and lived a nice, peaceful life patrolling around the moons. I gotta
think of some way to deal with Killian, tho, so we don't turn out like our
fathers (especially me!). I have an idea, I think, but I think it would
work best in Gaia, where I know how magic works. And I suppose I might as
well start looking for another girlfriend, because if Heather didn't
believe me last time, there's no way she will now...
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